Reviews for Orb
Lilyiia chapter 2 . 1/5/2005
Just out of curiosity, how are you going to add the rest of the chapter in the same link? (if you can't figure it out email me, i've done it before.) PLEESE WRITE MORE!
Lilyiia chapter 1 . 1/5/2005
I liek the plot idea, and your wording is exquisite (as always), but there are a few redundant sentances. Great start though, I'm hooked!
dcopulsky chapter 2 . 12/29/2004
I have no idea what just happened. Is "They couldn't..." the beginning of a new paragraph or is the new line an accident? "They couldn’t hear him; no one could hear hum" is redundant. The chapter seems way too short.
dcopulsky chapter 1 . 12/29/2004
It's okay. Decent writing, decent plot, but nothing really keeps me interested. The lines "...then settled to wait. It waited. Pale blue dust settled..." seemed really redudant. You repeated the waiting twice in a row and used the word settle twice so soon. I don't like how it jumps from the ping thing to the other thing, but I guess a lot of big sci-fi does that too. I think the pings would read better without the "'s or capitalizations. There's nothing particular I thinks need to be there, but the end of the chapter seemed too quick.