|Reviews for Quid Pro Quo|
| Nightmare Of Eden chapter 14 . 5/13/2005
LMFAO this is great I love it!I was planning on writing one long "I love your story" speech at the end but the link to the uber cool poetry making site doesnt work (without the spaces) and could you email me the real one or post it somewhere? O.o thanks
I LOVE your story, much greatness! *bows* _
| malgeneratedpschology chapter 18 . 5/13/2005
elo there. don't mind if i flame you a bit? here goes..
FIRSTof all your putting a whole load of shit into your story, SECONDLY it's getting messier and messier. I think putting so many characters messes it up, the whole shit about Harley is really shit. just dispose of the character already, the drabbles are fine but personally i also think they're crap. THIRDLY, the whole abstract poem thing is shitty, it's fuckin' confusin' so you would do better just killing , lucian doesn't seem like comic relief to me, but he does play a vital role.
now for the real review...it's all in all a nice story. It's just a bit messed up,maybe you should just focus on your main characters,and the other characters as background. the thing about seeing gideon really compete, you can let us see it, not as a flashback drabble, but with someon actually watching him, e.g. nora.
| glitteredwithlove chapter 18 . 5/13/2005
i love your story, but it wouldnt be the same if you took out a character. if you did, then it would change the story entirly, all the people in noras life right now, make nora nora. if their wasnt a gideon, there wouldnt be a story! no lucien, nothing for nora to start out with, she would a very different thought process. best friends affect you alot iv found, so nora would be different without liz. pus, you NEED all these characters in my opinion. if you didnt have one of them, you would have to replace her/him. which would get you nowhere. so, i think if you started from right after the nora and lucien part, i think youd do just fine. having the dad have an illness is a good idea. you could add in another character, but in a different way. gideons friend, but she could meet him in another way. he could cause a problem for gideon if the friend started to like nora too... if you like that idea... i dont know. i guess it could work. i have a very dramitic/ opera show type of life, so you could tell me any situation, and iv had a friend who has done it, and dragged me into it, or its been my problem. (not the most pleasing thing in the world.. but i try to live.)i could give you some ideas, if you want them. you would have to e-mail me and ask tho.
| thecatsmeow chapter 18 . 5/13/2005
Your story was great, but now all you seem to do is add author's notes and lists and poems and stuff. Instead of breaking the flow of the story, just add all that stuff at the end of a chapter.
It's misleading when it seems that you are updating with a brand new chapter, when instead it's just a list of AP books someone has requested (which is ok, but all 290 people that are reviewing your story may not want to read). You are obviously talented at writing... and if it makes you feel better as a writer to take out a chapter then thats great. You are very right about your character dynamics, and I love them! But, I want to read the story, not 4 chapters of author's notes and ramblings! Write what you believe in, not necessarily what one person may ask you to.
| jennycraig10 chapter 18 . 5/13/2005
First, I will stick with this story through thick and thin and read this story till the end, because frankly your story is that great!
Second, go with whatever you think is right. You want to go back and change the whole Harley thing then go ahead. If you want we can look at the pros and cons of Harley. Pro: Gives another element to the story and another character that could turn out interesting. Perhaps he could even be a little obstacle between Nora and Gideon. Con: It can get complicated and would be hard to fix quickly and also there are some readers who are impatient for the love story (sometimes I'm like that.) But the fact that you already printed out your story, did all your little notes, etc. I pretty much think you should go ahead and ix the story so that way the story can go the way you really want it to go. Do whatever makes the story run smoothly, but also what gives justice to the wonderful characters you created. Also, do justice to your writing and yourself and just write!
Hope I'm helping. If not, then well be happy that it is a long review!
| Emma chapter 18 . 5/13/2005
definetly will staying around to see what happens. yea the harly thing got seriously confusing, like why would he poison her dad? 86 that dude and see what happens..more gideon/nora stuff and maybe touch more on how their moms were best freinds...otherwise i really like the story and can somewhat identify with the character of nora.. great job!
| Starsignleo chapter 16 . 5/13/2005
oh my god. how sad! how, horrible!. I don't think I could talk to anyone after that. wow. well I'll read the rest later. later!Mel
| twistedFAerieTALes chapter 16 . 5/13/2005
ooh, we similar pennames! anyway great story, but you have to stop with putting up author's notes up as chapters...and i've read Catcher in the Rye. i'm not a big fan, but there are a lot of other people who love it. Bye!
| Say-What chapter 18 . 5/13/2005
I really approve of this desicion. I jsut really don't like Harley. Seems like an interesting character, but I don't think he really ties in. I like the diabetic idea, and I also like the flashback scene.
| DuchessYappingDog chapter 18 . 5/13/2005
Harley is kind of weird. He seems like an overprotective, psycho cousin who... if I didn't know any better, is in love with Gideon. Hahahahaha. Maybe that's just me, but he acts like a jealous girl who Gideon used to flirt with... and doesn't anymore.
| FrozenWaterFaerie chapter 18 . 5/13/2005
instead of all that, you can just sort of procede from here. say that the doctors found out nora's father is a diabetic, type 2 cause that comes in adult years. then nora will be more worried and stuff. you can say that harley had done something else and he keeps coming back and doing stuff but from the side
| Finding Tobias chapter 18 . 5/13/2005
Okay, cheer up. It is a good story and you can't and shouldn't be swayed. You live you learn. I don't think you should keep the plot line it's good. I admit, when Harley was introduced I was a bit confused. You don't have to delete him entirely... In fact don't... For exmaple: He could be Gidieon's current ex-girlfriend's brother, who has a vendetta against Nora for some unbeknowist reason... Perhaps he was the best friend of Seth... Nora's dad fired him and he's out to get revenge..I don't know, we'll think of something.
Alright the characters, they're fine. For a first long- fic they're actually pretty good. My only complant is, if you are going to use Harley... introduce him earlier in the story. For example in the bookstore, the prescott home, school etc. Let us as readers see him as a demon.
um... lessee... Ah yes editing... Grammer sucks, i hate it...Don't not use editing only to correct grammerical mistakes and tense stuff.. Keep an open mind and use it to go back and add stuff that you didn't think of or about before. I bet you anything that you'll find some. For exmaple, my story that i've been writing, i've revised it i think at least 4 times and it's still not done. If you are not happy with it, then give it a facelift... but do not let the mob sway your view of the story.. After all you wrote it... Ahem.. sorry to sound all Zen-like, the allergy medicine is kicking in.
Anywho, that's my review... I hope this offered some positive feed back and advice... Oh and you said something about all the bad reviews. There were a couple, but out of the 300 some 97 percent of them were good. so i wouldn't worry about it.
Wow, think this is the longest review i think i have written so far. wohoo go me! Again, i hope you find this helpful and not offensive. It's not meant to be. If you have any questions, my email's in my bio page so is my SN.
| FrozenWaterFaerie chapter 17 . 5/13/2005
i'm younger than u but white fang was one of the books we had to do for school. it's ok, lots of feeling so might be easy to write about. also, the color purple is a movie 2. my mom watched it. my younger sister read the call of the wild.
| Liathe chapter 18 . 5/13/2005
This is the first time I've reviewed this story ... but I only started reading it today so I guess it doesn't matter. Anyway, here's my two cents.
I *really* like the main characters in this story - they seem very well fleshed-out - and I think that earlier on you did a great job of the plot. Now that I've read your author's note, I just wanted to say that while I didn't feel strongly about any of the later scenes (e.g. that they were bad or unnecessary), I think the decisions you've made, and the changes you're about to make, will probably make for a tighter plotline overall and a more balanced story between plot and character.
I loved your explanations of how your characters work together, and I think it's great that you're so committed to telling your story and making it the best that it can be. With regard to whether you make the changes you've suggested, I would say: go for it. I will still come back for more whatever you decide, but the changes you've said you'll make sound very reasonable ... and good. The fact that you're willing to listen to your readers, and at the same time defend decisions you've made which you want to stick by, makes you a breath of fresh air on FictionPress! Anyway, before I ramble on endlessly ...
Good luck, and keep writing. Not that I need to say that; it's obvious you will anyway. ;)
~ Liathe x
| Kira chapter 18 . 5/13/2005
I didn't really understand the Harley part...I thought it was kinda confusing...I still love your story though!