|Reviews for COLD BABY: FEAR NO MORE THE HEAT OF THE SUN|
| Rara Punk chapter 1 . 1/26/2005
8 - try and write all numbers under ten in full.
'So *know* Champ was being played as apawn, held hostage by these socio-techno zealots.' - Is that a typo or are you just missing a word?
Perhaps at the beginning you could make it clearer what/who Champ is. I think its a child but it is hard to tell as Champ does sound more like the name of a dog (no offence intended).
The story doesnt have much background - is it a sequel? But the world you have created here is believable and your characterisation is great.
The main issue I have with reading this though is the formatting. The text is all bunched in one half of the page - is it possible for you to spread it across the screen more - it would certainly make it easier on the eyes!
But other than that it is a rather well written, mature story. This is one of the better quality stories I have read on this site! :D