|Reviews for You and I|
| Triden chapter 1 . 8/20/2005
i like it, but why did it matter that the parents were watching them?
| maxnotevoltage chapter 1 . 8/16/2005
I like how you develop this, using the canoe as the focal point. Very intriguing and deep. Good job! -
| The Proxy Ninja chapter 1 . 7/16/2005
There were a few amazing things about this piece.
1) The solid execution of the second perspective.
2) The imagery, God, the imagery! "We’d splay our fingers on the cold metal of the canoe and hoist it, shuddering, onto our shoulders.", "I’d look into the bottom of the boat and see the water there, so dirty compared to the water of the lake, then wipe the sweat off my brow.", "This went on and on until the water in the bottom of the boat was sloshing up to our ankles."
3) Simple perceptiveness and sensitivities: "I would wiggle into my swim team suit with the racing stripe down the side, a loud statement of athleticism and a quiet admission of how I hated the awkward curves of my body.", "They would smile to each other and tiptoe to their room, as dedicated to the preservation of youthful illusion as we."
4) The endearing relationship between the "You" and "I". -smiles.- the whole account in general- even if it was simple, plain, everyday-ish, you were able to render it into a wonderful, simple vignette.
And of course, you have a great way with closings. I can't explain to you how awesome your closings are. This one wasn't as bitter-sweet, it was just simple, and quietly sad. Which I liked. Ugh. Why don't you write more short stories/vignettes?
| katmufla chapter 1 . 4/10/2005
wow, i can't really explain why, but this was really powerful. just completely beautiful, and the ending actually made me cry. i loved the ending, even if it was really sad. only thing i saw was in the third paragraph in the first line "when you and i went canoeing, we both AGREE that the best..."i think agreed would fit better..would make more sense to me. and August should be capitalized. but really, this was wonderful, i wish i had your talent. i never read stories, but i felt i owed you for all of your helpful reviews! thanks so much. great job! i'm jealous! faves!