|Reviews for The Broken Road|
| TheMobBunny chapter 11 . 5/15
Love your story
| Julietish chapter 1 . 8/31/2014
Hi! It's Juliet from A Drop of Romeo. When your story was featured on ADoR, this review was written for it: In this story the author does a fantastic job of bringing you back in time. She uses terminology and concepts that fit the time period, making sure that her story is as believable as possible. Her characters are so amazingly real and flawed, thanks the brilliant depth and emotion she gave them, and you will love Logan and Lillian from beginning to end. At first the story seems a little hard to follow, thanks to the number of transitions between Logan and Lillian's points points of view, but soon after that, the transitions are few and far between.
As the story goes on, it begins to flow with a great deal of eloquence. In my opinion, one of the best things about this story is the author's use of vocabulary. Just by reading a short piece of her story, you can see her vast understanding of the English language. And she uses that understanding to add detail to the superb plot of her story. The plot is fairly cliche, but I will say that it's cliche in a good way, using mystery and drama to add a new and exciting feeling to the story.
| Grespitchied chapter 26 . 7/9/2014
Ughhh wow! I just finished the story! It's so gripping! I never thought I would enjoy such a story! Their love making is so intense and passionate that it heightens the thrill of the story. The period where they were lost from each other wasa breaking my heart. I just anted them to figure it out but it was just taking forever. I was impressed with how the story rolled from there. I wish there was a next book because I enjoyed their relationship so much.
Congrats on the book
| NerdNotSoSmart chapter 26 . 12/15/2013
The Broken Road reminds me much of the works of Judith McNaught, Jude Deveraux, Julie Garwood and many other novelists who choose to write in the same genre. The plot has much of the same underlying structure and it is deem-able as a cliche. With that said, no wonder the cliches are all heartwarming, pleasurable and bewitching, they all have that aura which invites you to read them even when you know the outcome. Your piece was no different.
Lilly Caine was a rather well-liked character, and very much like all the other contemporary heroines I've read of, save for her disability which even I forgot was there as the story progressed. But even when I forgot it was a disability, I could imagine myself blinded and going through the motions just like she had done. You've depicted her situation with ample caution and expressive detail which I never once felt wasn't necessary. There were numerous grammatical errors which grated my nerves a bit at first, like your use of the word 'then' instead of 'than,' but as I came to this author's note I understood why it had happened.
All in all, I quite liked The Broken Road in spite of the fact that some things confused me, like the fact that you kept on calling Lilly 'Lillian' even after her real identity was revealed. I honestly think that with a little editing, I might see it in the local bookstore soon. And that is my sincere hope.
Congratulations on having so many works published, you are an inspiration to aspiring writers everywhere. Please don't take my review negatively because all that I said, I was earnest about and I really think this book has potential. Good luck.
| PaintedPicture chapter 23 . 11/8/2013
I can't tell you how beautiful this story is. In the chapters with rebecca and Lilly and Logan. I couldn't help but hate him. I cried a constant flow of tears as I felt my heart sting and writhe in pain for the loss that Lilly felt. I don't cry very often, not even in sad parts in movies (except lion king)
I feel so inspired and encouraged by your story, you have no idea how much! I love your writing and I do intend to read more from you, I hope you haven't totally forsaken fictionpress and keep posting books and stories on here. Keep the little people inspired yeah?
I did notice, a few grammatical errors here and there and some grammar parts where I got confused not knowing which word was best to use and it made me think of ms word saying 'please revise sentence'
Your character construction was something akin to magic, not only did they develop and grow, they never lost their original personality traits. Although I resonated emotionally with Lilly, the other perspectives were greatly advantageous. I loved how at one point both lilly and logan thought the exact same thing, showing their deep emotional bond and dedication, its the small things that make a story great, know what I mean?
In a little vindictive and spiteful mood I was relishing in Logans despair and got angry at him for being mad.
I just wanted to praise where its needed, its about 3 or 4 in the morning and I have to be up at about 7 to start my day, I just couldn't stop reading! I blame you for my tiredness for the on coming busy day I'll be having, but its with great satisfaction in it knowing that your story will stick with me as I read others', feeling as if I have a part of Lilly and Logan inside of me.
Thank you so much, really, thank you :D
| R. Ficst chapter 24 . 10/20/2013
I much enjoyed this story, and congratulations on the news of your Prada and Prejudice!
| Prodigee123 chapter 22 . 8/10/2013
| Prodigee123 chapter 10 . 8/10/2013
this is really good, really want to hear more about Lilian's past
| Prodigee123 chapter 1 . 8/9/2013
really excited to start this
| SundayMorning73 chapter 23 . 4/14/2013
Such a sweet story. I was frustrated at times with how everything was forgiven so easily. I wish Lilly would have made him sweat a little bit more. But that's my personal preference. Yay happy endings Haha
| Shelby Rebecca chapter 9 . 1/29/2013
I don't think she would use the word "Dad" to describe her father. She would call him "Pa Pa," or "Father."
| Shelby Rebecca chapter 8 . 1/28/2013
I'm really interested in your characters and the plot is not full of conflict, but somehow it's enough to keep me entranced. One thing to point out for you: Then and than are two different words. Then is used in a sequence, "first I do this, then I do that." On the other hand, than is used in comparisons, such as "I like chess better than checkers."
I hope that helps.
| Shelby Rebecca chapter 2 . 1/27/2013
I like this story a lot. It's easy to get sucked into it. A few things though. For one, it's hard to understand why Lillian would be so rude to the Earl after he helped her get away from the jerk she hated so much. Also, wasn't she pretty hurt by the mean man? I think it would add alot of realism if we're there with her when she dresses her wounds.
| Chelsea chapter 13 . 9/27/2012
I'm sorry. I gave it a go, but this is far too YA for my tastes. It's clearly not meant to be with all the descriptions of sex, but as someone firmly out of the YA age range, the characters and the plot are very immature. There is little depth of analysis from the characters; I don't feel any sort of emotional connection to them at all.
Furthermore, I suspect that most of your young readers enjoy Mary Sue/Gary Stu characters, but they are quite tedious. Not every leading lady need be beautiful, kind, ladylike, and desirable to all men who view her (yet completely innocent to all the attention and unaware of her own beauty). Not every leading man need be rich, handsome, sexy, desirable to all ladies around him (of whom all are sluts and snobs, save for our Mary Sue), and yet still a bit obnoxious due to his sexual prowess. These characters are overused and boring.
How can you have sex with a person one day and decide you hate them the next? Yes, Lillian hid a big secret, but I feel like most rational adults in a sexual relationship would at least have a discussion. For people having sex, they don't seem to know each other or even themselves that well. Your characters seem very flat, with cliched feelings and cliched reactions (likely because they are at their cores simply Mary Sue and Gary Stu). They read just like characters I've read in countless other unmemorable stories on this website.
I recommend that you work on character development and plot believability, because everything here just seems like one big cliche after another. Real adults don't act this way, and being an adult yourself, I feel like you should have more insight into how adults process feelings and react to news. Again, I hope you don't find what I've said to be offensive or unjust, but this story reads as if a teenager without much life experience wrote it and not an adult woman.
| Chelsea chapter 11 . 9/27/2012
I haven't read any of your other stories, although from your author's notes, I see you usually write YA fiction. I understand this is definitely meant to be a more adult work, but I still think it reads more like a YA novel. I appreciate Lillian's character, that she is moral, determined, and hard working, despite becoming blind and losing her family. You've described her blindness in a thorough and meaningful way.
However, I think you lost me in this chapter. I feel everything you built Lillian up to be was a hoax. She confronted the other servants over gossiping about her relationship with Logan, yet she went and did the exact thing she was so offended about. She wanted to save her virginity in the hope of marriage, yet here she throws it away without a second thought. It makes no sense, particularly because she had weeks in between interactions with him.
I also don't understand what makes Logan so desirable to her, other than saving her from Brant and paying her some attention from time to time, usually in the vein of "Make this bet, and if I win, I get a kiss." He simply doesn't seem like a very good person, keeping several mistresses and discussing sleeping with his servants with his friends. I can't figure out why Lillian is so attracted to him. Based on being sexually assaulted twice in the past and holding onto the hope of someday marrying, I feel like such casual actions would be repugnant to Lillian rather than welcome.
Other than that, I think your writing and tone are fine. Your descriptions are good but could be fleshed out more. I laughed once at your mention of allergies; the scientific concept seemed a little out of place with talk of earls and barons. I guess my main criticism is that this "adult" work just feels like a YA bodice ripper. There is little plot and character development other than sex. I hope you don't find what I've said to be offensive. I'll try a few more chapters to see if there is more to Lillian and Logan than meets the eye, but this plot and these characters just seem too cliche to continue reading if there's no more complexity to your story.