Reviews for Forbidden Love
Lyarah chapter 22 . 12/31/2005
Woot lmao. I actually hope its the King.
Summer's Light chapter 1 . 12/29/2005
wow yeah sorry but i'm kinnda confusedwhen Logan takes Alana to the house, he says that theres prob smthing she might not like waiting at her house, but when the walk into the mansion (it was that house they walked into right?)the aunts dead there..why would he say he say there was smthing bad at her house when it was really at the mansion..and when she says smthing along the lines of "i alomost kicked your but" (er..smthing like that) he admitts that its true (logan) ahh im jus confusled..wtv its a n intresting story otherwise! can't wait for the next chp.
Nyte Tym Starr chapter 22 . 12/29/2005
Wow an overprotecting boyfriend that ended up trying to kill her...gee what a bad way to end a relationship. Hope she kills him then maybe all will be okay. Wonder who the intruder is though...update soon!
Mi.Ishi chapter 2 . 12/27/2005
Okay, I have more pointers. Again, grammar stuff. I think you'll realize what I'm talking about. Please proofread and grammar check everything; it makes things difficult to read.

I also noticed that the dialogue is very forced. Talking is a natural thing for people to do; try and replay what they're doing and saying.

And why would the vampire just go in there and talk to her? I mean, he obviously wanted her dead, so why not kill her when she was vulnerable, because she's tired and just coming home from school, right? And I thought that vampires can only walk around during night? Oh, which brings me to my next point; you didn't tell us who he was when you first introduced the vampire in the chapter, so I was so confused as to who he was when I first read that part.


Mi.Ishi chapter 1 . 12/26/2005
This is an interesting idea, but not very well introduced, I think. Your grammar could do with some work; there are many run-on sentences, wrong punctuations, fragmented sentences. You also tend to introduce things at very weird intervals that have no context with comes after or before it.

But if you worked on it, perhaps got an editor to look over it for you, this could have a lot of potential. It's only the first chapter though, so I'll see if anything changes further into the story.


justine chapter 22 . 12/26/2005

another cliffhanger!



Losuai chapter 22 . 12/26/2005
Bryan is very...scary/creepy. Why didn't she dump him in the first place? I liked this chapter but I think there are a few typos in the middle. Update soon.
thewindymill chapter 22 . 12/26/2005
NOO! *bangs head on wall* It deleted it x.x TTTT Stupid arrow thingys x.x was a good review _ And now I forgot what I put...It is a great plot though _ Sorry I can't give you a better review (

O! Bryan was her ex-boyfriend, interesting..very interesting..CLIFFY! They got caught O_O And making-out at that...interesting XDD And slightly funny _ Alana is very humerous XD But then in another story I laughed for about 10 minutes straight when I found out that a girl was pregnant O_O maybe I'm just odd like that...Anywho, I can't wait until the next update! Happy Holidays _

BeautifulSin chapter 1 . 12/26/2005
Nyte Tym Starr chapter 21 . 12/23/2005
OMG i love this story and the line that rolls with it. now i want to know the story behind her and bryan. Please please please update real soon!
Nyte Tym Starr chapter 11 . 12/23/2005
Wow i love this story so far...i can't wait to finish it later and i will mark my words i will
Enigmatic Huntress chapter 21 . 12/19/2005
Logan may be trying to help her in his own misguided way, but I really don't think she needs a heart to heart , and certaintly not from him! I want answers though- concerning Bryan. So Update as soon as you can, luv Kaitx
postroyalty chapter 21 . 12/7/2005
yay! another chapter, very interesting, keep writing!
goldring chapter 21 . 11/29/2005
Aw, I'm sorry to hear about school...Don't those idiot teachers know that senior year is supposed to be the EASIEST? (It gets better second semester, trust me) Anyway, yay for updates! More more more! And...maybe some Logan-POV, hmm? Keep writing! ;-D
Lyarah chapter 21 . 11/28/2005
Nice filler chapter! Tension hehe gotta love it. lol. go you! Take your time, but do update!
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