I believe the most well developed and enjoyable part of your story to be the inner arguments "Carmen" has with herself. My one complaint would be how wooden the dialog seems by comparison. I want to see where this is going

I'm enthralled. I cannot wait for more!

Each chapter has kept me coming back for more. Its interresting, fun, light-hearted, but at the same time there's a large, ominous black feeling underneath what's actually being said and what's actually happeing.

I think its great!

You are obviously a skilled writer and can express certain aspects of conversation better than anyone else I've ever read.

I really hope you get a chance to find a proper ending as you see fit. I know it can end well.

Great Job!

(This is a review for Survival...Chapters 11, 12, and 13)

I liked the idea of splitting the three chapters apart and giving them their own individual fight even though they were one big, inter-related fight.

I also really like and enjoy the way you write! Although it is not the happiest of subjects to critique I can honesly say...from being in a similar-ish situation, you follow the thought precess of how a person or yourself goes though thinking about themselves and the ones they interact with flawlessly.

I'm hooked and can't put my computer down...it'll run out o batteries soon, but I'll be back with a charger. and give a final review as well.

ok carmen, i think its time we updated, 5 months is more than enough suspense n'est pas?

AH CARMEN YOU HAVE AMAZING TALENT! i loved this chapter and it was so worth the wait ;)

wow that was kewl how long hav u been wrighting?u should write one about me! id be the perfect character u know!

-cutie

ps i dont care if u call me that

this is so good! this story has got me HOOKED

how can u leave me hangin here...not a very cool thing to do...write MORE SOON

Please write more. i shall die, cry, be lost forever in this world of uncertainty if you dont. do it for me

ooh la la ! it was god as the priest says! or even MORE than god

go carmen go carmen shake yo bootay shake yo bootay

yo are u in creative writing? u should be

I like the reality of the story, it is sincere to the truth of heartbreak and depression. Speaking literarily, i feel as though the paragraph of the fabricated story should reflect more of her delusion and confusion, just as in the subsequent remarks. Maybe you could fill in the story with words of doubt, confusion and an occasional "um...". She sounds much to sure of herself in this paragraph when in reality she's hesitatingly/spontaneously fabricating this story.

damn you...i NEED MORE!

Dude your awesome. This is really good writing. I wish I was the creative.

THis was an AMAZING story. it really touched a familiar place with me. thanks

Like, the MFA doesn't really house that kind of art, y'know. :-\ In other news, eat cheese.