This is really good! Please update soon!

i like this story. personally, I'm not surprised telekinetic power was unlocked by her trauma. The average human uses only a small part of his or her brain cells, and, just like a blind person has better hearing than most, a traumatized mute can speak another way.*shrugs*good story.

:) CD

That was very interesting. There were a few places where the plot got hazy, but other than that, it deserves an A.

What a powerful young lady! You still haven't addressed why she can't speak, although hysterical causes would be normal. I see potential issues coming unless you are going to invoke polyamory in your story. For some reason I'm pulling for guys are very young soldiers, and the soldiery thing to do would rain death and destruction on the perps. Why haven't we seen / heard of any plan to avenge Sharri. It's kind of a testerone characteristic of young male soldiers ya know!Another strong chapter, displaying a surprising amount of sensitivity. Sooner or later one of the others is going to invade her space. Hopefully the night time sleep will be more restful for Sharri!Thanks for sharing!

Very powerful, scared the crap out of me as she "?" Jason. Major TK hapenning now. Potentially the reason for the murder of her parents? Great descriptions, emotions, and images. Pace sped up quite a bit here, hopefully someone is proofreading for you, because I just submerged into your story. Continuity problems, or plot issues are probably all I'd notice right now. Very strong, I love it!Thanks for sharing!

wow, thats so sad!

The characters sound alot like those from Gundam Wing...did they influence you by chance?

Shianne,That's a real nasty chapter, well told, but a lot of particularily ugly images. Does Sharri have any idea why these things happened to her?On to your craft ... You did a very good job of extending your description of both Luke and Sharri. On the way you also skillfully gave us some more information about the rest of the guys.I'm still waiting for some more detail about the world these folks live in. the police force still works, what are 5 19 year old elite soldiers doing alone in a house in suburbia? More details please!The relationship between Luke and Sharri went up a notch this chapter. Luke is exploring new territory and I believe Sharri is beginning to trust him. I have the image of a gentle giant for Luke, is this your intention?Thanks for sharing!Al

I like this. I have a suspicion that there is a connection between Luke, Jason and Sharri. Maybe something will happen? Who knows?

Shianne,I guess you'll just have to consider me one of your friends then!Sharri seems to be starting to heal a bit, but she sure wants to be on her own. Is this simply an abused person trying to get away to heal, or is there some other devious reason for you to have her run? Is she going to return? How long before the guys figure out that she's gone again? Are they watching her? When are we going to find out more about the other guys? You've really only dealt with Luke and Jason so you're sparking lots of interest. At least on my part. Thanks for sharing!

Al

Shianne,A very interesting update! Telepathy with an addition of probably empathy? I thought Luke already suspected that Sharri could be older than she looked.I for one, am glad that you posted this story, although I was surprised at the speed of your update!I think it's going to take quite a bit of effort on the boys part to get Sharri to trust them. On the other hand, with the possible exception of Chen, the boys have already accepted responsibility for Sharri. I see much turmoil ahead!Thanks for sharing!

Shianne,Interesting story, I don't know if I would have read it if you weren't on my alert list. Romance/angst are not codes that I'd normally read. So far angst doesn't seem appropriate, maybe drama.

I like how you've developed your characters so far, and I'm sure that you will flesh them out as the story continues. Did the guys destroy the building? Are they soldiers? What is the backstory to 'Unbreakable Bonds'? Why can't the girl talk? I hope that all five do in fact 'adopt' her.

I'm looking forward to reading more of your writing. You are very much able to set a mood, introduce a character, and develop a plot. That makes you a storyteller. I haven’t noticed any egregious errors, so I'll also gift you with the 'writer' mantle if you desire. In my opinion however, being a storyteller is better!

Thanks for sharing!

It's a great start and i can't wait to see how the rest developes!

lovely story so far i lookfoward to reading more