|Reviews for The Sarian|
| vesta-star chapter 20 . 1/9/2006
i just came across this story n i hv to say it's really good!plz don't abandon it!u hv to update it soon!
| Juniper Nights chapter 2 . 10/29/2005
| goldring chapter 20 . 7/5/2005
Ooh, me likey the story! I especially like how they don't fall madly, desperately, suddenly in love, but that it's a gradual process. Beyond that, I can't think of anything to say beyond "well done"! Update (both)stories soon, please!
| Endowment's Seraph chapter 20 . 7/5/2005
i like it. it's a good story. you;re right that it needs some major editing. it seems to move a little too fast, and there soesn't seem to be enough descriptions. a lot of talking. but I still llike it a lot. if you want me to elaborate on repairs just email me. I love your stories. they're great. ~Mel
| Ember Silverly chapter 20 . 5/25/2005
Aw..a date. How sweet. Good chapter! I hope you get better soon.
| Nicholas Muse chapter 1 . 5/19/2005
the "take me to your leader" line has to go, I know you can think of something more original than that
| Ember Silverly chapter 19 . 5/18/2005
Wow was this one short. You might want to have added part of the next chapter...seems like we skipped her whole day...or maybe I'm just confused.
| Ember Silverly chapter 18 . 5/17/2005
Much better than the first set of chapter you had up. I'm finding it much easier to follow the story and to enjoy the characters. On a side note, be careful when you proofread- there are a couple of words that have some odd words in them. I guess that you try to spell a word and the computer auto-picks the wrong word for you. Its nothing major, just letting you know about it. Keep up the good work though!
| Krvinma chapter 18 . 5/17/2005
chapters are shortish, and there are some verb tense issues...but it's alright
| Nianko chapter 1 . 5/14/2005
It sounds interesting.I like the plot so far so keep it coming.
| Ember Silverly chapter 11 . 5/8/2005
Oh, a new character to add to mix. Nice work, keep going.
| Ember Silverly chapter 10 . 5/5/2005
Hm...may I make a while guess and assume that Erast is planning to attack Earth? That would be ineresting. We need to see a lot more of Keno's crew if they are vital character to the story- you shouldn't have to tell us that Arashi isn't very outgoing, we should know that already from the way he acts in general. Good chapter though, I think Azmi's going to cause some problems for someone somwhere along the line...
| Ember Silverly chapter 9 . 5/5/2005
I noticed the different paragraphs and they did help a lot. A good chapter. It'll be interesting to hear how the Sar came to be at war...I get the image the people are rather peace-loving.
| Zeraphic Triomis chapter 8 . 5/3/2005
I was going to mention about making new paragraphs whenever someone talks before, but after you said that it was just a rough draft and you were gonna fix it, I thought that you would eventually. Meep. Anyways, sweet chappie! You had me awwing in my chair. Keep eet up!
| Ember Silverly chapter 8 . 5/2/2005
Alright, I'm afraid this is going to be rather long, but I am reviewing all eight chapters at once. First off, I like the story. Its a great idea and I like where it seems to be heading but a couple of things get in the way. First off, I think that Corinne adjusted too well to being among the Sarians. She became friends with them rather quickly. Especially with Keno. Romance takes time to develop and readers like to see it develop. Friendships too. We need to see more time spent on the interactions between Corinne and the crew. Especially Keno. The chapters on the ship need to be longer and there needs to be more of them. Also, even if the roots of Earth culture are Sarian, there would be little differnces in the language, at least. Kind of like the differences between American English and English English if you know what I mean, only greater. In addition, more details! How old is Corinne, what are the Sarian's food and clothes like? What is the government on Sar like? What Keno a hero before he vanished or is this something new he needs to deal with? All of these things will flesh everything out and make it much better. And finally, there's just a couple of nit-picky formatting things: whenever someone new talks, start a new paragraph. That helps the reader to keep track of who's talking and makes it a lot easier on the eyes. Its typed, you're not going to run out of paper if the story is too large and fills up too much space. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but I really like your story! Believe me, if I wasn't interested, I wouldn't take the time to write this all out (I even took notes while reading!). Its a good story, you just need to take things a bit slower and work on the details. I have the same problem too.