8 - try and write all numbers under ten in full.

'So *know* Champ was being played as apawn, held hostage by these socio-techno zealots.' - Is that a typo or are you just missing a word?

Perhaps at the beginning you could make it clearer what/who Champ is. I think its a child but it is hard to tell as Champ does sound more like the name of a dog (no offence intended).

The story doesnt have much background - is it a sequel? But the world you have created here is believable and your characterisation is great.

The main issue I have with reading this though is the formatting. The text is all bunched in one half of the page - is it possible for you to spread it across the screen more - it would certainly make it easier on the eyes!

But other than that it is a rather well written, mature story. This is one of the better quality stories I have read on this site! :D

-Write on!