Great story, but a lot of errors. Need a better proof reader

i love the way he drink the blood.. pretty gross but yet very interesting.. lol.. )

excellent chapter. I'm glad Rayian wasn't mad at Jack for changing her. The only problem I have is with the voice of your story. Sometimes it's confusing and I'm not sure who's talking right away, but it is better then reading a bunch of redundant he says she says. If you end this in the next chapter. I think you could make a good sequeal.

Wow, excellent chapter. You definitely kept it original, and did a good job to boot. I was actually kind of sad for Rayian's ex fiance, but it had to turn out that way. In this chapter though I almost cried I felt so bad for Jack, Rayian, and the others. Awe, thankies for the compliment. I try my hardest to come up with original names, and names that I have strong feelings about, that just sort of click. I think you are worthy enough to hear some other names I have made for other things. They are WindBlownKisses and RedTwilightEyes. winks ;)Anyways keep up the good work!Anyway

This chapter made me cry cuz I'm a big cry baby and I'm currently very sad... But yes, it did answer some of my questions... but then again... I can't remeber most of my questions... I love it.. It's brillant... Keep it up!

arrg i was so surprised to see her die, i never expected it... but then happy once Jack bit her, yay, now she gets to stay w/ him! keep the updates coming!

am i the first one to review this chapp? lol.. all i can say is that its getting better.. )

The story is getting really interesting! I think you've managed to get the suspense pretty well. I can't wait to find out her history.

wow i really need to find out what rayian is.. you better keep updating..your story is one of the best and most original i've read. if you don't finish this we're fighting..lol

Oh! HOW VERY INTERESTING! O yeah, keep it up!

uh huh.. i like it! always.. )

i luv chick flicky lol...Update really really soon!

And now the story goes deeper! Dunt dunt duh! lol.. love it! Keep it up!

wow absolutely wonderful! omg... i hate cliffy's lol... i have to kno what happens... OMG! lol i say that alot its just so weird... what is she if she's not human? guess i have to wait...

Wow! I wanna know what happens.. I hate cliffhangers.. Tee hee hee!