Reviews for Whisked Away
eggsbenni221 chapter 7 . 8/11/2005
I'm really enjoying this story. I hope you don't mind if I make a small suggestion though. I think these last few chapters(4 through 7)would be much stronger if they were a bit longer with more dialogue. Maybe what you could do is combine them. Rather than having a bunch of really short chappies, have longer and fewer. The content is the same. it just might flow more nicely. Just an opinion though. Every story is different.
eggsbenni221 chapter 4 . 8/11/2005
This was a good chapter, but I do think it'ed be much stronger if you did add more conversation between the two of them. It'd give it more substance.
eggsbenni221 chapter 3 . 8/9/2005
Hey, nice chappy. I'm all about dark and mysterious godlike men saving mortal women...hmm. Sorry it's taking me so long to get through this. I'm enjoying it. I just don't have a huge amount of time to read at the moment. Nice job. Only one thing though: I spotted a stray Lucien in that chapter. I think there might be a few stray spelling errors in there as well, but nothing major. I'm an English major, so you'll have to forgive me for noticing little things like that. Promise I'll read more soon! P.S i just updated my story, so urm, if you want to check it out, you can:)
eggsbenni221 chapter 1 . 8/3/2005
Nice little first chapter you've got here. I'm already slightly intrigued by Liam. I'm certainly going to read more. P.S thanks for reading my story as well. I'm hoping to update soon, so I really hope you'll keep reading.
1941 chapter 1 . 7/25/2005
I only had time to read the first chapter, and I found the story line enthralling. However one thing stood out so glaring that I practically flinched when I saw it. It is customer not costumer! Gah! Well now that it is out in the open, I really look forward to reading the rest of this. Though it should be noted the phrase “shrugged her delicate shoulders” or anything in this ilk should be avoided. It makes your story sound like some over dramatized smut novel.
Clodhopper chapter 7 . 7/12/2005
Reviewing as i go:

First paragraph was good, i liked the berry description. "But wait, it’s not what you think, he is not that kind of person, here wait you’ll see" seems like the narrator is going to be an invisible character, if u know what im talkin about. if u continue on with that style, it's good, but if you dont then u may wanna fix that sentence.

"here" or "there?" when talking about the cafe?

You forgot a quote: “Would I? Oh yes of course that..umm..would be lovely, sorry about that I almost forgot where I was, but I am much better now.

you switch povs pretty fast, maybe you could give the reader a bit more warning?

I liked the story thus far, the writing was smooth with only the errors i earlier pointed out. I will now continue on to the next chapter...

"A Solemn Ending" is a good title, but why the ! it makes it seem very...not solemn...which is good if that was the intent.

"repulsive girl, Kayden, in his possession." interesting phrasing - i liked it.

aha, a good twist to the plot line from the first chapter.

some of the dialogue seems a bit...run-on ish. tho talking has its own rules, maybe it would be good if you could break it up with some periods?

whoa, why all caps? is she yelling?

lol: "...she locked up the store, costumers still inside..." Could u imagine being the constumers? like, um...excuse me, but can we leave now? thats awesome.

In this chapter u repeat "Kayden" a lot - maybe replace it with she/her on occasion?

Again you've forgotten the last/first quote more than once. maybe reading thru it again will help u find those errors? (im ALWAYS leaving errors like that, my cousin is always yelling at me.)

"Unfortunately for her, or maybe for him, it all really depends on how drunk she really was; she never made it over to him." i like the idea of this sent, but its a little choppy with the punct. maybe fix that a bit?

here are a few Lucien names: "Lucien frowned he hated..." and "With that Lucien stood up..." and "Before she could make her move Lucien turned..." and "Lucien turned to leave the..."

Kayden blushed, - that should be a period instead of a comma

yeah seriously...naked in front of a stranger is usually (ALWAYS) bad.

typo: "og the shower" should be "of the shower". No worries, I am the Typo Queen. There are a few spots where u have commas instead of periods - may wanna check that out.

careful of using swear words outside of dialogue. in the first few chapters it flowed normally but the note about the coffee kind of detracted from the writing.

good scratch the guy to death! geez, he seems kinda like a creep from this end of the computer.

it adds good character how he keeps calling her Ducky. stick with that, I'd say.

Sorry this review is so long and good luck with writing more

~Mack
Satsumaimo chapter 6 . 4/25/2005
great chapter, update soon.

-Rika
fuzzinuzzi421 chapter 6 . 4/10/2005
Does this chapter's title mean that it's only the first part of chapter six? It's good, I like it, and Kayden, a lot, but am left wanting more. Update with more soon!
Satsumaimo chapter 5 . 4/8/2005
...must...keep...reading...must...have...next...chapter...UPDATE! Please...I LOVE your story.-Rika (Yesh, I have my laptop here with me at the hospital, aint it great!)
fuzzinuzzi421 chapter 5 . 4/1/2005
These characters are awesome and I can't WAIT to read more about them. You said Lucien once in chapter 4, at the beginning of one of the paragraphs, and at one point in chapter three, also at the beginning of a paragraph (because you wanted to be told). I really do love the story and the dialouge is perfect for the people speaking. Write on and I'll read on.
fuzzinuzzi421 chapter 1 . 4/1/2005
Really great opening, charming characters. Um, I can't say that I have any criticism as of yet, but I'll review again after I finish reading the rest.
Queen Kat Food chapter 4 . 2/25/2005
Well I think it kind of humorous that no one has commented on my name issue, it's seems that even though I decided to chance Lucien to Liam I still keep refering to him as Lucien, so maybe I shoudl just leave it as that. Well I am sorry that it has taken me so long but, hey that is how life is, you just have to wait.
Namishka chapter 4 . 2/16/2005
very fast paced...i like it...
Namishka chapter 1 . 2/16/2005
nice starting...my own ...spelling ...mistakes...are a result of typing way too fast...i had parental controls ...about time to come home and breathe down my neck and i just wanted to get it done in time.i'll spell check later.
Satsumaimo chapter 4 . 2/16/2005
ok, im an idiot. last review of mine was sposed to say 'you'd better UPDATE soon'. so, yeah. anyways, LOVE the story. update soon or I shall go crazy and need to be hospitalized and then I shall escape and haunt you. mwahaha.. . ._. . .By the way, I was never here! . . . *sneaks away*
20 | Page 1 2 Next »