|Reviews for Alone: Remix|
| Guest chapter 5 . 2/4/2013
Hope you keep writing.
| animebaby2000 chapter 5 . 9/15/2008
good job:) i want more please :)
| Oki3xDoki3 chapter 5 . 9/3/2006
kya~ I love this story soo much! I want more! .
| Loves2right chapter 5 . 8/14/2006
the story is good and very captivating. So keep writing and give the audience what they want. A fight sceen.
| Electric Tape chapter 5 . 8/14/2006
This story is absolutly amazing. I can't wait for chapter six. Hurry please! :D
| sugarcrazedduckie chapter 5 . 7/1/2006
I very much enjoyed your story. You put a lot of emotion into this story, I can tell. A very good job on character emotions and plot. Please write more.
| BreathingFlames chapter 5 . 6/28/2006
Eek! It's wonderful and I love it...but...but...I need a happily-ever-after, dammit!
*bites lip* Pwease?
Update soon too? Because I'll love you forever?
| Martin Clement chapter 5 . 6/21/2006
I really love the story. You succeed in making the readers feel the loneliness and the distress Mark has to go through. I started to read this story over a year ago and couldn't wait to read the rest of the story, so I hope I won't have to wait for another year before you post chapter 6. You are a good writer and this story is a very good story. Keep on the good work!
| latherieth chapter 5 . 5/23/2006
Yay!I'm waiting for 6 chapter :)
| Tig chapter 5 . 5/22/2006
Your story is great. I must say I really like it. When I frist read the one that was not the remix I was a bit saddened that you had not updated. I'm really glad that you did!-Emo Tig
| Starrlena chapter 5 . 4/19/2006
I just now found you're story and I have to say that I am really enjoying it. I love the turn of events in this story so far. I can't wait for more.
| American Schokolade chapter 5 . 4/17/2006
So, after reading this, I figured I could do one of two things. I could either review each chapter with short little snippets for each, or I could leave on long review at the end. I decided for the latter, even though I’m sure you’d like to get many reviews, but I feel more eloquent when I’m not interrupted. So, here we go:
Okay, my first piece of advice is to work on your sentence structure. The way it is now seems very short and choppy. Beyond that, the vast majority of sentences start with the word “I,” and this, of course, creates the problem of redundancy. Start out, I suppose, just by inverting your sentences when you can (so it isn’t always the rigid “Subject-verb-object”). Try using less linking verbs (is, was, are, were, etc.) and more action verbs, and that will most likely help this problem in the long run. And then, of course, there’s the good old option of combining sentences by means of various conjunctions, which is very doable in this case because all your subjects are usually the same.
Also, watch your redundancy in general. For example, in Chapter 2:
“So, I went to the bus stop and waited for the bus. Every type of person was waiting there. There were all sorts of people there. There were tall, short, skinny, fat, and everything in between. Our city was very diverse so we had all sort of people waiting.”
Notice that you tend to repeat things in different words. “Every type of person” and “all sorts of people” are essentially the same thing, and since the two sentences in which those appear are used to no other effect than to reiterate, it’s best to just edit one out. The truth is, the reader will get it if you say it just once. Similarly, the last sentence of this passage, “Our city was very diverse so we had all sort of people waiting,” just once again repeats what you already wrote before. I assume that with this sentence, you wanted to capitalize on the diversity of the city as represented at the bus stop, but that really is an unimportant detail, as most cities are diverse by nature, and if you can’t work such a detail into the story without introducing such repetition, it’s best just to leave it out.
These are really just minor things too—and I think the only way to fix them is to have more practice, which, I assume, is the very point of your writing here, and I commend that. Just be conscious of this when you’re writing, fix it whenever you can think of a way to do so, and it will get better.
I really love your plot and your characters. It’s very cute and at the same time very sad. You did the whole Cris-betrayal-thing very well; it made me feel an infinite amount of pity for Mark. That’s all I really have to say for now, except that I hope you update really soon and I’ll be looking for more!
| kellach chapter 5 . 4/17/2006
a really great turn of 't wait for the next chapter.
| omizu chapter 5 . 4/9/2006
You better write more boy! I feel so bad for Mark! Gah, that last chapter...it makes me feel so sad. I hate when people are mean to others.
| Esquirella chapter 5 . 4/3/2006
I like Blake here, but I'm hoping you don't drop the other shoe on my head for saying that. LOL!