This one hell of an amazing story ya' got here. Great job with the detail and it has plenty dialogue. If you have a chance can you check out my story Shade of darkness

Interesting beginning, but it got real predictable further in. Perhaps you could slow the pacing down when you introduce Ian, your characters seemed to fall flat on their faces when he appeared. It kind of put me off that they would tell their life stories right away as well, why not save that for a future conversation?