Reviews for Yeldah Shel Ofel
Story-Teller's Aide chapter 1 . 4/14/2005
wow. That was really well-written, a story poem. I very much enjoyed that.
Nobody-n-Particular chapter 3 . 3/29/2005
This is very nice. It doesn't seem forced and flows well idea-wise. Love the line "I might be discovered, or die in the dim light." Keep updating!
Nobody-n-Particular chapter 2 . 3/29/2005
Well, your rhythm isn't too bad. It is off, but that is alright. Tis not glaring, in-your-face. Just a few words here and there erased will make amends. But nice thus far.
Nobody-n-Particular chapter 1 . 3/29/2005
Beautiful and seems like a song almost. I love her name, it has a ring to it. One thing - "But the light chases me as you would chase a bug" the entire line is good except for bug, tis awkward and just sounds like you want to rhyme for the sake of rhyming. Besides that, very nice!
Uhala chapter 1 . 3/6/2005
I'm pretty sure that you don't mean this to have perfect meter, but I think it would flow better if all of the lines had exactly the same number of syllables.