|Reviews for The Twentysixth of the Twelfth Month|
| Zining chapter 2 . 3/13/2005
After reading the second chapter of your '26th of the 12th' fic, my first impression of it is that there are quite a lot of song lyrics in it ; making up nearly a third of the whole chapter. but the lyrics do suit the story. and your prose is impressively lyrical as usual.
here are a couple of possible typing errors i noticed: 'invincible'- 'invisible'(?), ones soul- one's soul, 'reach a hand' - 'reach out a hand'(?). also, many of the sentences in between the song lyrics are in present tense. i'm not sure whether it is done deliberately; i mean, if they are Melissa's thoughts, the use of present tenses would be appropriate. but in the story, it's hard to differentiate thoughts from the rest of the fic; because essentially, the whole fic is about her thoughts and her struggles to maintain her faith.
There is one sentence in this chapter that made an impression on me: 'She, too, is the voice of reason I always have that sometimes I forgot'. because your fics often focus entirely on Jesus Christ, it is rather refreshing to see that you've identified another soul, an earthly mother with unconditional love, as a provider of strength and refuge for the tortured spirit :)
| mimi-chan chapter 2 . 2/13/2005
Yay! You updated! This is awesome (that is not sugar-coated dearie) but needs a little improvement. But still a good story. Write more, longer ones. Something that will give you a good challenge.
| mimi-chan chapter 1 . 2/9/2005
Hey Graciana! I was looking for this fic at fanfiction. net! I want you to know that I'm tuned in until the removal of this story. I've seen every change you made, every flame/swear-word you removed and every defense you posted. I have to say that those weren't weak defenses but you got carried-away in some areas. I know how much you love to be corrected because you learn new things...you don't have to brace yourself for this.
1st, the positives:-You were smart enough to not mention any particulars regarding the disaster and to veer this towards issues on spiritual crisis instead of creating a scene which depicted what took place. You did not exploit any of the victims in any aspect...and yet you were accused! Yeah, right!-How very sensible of you to not induce fear among the non-Christian who does not believe in the said return of Christ. I got that from the defense you posted.-You were graceful enough to accept your obvious mistakes, brave to go down on your knees and apologize (when you did not make any mistake at all), and optimistic to turn each ugly word into a beauty.-The story was poignant yet beautiful; enlightening but not preachy; empathic and emotive; certainly inspiring.
2nd, the con crits:-Poecy in a story is not bad if you are writing an allegory, this is obviously not one- poecy is ineffective.-Learn to use punctuations correctly. That was the very reason why your story was plunged. Be cautious.-Proof-read more than once; take your time.-Watch your tenses.
3rd, parting words:-About your arrogant, rude flamers acting like they're fanfiction. net's webmaster:*Some are not very well acquainted with the word, 'respect'. Do not expect that from your fanfic readers- the narrow-minded agnostics (not generalizing), that is.*You DO NOT deserve those ugly words but remember that this is the cost, Matthew 10:22 and 26.*DO NOT be afraid to speak for the truth. The more rejection you get, the better.
That's it. Update.
| suzieque2 chapter 1 . 2/8/2005
This is really powerful and moving. It sucks the reader in like a great mystery. So I must add it to my fav stories list. God bless you!
| Zining chapter 1 . 1/29/2005
Heh heh, I'm reposting this review since the last one was lost when this fic got transferred out of .
I noticed one or two minor punctuation (e.g. ‘two-thousand’) and grammatical (e.g. ‘voices tells me’) errors, but that’s just my nit-picking habit from my obsessive-compulsive personality. I’m guessing that you’re not interested in that kind of feedback, are you?
The good points: the prose is fluent and the descriptions are pretty well done. I like the part where the protagonist started to play the piano and how it blended with her internal turmoil. Also, the single sentence paragraphs in your story are used quite effectively.
The topic you’ve chosen to write about is very challenging, especially at this time when hurts are still raw and there is still mourning going on. But I think you’ve raised an important issue—how are the Christians in this world reacting to this tsunami catastrophe? No doubt people will be asking ‘Why?’ and ‘How can God let this happen?’ and ‘Can this be God’s will? Can God be so cruel?’
The tricky thing about writing sensitive topics such as this is that… well, it’s sensitive. Imagine that you’re a real victim of the tsunami, and you read about someone else’s imagination of the pain you are going through. A piece of writing is powerful if the author has personally experienced what the characters in the story experienced. For authors to write about what they don’t know or haven’t experienced, the depth of emotion will often be lacking and the story risks becoming unrealistic. This might or might not apply to your case though. I find that your feelings in this matter are just as strong, if not stronger than most people; and some of that is visible in your writing. Besides, your story emphasizes more on the ‘shaken Christian faith’ part rather than the ‘how sad for the victims’ part; so, in that sense, you are still writing what you know very well.
Okay, now’s the time to take out a doll if you have one, imagine my face on it and whack it on the wall repeatedly. Why? Um… I just feel that I’m too harsh a critic sometimes. I truly mean no offence. Truly. And here’s more… ;
I find the opening paragraph a bit confusing. You remember that I’ve once commented that readers may sometimes find it difficult to understand what you’re trying to tell them unless they can put themselves in your frame of mind? This is one of those instances. ‘pride… swept… onto its endless vessel… diminishing and augmenting…’—it’s poetic, but quite baffling. I can’t speak for other people, of course, but I had to read the paragraph twice before I understood what you were referring to by ‘it’. And I’m still not sure what the ‘endless vessel’ means.
About flashbacks... I’m just wondering whether the flashback in your story is really necessary. You’ve said yourself that it can be quite confusing and you’ve even taken steps to make it less so. However, you could have easily started the story where the protagonist is leaving the house for her grandma’s place (which is where the piano is, right?). The story will undoubtedly be more… linear, without the flashback. It might even lose some of the effect you’re especially trying to achieve. Anyway, flashbacks are good if they enhance your storytelling. If they merely confuse or derail readers, it is better not to use them.
Thanks for being patient enough to read up to this point.
| TruConfessions chapter 1 . 1/26/2005
Hey! I was wondering where this went. I know many fictionpress stories get brushed under the rug, but I hope this is not one of them. Once again, I love it. You already know that! :)My finals are THIS week! :( I had my first 2 and they were okay. tomorrow is my hardest with Spanish a Literature. Lit is just worth a bundle of our grade. Prayer will be so appreciated. As soon as friday is over and I recooperate metally I will get my butt back to work. I want Locker chapter 2 up this weekend and the next chap to Africa up this week sometime. Thanks for not forgetting my story was here and sorry for the wait! Once again, great story. Beautiful emotion. Great work! Keep it up! Love in our Lord, Tru aka Twilight aka Whitney ;)