great story!

This is really good, your writing is different to most of the ones i see on here. Great job.

OMGOMGOMGOMG! Awesome, freaking awesome! You have an extremely unique style and believe me, I've seen a lot of writers!

I'm sorry Davin died [though it was a very dramatic way to go, kudos to you for that], but the twist with Xiphias and Sepfeer? Flippin' brilliant! I'd shake your hand, but honestly? That's a tad pushing it considering I'm on this side of the computer... Anyways, it was great the way you did the fight when he died though, that was good. Very good.

As for Sarah and Matt's relationship [I'm a fluff whore ya see, I'm only a smidgeon ashamed of it]... CAN I SAY FLIPPIN' BRILLIANT? Actually, I think I already said that somewhere up there... But they are so cute. Really. And while most authors [me] tend to overdo with the waff, you didn't. At all. Simple and sweet, just the way it should be. Great job!

Some very minor typos, nothing really worth mentioning, I better end my review before FP cuts it off for me... In summary, great work and I'm totally going to read the sequel if you'll excuse me...

a friend of mine whose name i shall not mention () suggested this fic for me, knowing i have a weakness for fantasy fics like yours, and damn that bastard!

he got me hooked on to this fic T_T

just so you kno, i will be checking this story often after i make a fictionpress account, so count on it!

Firstly: I would like to say that this is a really great story. I really enjoyed reading it.

Secondly: not to be mean,but some parts were kind of predictable. (ex. somehow you knew that Matt was Atticus just by reading the first few chapters) try to keep your readers guessing at things.

well...I'm off to read some of your other work. -see ya-

I absolutely admire your talent at story writing. I have not quite finished this story yet, but I just had to give a review because this story is just to great to pass up.

Your characterization is admirable along with keeping a good pace. At the beginning it seemed rushed, but by the tenth chapter the story was at the perfect pace. Lots of action, and it seems like there is never a boring minute. Such a feat is truly amazing. I must congragulate you.

Your grammar and spelling is very good, but maybe one or twice a word or sentence was incorrect, however it was hardly noticeable. (Only nitpicky English teachers would notice, but seeing how I am not an English teacher I will leave it alone).

Anyways, I love this story and cannot wait to finish it as soon as possible. Keep writing.

-Queen Yseult

Hello there! I was scrolling through the list of fantasy stories, and yours stuck out! So I clicked and I read and I liked! Well, I like so far seeing as how I've only read the first chapter. ::coughcough:: AHEM!

Anyway, I have a habit of writing long and involved reviwes, so when you see the length, don't worry! I rarely critisize people! I only encourage, or at least try to...

So now, for my analysis of Chapter One!

1. I liked how you opened the story. It catches the reader's eye and makes them interested. I certainly was!

2. I like Matt already. He seems easy going and nice, but I can tell ther's something about him...

3. Sarah's cool too! She's a lot like me...

4. Wow... she takes her job rather bluntly. I would've followed him and then bump into him. That's me though...

5. So...she's probably had a run-in with these guys before... poor girl. Reminds me of the guys who used to mooch lunch money off of me in third grade. They stopped when I beat one of them in baseball. But that's another story...

6. Aww! Matt's so nice! He gave her the moey that he didn't need! There should be more people like him in the world. But there aren't and that's just unfortunate for poor people like me...

7. Hmm... where did those rubies come from...

8. Hm... I wonder who this Reivin dude is. He's sounds evil. Very evil. Good. I like evil characters. And I really like really evil characters... MUAHAHAHAH!

9. Hmm... so Atticus is evidently innocent... Interesting...very interesting. I can't wait to find out more about him...

10. I like how he asked for his money back so bluntly. It shows that he's defiantly not shy.

It's a real good start to your story. You seem to have developed your characters well and the plot is moving along nicely.

I intend on keeping up with this story and I'll review every chapter. So until next time!

Sincerely,

The Almighty A-Chan

P.S. You get a box of donuts for a job well done. ::hands you the donuts::

Where do i start with this.

Alright. The world you've crafted is a beautiful one. I find it fairly unique, and definately a new experience. I congratulate you on making a fantasy world and avoiding elves entirely. The world seems interesting, and if anything, it reminds me of a really good RPG.

The characters are okay, in the beginning some are a bit confused about what they really are. Sarah is big on this, she seems really really confused, one moment she's an extremely strong female protagonist, another she's just a damsel in distress for Matt to save. Matt smiles too much, but his character seems to stay the same. Davin isnt fleshed out enough, i really really wasnt surprised or saddened enough by his death. Maybe give more of his PoV, he's just a straight up asshole in most of his scenes.

The fights are okay, although the frequent spars seem to blur together. One thing i find helpful during fight scenes is to stand up and try it out myself. The general straight out fights are pretty sweet though.

One thing that REALLY bugged me throughout, is you write every chapter like no one has read the chapters before it. Youll mention something nine or ten times, but never in the same chapter.

All in all, the novel is good, i love the world, most of the characters are decent, but there are some minor concerns

I just started reading this story and already I enjoy it. I was prompted to review because your story is a lot like some of my writings, although better, I suspect. I'm sure I won't be disappointed with this or its sequel.

I just finished reading this story. Looks like it is a bit old, but I found it because the sequel picqued my interest so I decided I should read this first. It's too long for me to make substantive comments about it, but the highest praise I can give it is that I read the whole thing in under 48 hours. It was very good. I'm not going to read the sequel right away (school work does have to happen at some point) but I'll probably eventually get around to it. Thanks for spending the time to write this.

Wow... That was an awesome story! Everything was really in-depth and well thought out! I really like you're descriptions of Reivin and Xiphias :) ... Atticus was great too... Ok they're all great! You really have a way with writing. You really should publish this!

Anyway aside from the endless praise of you story (it was awesome!) I'd definitely read a sequel! (You've probably already made one, I havent checked you bio yet) And I'll review it too!

I normally dont write long review's for stories... When I do I just babble... But authors are supposed to like knowing their stories are appreciated... Heh, if you don't I'm probably waisting your time, so - once again, great story! Bye!

wow, great story! cool plot and everything, i love the plot of this story! n excellent ending too, the name sarah celentis really has a nice touch to it. this is definitely an awesome story.

it's funny how you used such random stuff for spells and names. as i chose spanish classes over latin, i couldn't tell the difference. it was a good idea though. looking up complicated translations for my own stories just takes too long.

wonderful, except for two things. -sarah really didn't contribute enough. even if she sacrifced her life for matt, that would have been better than just physical support after the battle. i also thought for a while that she might have had a part of sepfeer in her. oh, well-as there's going to be a sequel, i think you should have waited before suddenly proclaming them married. i caught that 'sarah celentis' part. it would have been nice to see details.

poor kid, never gets a break. i love your story, and i'm really hoping to see some more romance soon. all this time, their feelings have been so messed up, and it's like sara doesn't try hard enough to look after matt as well. she just made a promise to keep him alive so hell wouldn't be unleashed, but she should sacrifce herself just for him.