|Reviews for The Silent Land|
| Anya Tempest chapter 1 . 12/13/2005
(By the way, I was gonna mention this in my other review - love your name. We must be related!)
Anyway, nice and interesting, although I didn't really get the rhyming scheme, and I thought the last line sounded a little silly and trite.
Excellent use of imagery and stuff though, good job.
| DementedOracle chapter 1 . 2/19/2005
This poem sounds. . .weird. Just for kicks, let's reverse the rhymn order a bit in the first part, and swap the wording around a bit in places, just to see what happens. What if you wrote it this way:
Amid the bones, and dust, and ashes, amid the silent land,Across the sea, across the sands, beneath the desert sun,He raised the dead, and killed the living with a cold white hand,He lived, a man; lived long ago, when the world was just now he lives in silence, where no sane man would walk,In a house amid the sand and sun, with no food, nor water, nor sleep,Where not a sound is uttered, where no one will ever talk,Where none has laughed for centuries, and where no one ever will some day in the future, the dice may roll, the fates may change,And perhaps, in the silent land men will walk, and people will speak,Laughter will ring, and people will weep, and this will not be this may happen in years, or centuries, or perhaps in only a week.
It just seems to have a better flow to it this way. I don't mean to offend you by messing around with your work like this; I'd be the first to tell you that I'm no poet.