Reviews for Winter In the Park
A Face Worth Remembering chapter 1 . 2/7/2005
Sorry I havent reviewed in a while...stupid computer...But this is so sad! Its a good poem, but sad all the same. Keep it up!
Arcadia Lynch chapter 1 . 2/1/2005
Aw *cries* so sad and beautiful...

Really good poem I like the Stanzas... Great imagery, This one really invokes deep emotions, I like the lines "And the feeling of your lips on my cheek / is replaced by the coldness of my tears."

Very good...

Review me...*wink*
sto1c chapter 1 . 1/31/2005
beautifully written..i loved it :) thanks for reviewing mine!
breezy nostrils chapter 1 . 1/31/2005
Wow! I really liked this one...especially the last four lines. Nice job! *going in favourites*
Anna178 chapter 1 . 1/30/2005
Sorry bout your heart break. Hope your feeling better. And taht whoever the meanie is rots...:D Stay strong!

Manuel Fajar chapter 1 . 1/29/2005
Cello rends winter,

Soft haunting bass melody,—

Like heart's walk on white.


Snow crinkles under,

Tinkles at footfall wrinkles,—

Pink memories link,

Warm breath in cold air with Thee,—

Now,—warm tears streak down cold cheeks.


Did not realize,

How you'd spread your white around,

Suffusing my tears.


Carousel of snow,

Frozen memories now old,—

Haunt winter's cold hold.
unjaundiced chapter 1 . 1/29/2005
the stanzas seem okay, separation by sentence seems to be the only way this one works.

maybe you could change the first 'and' in the third stanza to 'as' and eliminate the second 'and' in the fourth stanza, that way the poem isn't overpowered by a repetitive 'and' without losing its strength.
Marth Azumi chapter 1 . 1/26/2005
This was REALLY good. It's not just well-written, but it has a sense of sincerity to it, so it makes it all that much better. Great job
Rocky G chapter 1 . 1/25/2005
Wow great work, an excellent romance poem. Leaves the reader feeling sad. I love how it tells a story, makes you want to hear more.

Rocky :)
poisoned kiss chapter 1 . 1/24/2005
Thats so sad... i can only say that its sad ...have a good day... Tracie yost*
Indigo-Andie chapter 1 . 1/22/2005
This reminds me of a poem i read by a canadian poet. I like the fact that it can apply to anyone, meaning it could be a lover that's gone, or a mother, etc. The crunching snow always brings back memories.
Delina chapter 1 . 1/20/2005
Hey...I'm your ex-boyfriend's friend Delina. We are kinda close and he normally tells me about his relationship woes. Oh, and when you guys were going out he told me you were an amazing writer. He's next to me right now in study...he says hello...! I now you are upset and he felt kinda lonely to after you guys split up. I felt bad for him and then I thought of you today and decided to read some of your new poems because I knew you were going to reflect your feelings in there. I write a little to, but you are AMAZING, let me tell you. And you have every right to feel the way you do, don't let anybody tell you that (*steve is trying to read this but i won't let him. LOL) If its ok, can you write me back please. K, bye bye.
under estimated artistsoul chapter 1 . 1/18/2005
Very Nice Work. You have your feelings really under control I'm guessing especially when you write. UR Amazing with your works.
Dancinggal5389 chapter 1 . 1/18/2005
Very good, i like the end!
Fabian Cortez chapter 1 . 1/17/2005
Another beautiful poem; so moving.

Your stanzas are fine by the way.

In some pieces I find it essential to break up a work with stanzas, in others not so essential; it really is, always individual choice.

One minor suggestion I would make is to try avoiding using the word "and" quite so much.

Read through this piece with only the 2nd one in stanza 1, and the first one in your final stanza.

It still reads beautifully, but the end and beggining of each line create the pause for you. See what you think.

Beautiful poem either way.

Very Well Done


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