Reviews for Thunder
godawful teen-angst poetry chapter 1 . 4/10/2005
This is nice, well-written. I think the last line could be a lot stronger, however. You don't need "Lo!" for starters; it's unnecessary and puts you an extra syllable over the limit (you've got a weird 9-9-9 pattern instead of 5-7-5, not sure what that is). Also, you've set a pattern of active verbs already; the passive tense in the last line sounds weak. Try rewording it so you can use something active, i.e. "passes."

If you're going to keep it in this syllabic pattern, you could change it easily to something like "The God of Wrath passes o'er the land." If you're going to try and get it into haiku format, it may be a bit harder; you're going to have to compress the whole poem.
PirateGrrl chapter 1 . 4/10/2005
Such a powerful tribute! This is beautiful. Wonderful work
Nelson Wells chapter 1 . 4/9/2005
This is not a haiku.