|Reviews for Inappropriate Desires|
| InsanePhoenix chapter 20 . 11/18/2006
Woot yeah! Lol I read through Incestual desires as well and I'm sorry that I didn't review it seperately but I broke my collar bone. I reall really love both incestual and innapropriate desires. I think I like this one a lil better though please update.
| akaCHEEKS chapter 1 . 11/11/2006
weird.. but ok.. i'll read.. i guess.. you didn't even finish it dude!
| arachibutyrophobia chapter 18 . 9/17/2005
do u kno u dont accept anon reviews?
Well, personally, I think the format doesn’t really give the story much depth; it makes it too choppy. Because you can go seriously deep into the family dynamics here, don’t use questions in bold and then have them answered. ex:
-:Is such thing possible?:-
Flesh it out! The introductions to the characters felt uneven, too.
The rest of the family: you need to work on how you portray secondary characters. They had almost no effect in the story. The way the parents carry on – which seems incredibly immature at times, would probably make the kids angry, as well as the two friends after their honeymoon – it felt really rude. If you don’t like secondary characters, don’t write stories with them. If you like focusing purely on relationships between two people, do that. But the scene has to be appropriate for that.
Descriptions, descriptions. You can look around at many stories for help on that. As for the sex scenes, they tend to be the most vivid in your writing… but if you want to, there’s an author by the name of Scribe Mozell that writers incredible stories that equally balances the sex and plot. Check her out, if you’re interested, even if it’s just for an amazing read.
Cleaning up author’s notes from previous chapters will smooth out the writing, as well as the fact that occasionally you put an authors note smack in the middle of the story. Don’t do that. It pulls the reader out of the story, and then they don’t always get back in.
You have a lot of sex, but the emotions seem a bit shallow, learn to delve into the character. I can't really give you a good way to do that - you kind of have to learn it on your own... something that may help is if you go to ~writersfp and... eek. forgot the title. it's the essay one on character development, i believe. Yeah. it may help.
"Yeah. We were kinda going through the exploration mode of our relationship. We stopped the frenzied mating to get to know each other more, since we didn’t really bond over the years we’ve known each other, even though we’ve been neighbors for practically our whole lives. The sex was held off… only absent groping and soft kisses were allowed. Hot stuff was kept back until our 3 week mark was reached. And during those weeks, we went out on dates and found out what the other liked and disliked, those stuff." - you could seriously use this time period to deepen the story.
Getting a beta would help. Sorry, but I would make an awful beta, otherwise I’d offer to be yours. Scout around for one, and if you want me to I can always give you a shout-out in my next update of LIB. Email me about anything!
| ShadowPharoh chapter 20 . 9/17/2005
lol. _ you rock. _
| purple sea chapter 20 . 8/31/2005
This is so funny! I didn't like the last installment as much as I like this one, I think there was too much smutt in it, and you just went overboard with it also there wasn't any emphasis on the incestual relationship that their parents shared. I like how at the beginning of the chapters you talk to the characters, that is so cool and so very funny! You have got to update soon, as this story is really funny and I look forward to reading more off this installment.
| cowsgoquack chapter 20 . 8/4/2005
that was so funny.i'm really dorry i haven't been reviewing is like the first time in about a month that i have gotten a hold of a moniter let alone the interweb...this apoplogy thing is getting harder..I have to be creative and apologize to every author i haven't reviewed in a while in a diferent way so i wont seem shallow...sigh..I 'm sorry.i wonder if most of them remember me...hm...O.o
| Keir16 chapter 20 . 7/25/2005
Hey! omg i missed you so much, i hope that doesnt sound bad. I understand how you feel about your characters, it's like they're your own children and you don't want them to go away to college, very cool. And about the gays, that's just plain ol' SEXY! Omg, I think I should talk about this chapter, it might take a while but oh , about chapter 2 'My New Lab Rat' I loved it. It's really cool that you chose the teacher, I hope he's not gay, and Lia falls inlove with him, and he risks his job for her because he loves her so much. That would be so very romantic, and it fits the crytiria of your other stories. They would have to hide their love for each other from other teachers, students, and their families, that's what I call a good story. P. remeber how i told you that I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone, and he was annoyed with the sounds of the keyboard..well I broke up with him last weekend, he's seriously stalking me, he calls me everyday, and e-mail me 24/7 and all that stuff, way freaky...see you later!
| Maris. S chapter 20 . 7/22/2005
*lol* That's okieso. No problem. Anywhoo, this was a serisouly funnies chappie. Liana was kinda slow of the fact that Clymer was the new sub, but that's okieso. ( i would have done the same thing) Anywhoo... i want a really hott male teacher next year...who's ya know...young. I dunno, maybe if he was a history teacher, I'd actually pay attention ; *j/k* anywhoo, please update sooN~~!
| sparklingGoddess chapter 20 . 7/19/2005
Hey. Well im a new person to your stories. They really do hold me captive. I cannot wait to read more. So much plot. Its all...melphduh! Dont ask its a word i made up about a second ago. Keep writting!
| Broadway Doll chapter 20 . 7/18/2005
I HATE "Julius Caesar" with a passion.
And... yeah. Like I said. You're characters have been just super-spiffy this entire story.
| jma chapter 12 . 7/17/2005
What's up with all the 'gay' and 'gays' talk? And then a couple chaps ago you said somethign about 'queers' and 'gays' being different. I'm not bombing you or anything, and you do have a cute story. But some of the words you use to describe us homo's leave much to be desired. 0.o
| vampyre-lover0666 chapter 20 . 7/17/2005
i had to read the chapter before this one i forgot whatshe was doing *smacks self* u can remember my name from memory *makes a shocked face* heh kool thiswas an awsome story sounds kool defiantly cant wait to read more toodles
| Nolaknowsmyname chapter 19 . 7/10/2005
talk about double talk but here goes... thank u for thankin me lol an i hope u struggle out of the cola and write another fantastic story! this one rocked major! later Lizi : )
| Broadway Doll chapter 19 . 7/2/2005
MY DEAREST DARLINGEST SUGAR!
I'm so sorry I haven't reviewed in a royal forever! For some reason, my internet would not let me do things such as submit reviews until now. It's been quite retarded, really. Oftentimes I couldn't even access FictionPress. Although I shouldn't be typing about how retarded my internet is, because I will tragically jinx myself and my finally-working internet will turn on me just like in "Julius Caesar" and I will never be able to review you again.
Might I just say I LOVED the ending of this story. And I loved the little review-tribute you did at the end. Gosh, you're so creative. Um... you actually remind me of ME, when I'm alone in a room arguing out loud with myself. I love how you have your characters converse with you in your introductions, and your introduction to Liana is really promising! I can't wait to see what's in store for her next... and hopefully I'll be able to review about it... umm... I love you, internet? Please don't turn on me. Please? *hugs cable modem out of pure desperacy*
Good to be back. :O) Later!
| Keir16 chapter 19 . 6/30/2005
OMG i loved that it was really funny, and all those thummps and stuff from kevin and kenneth were hilarious, i would have reviewed more but my dad doesnt have a computer and i'm usually at his house watching my little sister and brother-Alyssa and Andrew-they're three and five, very annoying but cute
I cant wait for your new story it sounds really neat, are you obsessed with writing about people that know eachother or something, b/c most of your stories were mentioned by Li in this chapter, what is she going to write about? i think you should get her to fall in love with someone(it'll probably be a girl knowing you) *no offense* i just know what your like after reading all your stories, they're really good by the way...I don't think I've ever actually just came out and said how much I liked them...well I have to go, my boyfriend is on the phone and the noises from the keyboard are driving him up the wall-i love bugging him sometimes..lol