hm... okay- with the last chapter, just transition into it and out of it differently. Yeah, that's what it needs.

Anyways. I liked this chapter! How funny that both gals were asked out by the 'right' people. That was pretty smooth, the way Zach lead into asking her out. Nice. I can't wait to see what else will happen!

-Saber

I feel like these chapters need to have more in them. I dunno...more of an explanation of things, or just less jumping around. But, Istill think this story is great and has potential! I just needs editing. I like how this drama is going. High school drama is weird. What a pain. Wait- a band binder? What does Lauren play in band?

-Saber

Dang. He must have been REALLY tiered to pass out like that twice! Nice. I really like how you put whatever is in the head of whoever is speaking in italics. It adds more to the story.

-Saber

WOW! That was just the most amazing story ever! You had better write more ASAP! HURRY!

I was planning on reading a few sentances and going on my way, but your beginning got me hooked. *sigh* now i can't wait to find out what happens next! One suggestion tho: when you are writing your dialogue, you write sentences for a bit without a speaker tag. after a little bit it gets confusing as to which person is talking, so maybe you could add a few speaker tags in between... otherwise, good job!

lol! This seems interesting... :-)