|Reviews for A Vampire Love|
| Irked Materia chapter 1 . 3/9/2005
This was very, very shallow. Now i don't mean that your aim was off: i can see this as a full blown story, but...you missed the mark i think. i'm not saying that it wasn't a bit enjoyable to read, but it did lack the flow and substance of a top notch story.
| tomato-greens chapter 1 . 1/21/2005
That went fairly quickly; the rush at the end was very unexpected. It may have worked better if you focused on Elizabeth and Blake's feelings for each other, or her transformation and the way she deals with it, rather than move on with the action so fast. Unless you're going to go back and cover this through flashbacks or something, then the lack is all right. The storyline is decent, if slightly clichéd (but then, by now, what storyline isn't, you know?), but you could make the suspense a bit more, well, suspenseful. For instance:
'About a moment later a few vampire killers came in . . .'
First off, that probably shouldn't be until the next few chapters. Then, I'd say something in the proximity of:
'Only moments later, Elizabeth (or Blake, or whomever) heard the clamor behind the door. Wondering what would dare ruin this feeling, this perfection, she soon found out, as the men she later named the vampire killer forced their way in. Blake turned to her, almost pushed her into the closet; for her own safety, he said, and she listened because she loved him. She trusted him.
Twenty minutes of waiting, aching for everything to be all right, even as the hissing, the screams, the inimitable noise of clanging silver blades, were pure torture for the girl. The door opened-and there was Blake, dead, cuts on his neck and a stake through his heart. . . ."
Or something like that, without whatever atrocious grammar I inflicted on those poor paragraphs and without the runon sentences, and so on. Also, you keep changing tenses; please make sure to either keep to one or keep the memories as past and the now as present, rather than mixing them
Uh, yeah, this was really lengthy, eh? There's nothing really bad with this story, just a couple improvements. Good job, it's a pretty easy read, and interesting. Keep writing.
| Crazy Biene chapter 1 . 1/21/2005
I liked the beginning better. That went too fast. You could have made things longer. I tihnk it would have semed better.
| Death Angel18 chapter 1 . 1/21/2005
wow thats wonderful i want you to write more. please keep writting.
Truly Forever,Death Angel