Reviews for smother
laughter at the funeral chapter 1 . 6/23/2006
hmm...i think this is too random compared to Miss Tori Amos' whom i really adore...i must say that her lyrics are much more cohesive...but nice try...

truly yours...
Weeba chapter 1 . 7/29/2005
This is really good-I love the imagery. I just have three kind of small issues with it. One is that, in the eighth line, you see "laying" where you should say "lying". *shudder* That mistake is my pet peeve.

Another is the lines "try to remember that I said this to you/you won't remember cause you're dead". The repetition of the word "remember" is a little unnecessary-I think it would work better if you found a way to say it without saying "remember" again in the second line.

One last thing, and then I swear I'll leave you alone-I don't think the last line is necessary. Well, I mean, you should say that at some point, but I think the last line should be the one about "you won't remember cause you're dead". I think that's much more evocative.

Sorry if it kind of feels like I hammered on you-the imagery is really, really good, and so is the lining. It's just those three things.

Keep writing!

Weeba
Falsetto chapter 1 . 7/24/2005
I really like this. It's very Tori Amos-like. Very well put together although random (as you said in your summary).
C.J. Mahan chapter 1 . 3/26/2005
The seemingly random lines in here have a deeper meaning, hidden undertones? I'm still trying to uncover them. This one of the better poems I've read in a long time.
Seth Triskellion chapter 1 . 3/24/2005
Wow... this was really well written. I like!
lovelikeamixtape chapter 1 . 3/20/2005
Wow, that's ├╝ber-gorgeous. Great, great job.