There is a bit of a difference between your writing before and now. I still love the story, of course!

Ah. Dante's Bring. I remember that now. Such a destructive force, huh? Interesting...

Onto the next chapter!

Oh YES! The Dragon. I remember this now. And I LOVE it when Matt shows off. He's amazing when he does.

I do like how this chapter was revamped. It added quite a bit to it, though one thing still plays on my mind.

Gariff. When he came to wake up Matt, is was a little abrupt. There was almost no warning, but it seemed to happen a little too... easily? Coincidental? It just seemed a little wrong, though it might be just fine with a few tweeks.

Keep up the good work, Kitai! GET PUBLISHED!

Sarah, Sarah, Sarah... Money. Plain and simple.

*laughs* It's true!

This is even MORE fun the second time around. I know, vaguely, what'll happen, so I can see the foreshadowing that's hidden within your work. It's nice, I think.

Onto Chapter 3!

Um... How about 4? *laughs*

Oh COURSE! A Sepfeer talisman. I COMPLETELY forgot about the competition. I can't believe I did that.

Anyway. I love the revision of this chapter. Though I'm not sure if I remember the pendant being there before? The one he got from Gariff? I don't think that it was in the original. It's a nice addition. I can't wait to see what it'll add to the story line.

I love the reaction from Davin to Sarah's eating habits. Classic!

*keeps going*

By the way, these will be relatively short since I've already read Advocate. I just want to go through and remember the story is all. I'll be commenting, though, on each chapter. Adding to your comment count! *evil laugh*

Muahahaha! I told you that I'd be reading Advocate again! This time, I'll review EVERY chapter again. Make sure that you read them! Kidding. That would take WAY too long.

I like the new update. It's a great improvement on the last Chapter 1. It's a little more... Polished.

One thing that keeps getting to me. Point of view changes without warning. Sometimes it's from Sarah. Then the next paragraph it'll be Matt. Small things like that get to me, a little bit. Maybe it's just me. Probably...

Onto Chapter 2!

Hi. I just finished your story Advocate, and thought it was great. However, I have a question. You know when Sarah bought the Indignation from the Sorcerer's Guild? Well I noticed she never used it. Did she throw it away when she learnt the truth about the Guild, or what?

Your loyal fan,

Feere Gorone

AWESOME! I love fantasy x)

I just read the first chapter of your story, and I thought it was one of the best I've read in a long time. I'll be reading the whole thing, and the sequel too. So ya, great story.

finished. :)

i love it. :)

will check out sequel now. :)

yay! XD

:)

sweet. very cute. lol

:)

its been ages since i've read a fantasy story like this. i miss it. :)

yay!

Heyo again! Hikari here. I really really like the changes you made to chapter 4. They really do make the chapter better, not that it wasn't good before, but i think you know what i mean. There's a lot more connections and foreshadowing i noticed than in the original chapter. _ I applaud!

~Hikari Emi~

Wow, I seem to be bumping into many talented women from the US these days. (sorry, inside joke for me, and it's lost all humor) oO;;

I saw one of your stories after recently updating my own, and I followed the links to your profile. I was pleasntly intrigued. Seldom do I find a gamer girl, and there's definitely a good selection of work for me to browse through.

I'll be reviewing as I read, and any spelling/grammar corrections will be confined to between these: []. It's an adopted system, but I find it's quite fun. xD

Onward! O

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Atticus sounds like a famous guy. :P

I'm not sure if I'd say your opening descriptions go overboard, but they flow well and are nicely detailed. There's good variety, and even the long descriptions keep me interested. :]

I'm in a state of unease after reading those "thought" segments to your paragraphs. Yes, I realize they're Sarah's, but maybe you should treat them like dialogue? I'm not sure, but that might be a clearer approach. Check out my fic if you'd like to see an example. ;D

Pay ONLY with money... I love this girl. xD

I'm quite impressed with the story thus far too; no abhorid errors as far as I've seen, so I gather you've done maybe half a dozen revisions if not more (or live updates to fix grammar/spelling). Most impressive.

Suspense as the thief cloes in! oO;;

Ooh... I like this. He's definitely an odd one, I'll say that much. O

Hm... when Matt introduces himself and explains he has no money, the paragraphs feel a bit clustered. You could probably do well by breaking off dialogue into its own paragraph for each line from a single character. Just a suggestion. :/

Lightning? Makes me wonder what else the guy knows. :P

Brains over brawn... I begin to like this Matt. :]

I notice your detail work has been drowning out your other focuses. I'm not a big fan of randomly jumping subjects, although it is intriguing how gems play a roll in your world's economy. ;;

Suavé this Matt is... although I feel rich sorcerors have been done before. :/

You say bounty hunters don't use magic, but I'm not so ready to accept that. Surely a magic wielding bounty hunter would be an interesting thought, no? :]

Reivin... hm... this is becoming interesting.

Wow, myriad of characters much? oO;;

Ah... this old trick. Atticus has just risen on the "intriguing meter" of mine. :D

Haha... silly Sarah and her "need to know" basis. Although I imagine she'd get fried for being honest with Matt. xD

-

Now this is truly an impressive beginning. I'll admit that even I had trouble keeping focus once you started burying us (the readers) in the random details, but they were nicely outlined. and they ARE preventing questions regarding plot holes (as my fic is earning... xD). ;;

The writing style is excellent. It flows well, and none of the characters are overly exaggerated or underplayed. Matt and Sarah are good at drawing in audiences, and I expect you'll only get more as you keep writing. :]

I'll be back... another time. ;D

PS: No actual spelling errors at all; now I'm convinced this you've revised into the double-digits!

Hi! Me again! :)

I'm so immersed in your story, I forget to review. About the time Matt shouts "Stay down!" I shake myself and remember to poke this little review box. Heh.

Backing up a bit, grammar-wise (I know, I know I always say I'll attack characterization, but I can't help this). I think it should be "I'm usually not that careless..." instead of "I'm not usually so careless." But eh, anyway.

Heh. I'm imagining the plaguehounds from World of Warcraft. I really played that too much...

So he does that ZOMGAWESOME spell and he's not even tired? Okay, he's not your average sorcerer. I'm assuming using that much magic is normal for him. I hope to see evidence of this later. -stares you down-

Grasslands right? How much can they see out here? How far does their vision go?

So the blood or the sword shines in the moonlight? "The silver, double-edged blade was coated in blood, shining brilliantly in the light of the moon." It's a bit confusing there.

How does the magic work? Elemental based? I'm assuming this so far...do you explain more about your magic later? I sure do hope so...

"It's okay. Your intentions were good." Ha this reminds me of a Kamelot song where Kahn sings "How could I be condemned for the things that I've done, if my intentions were good?" How far do you stretch that, hmm?

I like your fight scene. It could be better, but hey, anything could always be better.

-

Why IS Matt so carefree with his money? Now I'm getting curious. I try so hard not to get hooked and hyper about something, but you've caught me hard. :)

-

Oh wow. Now he's definitely going to enter, isn't he?

LOVE this story. And I'm only on the second chapter. :)

~Saz

Hi there, a friend of mine once knew a Kitai from Don't know if it's you or not, but I just thought that was a interesting tidbit of info and a different way to start a review. Which, I see this story was written a while ago but I have to review every chapter so here we go:

So, here we are. Typical small town where "nothing ever happens" Most fantasy seems to have a few of these.

I like Sarah so far. I find it hard to stop myself from reading to tell you this.

"Need had the ability to drive people." - I like this quote. It's so true.

For some reason, the thought came to my head...Most people would've told that encounter (where Sarah steals what's-his-face's moneyz) from the guy's point-of-view instead of Sarah. And I like the way your character, Sarah, has developed so fast. I'm already finding myself connecting to her.

It's interesting how you shift character PoV so effortlessly...you've definitly got some talent for writing. And, wow, i REALLY fell in love with your characters fast.

Sarah, I connect to personality wise. Matt, I love because he's apparently got some nifty 'power' or something thereof...and he's overall smiley and nice. :)

The story overall does have a video game, anime feel to it, but I'm a sucker for those kinds of stories...when they're done well. And as far as I care, you're doing it well.

Heh. Don't you love these compliments? I try to find constructive criticism, and arg... -shrug- I'm beginning to be as nice in reviews as my author...

Matt's so goddamn nice. Normally, that would piss me off, but there ARE people like that in real life...so cheers for Matt! :)

I think I know why these characters are so great now. They're not the typical stupid young main characters. They're both mature and whatnot...Sarah is a thief because she has no choice and she's good at it. Matt's personality kinda identifies him as a glass-half-full way of seeing life, yet he's not portrayed as stupidly naive.

"If someone can tell me why he deserves to be killed, then I'll hunt him." - I adore his philosophy. Cheers!

Well, I loved it, and I'm definitely adding you to my list of 'authors who know how to create characters.' :)

Cheers and cheerios mate

~Saz