|Reviews for Guardian|
| The42ndRogue chapter 2 . 1/23/2006
"Guardian"'s strengths and weaknesses largely continue from Chapter 1 into Chapter 2, so I'm not going to outline all of those things again.
Instead, I'll offer specific instances from this entry that were especially good or otherwise in my opinion.
Probably the biggest problem I had with Chapter 2 (indeed, the entirety of "Guardian" thus far) is how awkward your transition in this chapter from day back to night felt extremely rushed. Conversely, I thought your description of Rainer's reaction to sunlight immediately beforehand was very good.
The growing dichotomy between Katja and Rainer is excellent and can go far. I am glad that you seem to be making good use of the inherent biological differences between human and vampire. Also, I am intrigued by the suggestion that vampires are common in this world, though I am not sure how Katja could've escaped that particular realization. But then, her background is still foggy; hopefully it'll make sense when you've written more of this story.
| The42ndRogue chapter 1 . 1/23/2006
I enjoyed reading this first entry of the story; however, I have good und bad news.
The bad news is that it felt rushed to me. I think a lot of details were unclear; this may be partially your intention, but I have a hard time putting a particular look to the story. I mean, a graveyard's a graveyard, but I can't pin down an era or style (although it seems like the world is not this one, at least not entirely, though that is such a case when the setting must be described in even more detail). In any case, I feel like the brevity sometimes reduces this story to little more than a verbal exchange. Also, a little proofreading (by you or someone else) could polish this up a bit.
My other problem was with the character of Taylor, who despite his grave-robbing tendencies I can't quite vilify yet as I feel you intended. All I have to go on is that he is A) robbing graves, which is socially unacceptable in reality but may not be in the world of "Guardian" as far as I know (nor do you explicitly state what he wants bodies for, or even clearly hint at; presumably the organs, yes, but why? This may be a question you left unanswered on purpose, for later), and B) because Katja thinks he's a horrible example of humanity, but then he IS making her dig up graves, not enjoyable work in any case I'm sure. I hope that he makes a return later so that his character can be more fully quantified and I can understand better WHY Katja feels so wronged being left with him (hopefully she's not just bitching about having to dig up graves; I'd like to think there's more there).
I also wonder (and this is less a downside then just personal curiosity) what the motivation for the first-person view was. In most of what I've read (and written!) in the first person, the text included a fair piece of introspection that otherwise might've seemed out of place, yet you don't include this particular device a great deal (if any). I know you switch to Rainer's POV in Chapter 2; switching POVs like that could create an interesting dynamic (though it also means you've got to be extra careful not to slip up or make it unclear who's POV you're writing from at a given moment). Still, I think you have potential to flesh out the story by making fuller use of the first person.
What I did like in this chapter was the characters of Katja and Rainer. I thought you made excellent use of Katja's German accent, and it lends her speech individuality and flavor. I want to know more about her, and I eagerly await the answers to the questions you (I presume intentionally) left about her past: why is she in the employ of Taylor? What custom led to this circumstance?
As to Rainer, the "child vampire" is amusing and different, and could create interesting situations in the future. Again, interesting questions regarding this character's past abound, and I'd like to know more.
The plot was interesting, and I'd like to see where it goes. I'd like to know more about the world and its people and cultures. Which means I'll continue reading, if and when you add Chapter 3.
In short, the plot and characters kept me interested, though the execution was lacking at points. The problems here do not break the story, but I think it could be improved.
| Zio Its like Diobut with a Z chapter 1 . 12/21/2005
Wow, a friend of mine referred me to your work and I'm really impressed. I'm not exactly a professional or anything, but I do know good things when I read them.
...Or at least I hope I do.
Anyway, its a wonderful start and I'd love to see it ,Zio
Post Scriptum: Sienna is my aforementioned friend.
| Sienna Dragonfly chapter 2 . 10/8/2005
Please update. I know its been ages ...I'm sorry!
But this story has stuck with me since I read the first chapter and I wanna see what happens.
You're an amazingly talented author and I greatly admire your work and..
and...and.. PLEASE UPDATE SON!
| Sienna Dragonfly chapter 1 . 5/7/2005
Its been ever so long since I was drawn into a story so quickly. You've got my full attention and I'm happily awaiting more. Please update Truely,Sienna.
Post Scriptum - I love all the german accented goodness, it makes me wanna roll around on the floor in a joygasm.
| XanderCastlerock chapter 1 . 1/13/2005
You write weird things mein friend. But it was a good little ficlet.
| Shadows Fury chapter 1 . 1/13/2005
I really liked this. It's a well written story with a good plot and interesting chracters. I was wondering is this a short story. I hope you plain to continue this if it's not. Well... if you do i promise to review in the on writing.