Reviews for MASCARA
Cathryn Anne chapter 1 . 6/16/2005
Last stanza is my favorite. Great job! Keep writing. I can relate
Sarah-Brighteyes chapter 1 . 6/12/2005
A poem with a message...finally. I think you did a fine job with the stanzas and the last one fits. I think perhaps one more would tie the whole piece together, though I dont think it necessarily needs it. "middle aged death-coming sigh"... wow that was powerful to this write. You show how important it is to be yourself, not aged... or to try to age before your time, good write. bravo to you.
myno chapter 1 . 4/4/2005
Your face angled; pained, hair straightTired obsidian eyes and plastic lipsRepresent the innocence and child in herAs she pours the vodka and hesitantly sips

Well... You wanted suggestions, there's mine. You are a talented poet, this is quite well written.
in theory chapter 1 . 4/2/2005
Wow, I'm impressed. This poem is so readable, so smooth. Beautiful work.
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 3/31/2005
very powerful
Nobody-n-Particular chapter 1 . 3/29/2005
Just the first two lines of the last stanza are a bit too wordy. Perhaps this:

"Your face angled, pained and sharp,Those obsidian hue eyes and plastic lips"

It's fits better with the rhythm and syllables, and still retains the meaning. But it's your decision. Even w/o change, this is a nice poem.
boogalaga chapter 1 . 3/29/2005
I don't have a problem with the last stanza. It was clear in its meaning, admittedly you don't rime lines A and C, but thats okay. You rhyme lines B and D, so the reader doesn't notice.
AllyCred chapter 1 . 3/29/2005
i really like this the descriptions are very well done and the imagery is just amazing...i love the wording and the last stanza really speaks to me...i love it. lots of love AllyCred
blackoutroses chapter 1 . 3/29/2005
beautifully written- the stark reality contrasts well with the painted social image. The poem shows depth- great work! However, i would say it seems like an abrupt end- you said there was more? post it, i'd be interested to see where you take this.
Jamez chapter 1 . 3/29/2005
You don't need help on the last stanza, everything about that poem is wonderful...well except the whole idea it's kinda sad really, but awesome!Keep writing!

James _
Aero Faerie Extraordinaire chapter 1 . 3/29/2005
I like it. I love the 3rd / 4th lines. It makes you feel sad in a good way, makes you think. Peace. TAStewart
AshCast007 chapter 1 . 3/29/2005
I really liked how this is written, very realistic, well i don't know if it's true or not, but it's really good.