Reviews for Trials of Fortuity: The Race
BeyondComprehension chapter 2 . 1/18/2005
Hmm. I like the plot, but I think that there are places that could use a bit of work. Adding a bit more imagery, as well as a more extensive vocabulary could really help the writing. The plot is good, an intriguing story. I, as well as someone as said, believe that there should be a name for the two characters...I was getting a bit confused when they got to the "psychic children." Also, I believe that some things are a bit...different. I didn't particularily enjoy the part on "psychic children with laser weapons." I dunno, it just sorta upset me and seemed to take away from the rest of the story. All-in-all, I think that with a bit of work, this could end up an astounding piece.

-Beyond Comprehension. please feel free to check out any of my posts, and reply to them as critically as you deem fit. Constructive critiscism is often much better than simply admonishing the work.
The Great chapter 2 . 1/18/2005
Ah, I see you changed it from the original plot. Are you gonna do the whole different versions senario like you did on Fanfiction?

Ah Anyway, you caught me, and I love you for it, tell Penn-chan I said 'hi' (unless she actually reads the reviews then in that case: HI PENNY!).

Anyway, I do believe that the quality of your writing went down ever-so-slightly on this one, but since I know you were probably pressed for time- good work! I really like this girl, she's a stick. I wonder if she'll eat the boy...oopps I'm probably influencing the later chapters in a negative fashiom..sorry!

well this story actually has me hooked so keep up the good work or fear the wrath of the cellist that sits behind you!

~Angellic Adrian
T.L. Jeffers chapter 2 . 1/18/2005
Keep going, please? I enjoyed reading your story. Hope to see more soon. Your description of the characters are excellent and bring a perfect picture to mind.
The Failed Poet chapter 1 . 1/16/2005
TOTEMO SUGOI DESUYO! I love it! It's awesome! You're a phenomenal writer. I can't belive you were actually embarassed about this.

Feh! Do continue, though. Otherwise I'll lock myself in all summer and not let you in, BWAHAHAHAHAH-*coughhack*-AHAHAHAHAHA!

*stops* Okay, I'm done.
The Great chapter 1 . 1/16/2005
Hey, interesting idea. ok my review: "I like it."

My questions to the ever-fickle authoress, How do you come with all these different ideas?


Why havent you mentioned their names? Its weird..

-The Great
Arisa Takemura chapter 1 . 1/13/2005
Oh I really like the idea of this story! Overpopulation is already a problem in some areas, and if it continues, things like this might become a fact in the future, no matter how barbaric.

Your attention to detail is very good. I really could imagine everything you wrote because it was so well thought out. You have amazing skills in this category. I don't know why this story doesn't have a billion reviews, since this caught my attention more than most of the stuff I've read on this website.

Argh, cliffhangers make me sad. But never fear, I WILL be back for more, since you've got me utterly addicted at this time.

I'm so concerned though, about your two characters...what if they are put into a position that they are the only two left in the game? Will one kill the other? After all that theyve shared (or are going to share?). I cant stand the suspense, update as soon as you can!