|Reviews for Rawness of Being|
| Unknown Unnamed chapter 1 . 4/26/2005
I liked it, although the 5th and 9th stanzas have different rhyme schemes than the rest and in the 9th stanza, you use the word eyes twice at the end of a line. It seems repetitive and unnecessary, since you could've you something else in it's place. Anyways, the rest of the poem was lovely and I liked it. It was really dark and made me shiver.
| DementedOracle chapter 1 . 4/23/2005
One little typo:"It seems as [thought] the world is dying inside too"Should be [though], I big deal, really, but it made me go back and read again when I would have liked to read on.
And a dubious wording:"I wonder where its feet once [wondered]"Did you mean this to be [wandered]? I don't like to assume miss-wording when I can help it, but I couldn't fathom what meaning "wondering" would have pertaining to feet. If this line was just to deep for me (No sarcasm whatsoever intended), then please disregard this comment.
The fifth stanza is one of my two favorites (the final stanza was my other). The efforts are to make gazes linger upon you; to be seen. Yet calling those efforts weak and unworthy says quite plainly that they are unsatisfactory and are not producing the result for which you'd hoped. The lonely mind echoing in a hollow word is a fine if subtle piece of imagery to wrap up the stanza.
| milhistbuff1 chapter 1 . 4/15/2005
Very true, only when life is gone do we recognize it's immortal value. As for your justice quote, justice corrupted is no justice at all. vivid emotion, if i close my eyes, i can actually see that chest being "cracked open"
| addie pray chapter 1 . 4/9/2005
In awe. This was astounding. Gaping mouth and jealous fingers, this is on my favorites. Perfection.
| Nobody-n-Particular chapter 1 . 4/6/2005
It's interesting how the lines get steadily longer and longer. Lovely combination of words.
| Cry Tears of Darkness chapter 1 . 4/4/2005
| Liebchen Rose chapter 1 . 4/3/2005
*blinks* wowie! Definately an in your face kind of poem. I actually think this would make a really cool rock type song. I love the way you rhymed in this piece. It worked quite well. You really put an emotional punch in this. Nice work love.~Libchen Rose
| Deirdra Chaeli chapter 1 . 4/3/2005
I'm honored that you dedicated a work this powerful to me. And I'm glad to see you took my comment well- it produced a really beautiful poem.
Well, not beautiful. More... striking. Each line grabs you wherever it can and tries to change you- and I love that. The imagery is very in-your-face with every aspect, and all in all it's very, very striking. Awesome work, Matthew.
| catseyeview chapter 1 . 4/3/2005
your work is still wonderful...glad to catch your most recent