Hi I don't know what to think of the story mostly because the scenes haven't clicked together for me.

There is also very little character building so you can hardly empathise with the characters. They all seem rather shallow to me now.

The story is written in very simple prose and is easy to read. But there's no hook. The first chapter read easily enough and I was still eager to read on but once I reach the third chapter and there's still no development especially in the chapter Curosity, i just started to feel bored.

So I suppose you might want to either move up the plot, either by making the scenes longer or the chapters longer. It wavered too long and although Chapter 6 seems to have a hint of telling the readers what is going on, I still feel disappointed after reading through it. There is still no hook.

It's quite interesting. The chapters are very short, but sometimes, that's a good thing, because I don't have to wonder when it's going to be over.

Oh my god. So bloody cliche. If you'd take the time to look around I'm sure you'd find something better to do than this.

Well hi there! I don't know if you even remember me but i wrote well am writing a story called "The Boy Who Fell In Love With A Video Tape" and you wrote me a review a little while ago telling me that you wouldn't abandon my story and i just wanted to tell you personally that i added another chapter! Like after a year! And don't worry i dont mind if you forgot bout little old me but i still thought you had a right to know! And thank you for you review! You may not believe it but it ment alot to me!:D

x

It's Page. Still want to read your stories, but wanted to say hi first. I love your profile! It sounds JUST like a paper I wrote one time, and I mean EXACTLY! Love IT! I am pretty sure I will like the story even though I have not read it all yet. Can't wait.

Ooh, very intriguing start. The leader of this gang seems like there's definitely more to him than meets the eye... Now I'm curious as to where he's going and who is following him! Good job with this chapter.

first off . . . I like this story so far. I just wish your chapters could be longer-but I have that same problem myself. :D I will certainly be checking for updates!

secondly . . .. sorry it took me so long to respond to your review, but I've been gone. (in case you don't remember (it was a long time ago), you asked me questions about my story "I am a Pirate.")

-no, i have never read the book "Bloody Jack" but it sounds interesting . . . who's the author?

-no, I didn't model Landon after Long John Silver from Treasure Island because I've never actualy seen or read it, but I might have been unconciously influenced . . . who knows.

I liked your review . . . long comments always make me happy. :D

Since you're down on bended knee, I'll give you one. harharhar! I like the story. It's been a long time since I've read stories like this. Though I'm not quite certain with the personality of your characters but I guess that will come around as the story progresses. Good job!

Hm, now, just what's going on?

Okay, I had no other way to contact you and I wanted to reply to your reviews.

1. Thanks for the thanks on the settings and character profiles and whatnot. It's nice to hear. :)

2. True, true...I like such cliche stories, too...I believe that a lot of artists/authors out there kinda think their own stuff isn't so very good when other people are always praising their work...but w/e.

3. Actually, I think it's cute...in a warped sort of way, too. I have this thing for semi-bad, troubled boys. ::giggle:: Besides, I want a chance to get superly pissed off at a guy so I can yell at them, as insane as that sounds. O.o

4. It's not just you...again. I think I'm actually making Darien the type of guy I'd like...SOMEWHAT only.

5. LOL!

6. Is this weird, telling you that I no longer remember what part you are referring to? I haven't reread my story in so long...lemme check. Oh! Um...I dunno. For me, I was thinking it would mean relentless teasing on less-than-appropriate things that Akemi wouldn't appreciate. Jokes on the sexual side...ahem. Does that reflect my character? Hmm...

7. Bipolar...lol. I have a few suspicions that I'm bipolar myself...what's to say? I'm one weird, weird girl!

Okay, all this and I only wrote one measly line for your story. I'm terribly sorry, it's just that I kinda skimmed it and I don't see how the beginning links with the Claire and Fred and R- whatever yet. Sorry! And thanks a WHOLE TON for reviewing! I don't think I've actually had anyone review for every single chapter before.

Ah Cliffie...! I like it. I haven't had time to figure it out yet, but it's good.

I shall read more later.

Heya, this is really good! meant to review on end chapter, but oh well...You've got the whole building up of tension thing ging on really , i was reading the reviews on someone else's story (yeah, i get very bored) and i saw one of yours- so is Australia Christian? I'm from England (we're mainly Church of England [i.e. Protestant Christian]btw, not Catholic) and have no idea... Not that it really matters, its just interesting.I think the way you manoevre between long and short sentences is really good- it changes the pace well etc- impressed!

oh hello my soon to be ex friend if you continue to ignore your old friends who miss you and are mad at you for not returning our calls or our im's so first you stop talking to us then you ignore us completely then BAM! this is the only way we can contact you and have you pay attention to your soon to be gone forever friends who helped you out of the lowly dust you sunk down to into your new apparently higher status then everyone else so byebye forever!

I really like this story! I'd review the other chapters, but I'm really bad at this, and you'd just end up with a bunch of 'Wow! Good Job!'s, and I don't think you want that.

(Thanks for not giving up on my story. I swear I'll get something new up soon!)

Short chapters, huh? I guess it makes it easier to get into the story though - what happens next? And how does the Princess work into it allAlso want to find out more about this mysterious connection between the leader and the new guy... Write more!

I like yo writing-style - it's got attitude ;]