Reviews for Concrete Wall
Manuel Fajar chapter 1 . 10/8/2006
such barriers we create to keep out

stone walls or moats,—piled high or dug down deep

no matter the construction will come down

or be filled up by detritus with time

but sooner be subverted by man's will

how easily we give away gold keys

that hold the hidden treasure of red heart

a word, a kiss, a hug with love undoes

the most elaborate of plans we've made

and lets in tigers along with the sheep

trojan our wishes undermine our deeds

that planned with rationality seemed strong

yet passion will forever win heart's day

leaving us helpless with those we've let in

to rape & pillage soul's interior
Theory Of The 4th Dimension chapter 1 . 9/23/2005
Its sad...but we can all relate to this can we?
daphnegray78 chapter 1 . 4/23/2005
"Then you ripped my heart apartjust like you did those walls.

Wow. I really like that line. That line... omg it's just awesome.

And I rather like the ending. It's sad, but it's reality. When someone hurts you, you have to build defenses to keep it from happening again. And once you let your guard down, if someone hurts you again, you're twice as wary. I know from experience haha.

Awesome work!

~Daphne~
LauraKM chapter 1 . 4/11/2005
I like the ending, nice poem.
Traced In Green chapter 1 . 3/16/2005
Nicely written. I can definately relate to this one. Good job and thanks for reviewing!
A Face Worth Remembering chapter 1 . 3/16/2005
A few spelling and capitilization errors. But w/e. Love the poem! I hate it when that happens. Again, you write really well, Im envious :) great job!I like the ending

Elli
hiding behind amber eyes chapter 1 . 3/15/2005
ibuilt them to jeep you out-5th line you might want to fix, i like the my own construction thing, and i like the compairision. i've written and read a lot about laws, but i think this is one of my favorites. i do like the ending keep posting!
Anna178 chapter 1 . 3/14/2005
I love the ending. I can really relate to this one. Just the girl in the corner. Yep that's me. Only you forgot the shadowed part. You see it's all in the shadowed corner. *nods* I'm in a good mood right now, as if it were'nt obvious. I hope someday you wont need walls. But pretty words can't heal all the wounds I know. But I'm here if that makes any difference.

ANNA
smile persephone chapter 1 . 3/11/2005
The ending is rather abrupt. if you put:

'so now i've made a new wall,a wall forged with concrete'

it would flow nicer. That way, the length of the final line (roughly) matches the others.

Well done, though! I enoyed it, there is so much emotion involved.
breezy nostrils chapter 1 . 3/11/2005
I can relate...we all want to build those walls. Great poem! Keep on going!
born-again chapter 1 . 3/10/2005
The ending is so sad and yet humerous at the same time (well, that makes sense to me), brill.
SaveMeToo chapter 1 . 3/10/2005
Wow, I like the idea of this one...i like the line about ripping my heart apart just like that wall. Good write.

*~Amber~*
poetic abortion chapter 1 . 3/9/2005
Yes. Powerful and again relateable. ;

!~* Noelle *~!
xHannahx chapter 1 . 3/9/2005
mm.. if only those walls could stay built once we make them. nice poem, missing some spaces tho.

Han.
Cry Tears of Darkness chapter 1 . 3/9/2005
very interesting
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