Hi!

Lime won you a review in the fight for the freebie topic at rg :)

I really like your plot so far, it’s an interesting storyline and I want to know more about Sidia’s character and background. The story is a little bit jumpy at first and I think you use ‘she’ a bit much in the second section, especially the 4th para. Varying the sentence beginnings a bit more would be good, but overall I like it :-)

this story is really awesome! it does get a bit confusing at times, but i like the characters and where you're going with the story. like maidenofthemoon, i gotta say that sidia is my favorite. she seems to be the most developed. i think it would be less confusing if you tried to develop the other sisters a little more, because as is i keep mixing them up. anyway, overall this is real good, so update as soon as you have more.

Oo, Sidia seems to be getting more violent now, doesnt she :)"And now, you are going to die," Sidia spat out.". I definitely don't think there's too much Sidia, she's my favorite character in this so I guess I'm a little biased, but I still think that it's fine for her to be the main part in this chapter. She feels like the most thought-out character, very rounded and interesting. She seems to fit in with the characters here, her sisters I mean, even though she's very different personality-wise, which makes this believeable. Does Kajiel hate her? Or does he still feel something, because he seems rather complacent staying in Sidia's capture. But their dialogue is always good. The descriptions are nice, you could even use more so we get a better feel for the space you created. The dialogue between Sidia and Kajiel was good b/c i told us more about the situation without feeling like an infodump, and some parts were pretty funny-one thing, 'breathed out sounds a little funny, maybe hissed would be better? "You're despicable," he breathed out." "you aying just a minute or two ago how I shouldn't tire myself out without effect?"-I thnk a typo on 'aying', meant to be saying?Um, I don't know how I found it, I just ran across it and the summary was interesting:). If you want to start a new one, I would, just sometimes if I do more than one story at a time, they end up sounding too similar. But if that's not a problem for you, I'd say go for it!And now, sad news-I won't be around as much, I'm going to try and review the stories I like as much as I can, but I'm having a friend take over the stories I was doing. I kind of failed my physics final, and my mom's gone insane, so she's banned my incessant internet use, writing, and playing of the Ps2 and tennis-basically everything I like until I retake the test-which is in late August. :(...but I will try to continue to review as much as possible! Keep writing, and I'll be interested in seeing a new story from you when I escape from physics prison!~maidenm

OKay, I get what the effects are now, my brain's a little slow-I think Taria as a teacher does work, but I still want some more information. Like, what makes her qualified to teach swords, why did the school hire her, etc...I like the power, I liked this bit with Shiliki, but I think it could have been elaborated on...good cliff at the end btw- I like Damien's character, but more development-what are his flaws, how does he view melora's petulance, why does he gravitate towards Akaisha right now...Derek could be a very interesting character b/c of Taria's position, but right now I don't really know anything about him. Kj. is pretty good, but seeing as he was in the dungeon we dont exactly know too much...the flashbacks are good, but I think too many might be get confusing in the long run, so you might just want to watch out for that. Nice chapter, the little part in the beginning about Melora and Akaisha was very interesting, could still use more work on distinguishing Melora, if there's anything thing else you want to know about , leave a message! ~maidenM

Well, I am glad I reviewed cause I'd be very sad if you never updated...OKay, to answer your questions-I liked this chapter, but am a little confused as how taria became the math and sword teacher-where does she work?how did she get the job?why did they hire her?is she worried about someone findign out shes only pretending to be a man, what is the punishment for that? I think there are a lot of gaps to be filled in about that, although I do think Taria is one of the stronger characters. She, Sidia, and Shilika are the best because they have the most personality. Melora, Akaisha, Elinaria and Rinowa just kind of seem to be around and swept along with the plot-but they could be really great if you just work to distinguish their individuality a little bit more. Sidia is interesting because she's torn-she's bitter, and plotting, devious, sweet and nasty at the same time in dialogue. taria seems to have the most incentive, and shilika is mysterious, and we cant tell exactly where her loyalties lie. Akaisha just seems to be there to have someone for Melora to talk to-if she isnt going to do anything significant, then get rid of her. I read somethign once along the lines of-"try to kill off all the characters, and if they refuse to die, then they earned a place on the story," or something like that. Rinowa and Melora have a firm basis, but they need filling out in traits and character. Right now I'd say 8/10 but it would be a lot higher if the little things about character were fixed-the plot line is good, and you always manage to have a lot of suspense. I dont know what you mean by effects, if you tell me in the next chapter-which you will have*hinthint*lol, Ill try to answer.- sorry for giving you this beast of a review, but hopefully it will help. update soon!-maidenM

Melora is really getting funny in these chapters-whats going on with Taria dressing up as a guy, I can see some problems for her there, and Shilika's weapon sounds very devious...write more soon!

Taria just has so much luck, doesnt she? Well, interesting...what about the pirates and Melora! Again, more character development would be nice, but I know its hard, I have trouble with that-good suspense in this story so far

Why does Sidia want Taria more...you could add more about Taria here and her conflicts, what she's going to do now and all that, but good chapter nonetheless...Sidia is a good character too, I might work more on El. since she's the one I feel the least personality from so far

Why ARE they being taken to the sea, very mysterious again, Shiliki I think is the best developed sister so far-more personality..lol, like a regular hoofprint

Hm, moving along nicely. I like this story so far-why did she smile? One thing to watch out for-make sure we can tell the sisters apart in personality, not just description.

An interesting first chapter- intriging, but not too much information, which I like-good conflicts already.

Very interesting. I liked it a lot though. Nice ending to the chapter as well.

Chapters 3-4 were great. Slightly confusing, but it was great. Keep going on this. I like it a lot.

So far very interesting story line. You should definetly continue this. I'll put a word in with some of my friends on here.

Cool...kind of confusing, but really good. Hope you continue the story.