|Reviews for Advocate|
| CTRL chapter 7 . 4/24/2005
Hi! This story is pretty good. I like the stories you write, they're interesting, and have action. lol.
I just started reading this tonight so ya...please keep posting more of the story!
I'd write a longer review but its midnight where i am and im getting really sleepy.
| B. S. Armstrong chapter 7 . 4/22/2005
KEEP POSTING! I love your story ust one thing I noticed is that all the creatures you've introduced have been somewhat the same, like the demons were all very similar even though they were different. But anyways I still love the story, as I said, and keep posting more of it please.
| B. S. Armstrong chapter 5 . 4/17/2005
All I can say is do post more as soon as possible!
| SulliMike23 chapter 3 . 4/14/2005
Mien gott! Matt sure as hell put his life on the line, and I'm guessing Sarah is not going to put up with that.
| B. S. Armstrong chapter 3 . 4/14/2005
I love what you have posted so far, when are you going to post more? One thing I noticed is that you don't explain their surroundings with any real detail.
| Mystical-River chapter 2 . 4/13/2005
OH wow! Nicely done. This story automatically pulled me in from the start, I'm not sure what it is about it, but it's a good thing. Please update soon.
| Mystical-River chapter 1 . 4/13/2005
I like the story so far, nicely done. I'm on to the next chapter. :)
| The Masked Reviewer Aha chapter 1 . 4/9/2005
That was really good. And I mean really good. This is the first review I've written for this site, and I've been browsing through stuff for a couple of months, a couple of stories a day. I'm glad I found yours. Most stories on here are utterly mediocre - it seems like reading them is a chore, something to be gotten over with. Yours I actually enjoyed. The only other stories I get any sort of pleasure out of are the spectacularly awful ones.(Spectacularly. I mean, just terrible. Try . ?storyid88368)But your story is great. I actually want to know what happens next. Critique-wise, there's not a lot to say. The dialogue flows well, nothing seems unnatural or forced, and you've just the right level of detail on narration. (Others would say: "They had a drink and he told her about he was going to kill a demon," or "They walked slowly into the inn which was made of pure white plaster with drak wooden beams. Sarah sat down in her favourite seat and blah blah blah...")Grammar! Grammar! Blessed be your grammar! You included commas after speech was finished! I love you! ("Thanks for the drink," said Matt - Look at that comma!)The use of italics to denote thought works well, it allows you to shift between narration and seeing a character's thoughts spelling mistakes, a couple of typos, but what the I had to criticise (and Lord, I'm struggling), two things. One small, the other : Don't be afraid of 'said'. So your teachers told you it was boring, so what? It works well, and when you read you gloss over it, so you absorb the important stuff (the dialogue), not the other stuff (the irritating denoters).As an example: “What the hell…?” questioned the man - I wouldn't use "questioned" here, as it's obvious he is. Having said all that, I can't say I noticed it during the story. A Good Thing: the story is being absorbed by me easily. But keep off the slippery slope. Sooner or later, the word "expectorated" will appear...Tiny thing: You used s-stuttering four times, at a glance. People notice these things and it makes them think, stops them really well done. I actually look forward to part 2, as opposed to my usual utter apathy which online fiction instills in me.
| SulliMike23 chapter 1 . 4/9/2005
Very interesting story. However the twelve talismans remind me of the twelve talismans from Jackie Chan Adventures. It's still good though and I can already see Sarah and Matt got off on a good start.