Wow, i like it!

One suggestion, however; proffread your chapters before you psot them, I found a lot of simple typos in there that you could fix by reading through it.

Oh, and update .

I found your beginning to be a bit cliché; Karen seems a little too perfect for my liking. However, as I continued reading, I became more interested, and I think that your story has a lot of potential.

Not a bad amount of description from what I see so far, but a great deal of it is describing exactly what your main characters look like. That's not exactly a flaw, but it may be better if we get closer to your characters' character (whoa, that sounds awkward) instead of their physical appearance.

As I said, not a bad plot, but your characters need a bit more developing. What makes them unique? Jared's story is interesting, but his character doesn't really stand out in my mind. Still, I'm definitely going to hang around for chapter two!

i really liked this! a very nice beginning...where's the rest? lol can't wait to read more. :)

This ish awesome! I was really impressed with it. You even kept Jared from being some Gary Stu when his wife was killed. A few minor mistakes in this, just things one has to read to pick up, otherwise, I'd near call it perfect. Keep writing, good luck, and update soon!

Alexis

THis is really a neat story so far. I really like it. Please update soon. I want to find out what happens. Please.

This is sounding pretty good. I would like to read more and find out what happens... Update soon!

Ooh!I devoured that!although i can't give that much of a review as the story has just gotten started, please keep writing and update soon!a few grammer mistakes-and how could Jared be younger then Karen when he was married, fought many battles, ect?anyways, i loved it. i don't normally read fantasy, but this was great!

Ok, interesting. I think it has a ton of potential, and although it is too early to give a serious review, I look forward to the next chapter.

With that said, there was a little to fix. There is a little bit of contradiction, as was said before, and some parts are difficult concetrate on.

Hey, keep of the good work. Look forward to the next chapter.

-blinks- cookiedough -blinks again- OMG! I loved IT. I noticed one spelling mistake, third paragraph I think it is come not dome... You did a beautiful job a detailing, there was one part though where you were talking about how old Jared was and you said he was younger than you, how can he be younger than Karen when he is married, and ect, or was married.

*Mati*