Reviews for Sugar Rush |
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![]() ![]() That was beautiful. I'm crying in joy! I love the P&P spin surrounding the story and how you built the story. It was amazing till the very end! I love how you ended the story; totally sparks Liz's character and the last line will stay close to heart :) Thank you for sharing this story and your other stories as well with us. I love how you write! |
![]() ![]() hi Clavel , nice story ...reminded me of pride & prejudice ... |
![]() ![]() You should know that I truly HATED P&P. But your story really got me. Great work, magnificent really. |
![]() ![]() I wish you had Adam say "and...I was always coming4u." ;) XD |
![]() ![]() ![]() Read a great majority of your stories and gotta say you are versatile in literary genres (forgive any typos) Ace aka the Clown from Nairobi in Africa. |
![]() ![]() ![]() That THAT is what i call a really awesome ending. The story is really similar to Prom and Prejudice or Pride and Prejudice but it was a very well done way of writing it. Although this story reminded me of those books, i love this because of its own flare. Its originality (if thats even a word) but i love it! :D couple more book to go and i will have finished your entire collection of stories! Keep up the awesome work :D xx |
![]() ![]() ![]() As much as I do enjoy most of your stories, the personalities in this one really ticked me off. For one, their mother sounds like a neglectful parent for not trying to understand Marie. And Marie sounds like an insesitive bitch while Liz was puking her guts out. Lydia is plainly just messed up with trying all the things she is. Jas is sweet, but just too much that she onll sees the good side of her newly made friends and doesn't notice how they treat her sister. All around the family has a bad relarionship which is seriously off putting to me. This is just my take on how their peraonalities seem to me and you know they may not be like the way I had portayed them. Not hating or flamming just putting an opinion out there. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Oh God! another story that i loved, and seriously this made me blush mad. Though some errors on the words but it still made sense after all that :) oh geez. |
![]() ![]() ![]() SO CUTE! I love how there were little bits of cliche like the love-at-first sight (Jas and Jeremy), the nerd and jock (Marie and Adam), and of course, the enemies (Liz and Will), but the storyline itself was original :) awesome job! This is definitely going in my favorites! |
![]() ![]() ![]() ahh i loved it! |
![]() ![]() ![]() hey. i love your ideas, and you give quite a nice read when i'm bored. butttt. (please do not take this personally, take it as advice to write better please.) 1. do get an editor or something! i don't mind helping you edit if you want. you have a lot of random spelling/grammer errors which can be edited out easily and enable your stories to be a better read. 2. you always hint to what would happen. which is good because it lets your readers know that something's coming up, but not if you have it on several chapters and it happens not just for the big things that happen to Liz but also to every other character. At some point you've used it too much that there is no big suspense when you hint that something is going to happen. 3. time to expand on your ideas! you make things happen too quickly, there is no real plot development. I can see you trying with the character development and stuff, but still. the story is pretty flat. it does not make your readers sit on the chair in anticipation, rather, i keep reading because it's easy to scan and i just want to know what is going to happen. story lines are very predictable and too simple in my opinion - if you want to increase your reader count and stuff it'll be worth expanding on some of the themes and some of the big plot developments, making it a better story. hope this helps! (: keep writing! |
![]() ![]() ![]() I like this retelling of P&P! You did an awesome job. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Aha! I knew it was Adam! The ending of this chapter is just so cute. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Lol! So she's allergic to cilantro? Pity. I love it! |
![]() ![]() ![]() Cute little story! :-) Mira |