|Reviews for What You Didn't Know You Did|
| Not Quite Dry Eyed chapter 1 . 5/11/2005
great job i really liked it keep writing 4 eva and always PLease R&R me sometime Thankx
| Fire and Air chapter 1 . 4/26/2005
wow, that was good. You should write more. It's really powerful.
| Erica chapter 1 . 4/24/2005
wow this poem is really powerful keep it up
| Jess chapter 1 . 4/19/2005
that's so fucking good
| HauntedMisery chapter 1 . 4/9/2005
Wow, very powerful, great job!
| citrus scented chapter 1 . 4/2/2005
beautiful! hehe, really amazing, I love the idea- glad for the happy ending, really glad.
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 3/31/2005
very powerful and beautifully written poem.. I can totally relate.. amazing job
| Dancinggal5389 chapter 1 . 3/30/2005
very, VERY good. the first line grabbed my attention right away and it held it there. def one of your best ones
| In Denial of Nice Things chapter 1 . 3/28/2005
The song is okay, but it could definitely be better. Considering that I think this song is literally narrating an event, (if it is symbollic to something else, let me know.) the kind of bittersweet approach to the idea of cutting, then having someone make you all better, is over used. Period. To make this song seem unique and yours, you should first stop using general words. Words like pain, hurt, and broken are so general and are used too much that they have lost their feeling. What kind of pain? What happened to cause pain? I think the use of antonyms to describe the true emotion you're trying to convey will make the song seem a little less cliche. Instead of saying:
"Because every time I’m with you
I just don’t know what pain feels like."
You could say:
Because every time I'm with you,I only know what (insert antonym for pain here) feels like.
It uses the same structure, just something different in the middle. Of course, don't use that exactly because that is horrible. That is just an example of how the technique can work.
You could also just describe the situation that caused pain or make a metaphor for it, so the reader (or maybe one day listener, since this is a song) would just assume, "Oh, they're feeling pain right there!"
I hope I helped a little. I'm not trying to be mean or say that what I suggested is the way to write. If you don't like anything I suggested, completely disregard it. I'll read more of your work in later days!
| punkrockjunglequeen chapter 1 . 3/28/2005
eh this one is really pretty too, but its not something i really want to think about. its sad, but it sounds healing too. it makes a great song, not random dicussion online.