|Reviews for Quid Pro Quo|
| Rose chapter 18 . 5/13/2005
PLEASE do not stop this story! This is one of my top favorite storys! I think Harley is pretty cool, but if you feel the need to facelift go ahead. But no matter what you do, I still love this story!
| Mrs. MJackson chapter 18 . 5/13/2005
good choice, even though i did like it like this, but i don't see anything wrong with change. can't wait to see where this story will go from chapter nine now, update as soon as possible!
| roxy-babe912 chapter 18 . 5/13/2005
GR lol I THOUGHT YOU H AD ACTUALLY UPDATED! I WAS SO EXCITED.
I think you owe us TWO FAST UPDATES!-looks hopeful- XDXD
It's an amazing story.
| AngelaSolis chapter 18 . 5/13/2005
Operor non redono iam. Whatever! Don't be swayed too much by all the reviews ... they are only as good as the reviewer, right? 'To thine own self be true' Laertes, Hamlet etc. As far as I'm concerned, it was all going fine until the unexplained-ness of Harley somehow managing to administer 10 x Percocet, which was a bit hard to stomach because there was no rational explanation for that really. (That we knew of). Nora's dad falling down in a diabetic coma would be perfectly believable ... it happens. What was not so believable was that she would let Meredith go to the hospital rather than her. But Meredith could drive and she can't so maybe they should have all gone together. Dunno! I liked the Seth chapter as that could explain future happenings regarding Nora's psyche. That would be quite a difficult thing to have to live with and something that's buried deep within her. Which will affect what happens in the future. I really don't think it needs as much red pen as you seem to imply. So, don't get disheartened yet. Write a LONG story for a change and develop it all fully. *mwah*
| The Bostonian chapter 18 . 5/13/2005
Certissime, I will stick with this story. I completely agree that up until Harley entered, it was good. The bedtime scene was good too, and I like the obstacle of her father being in the hospital. But. Harley just wasn't plausible. There could ba another, more sinister explination for her father's illness (or injury, you could have him bashed over the head instead of poisoned): housebreakers, bookies, religiouse fanatics, even wierdo stalker (say, obsessed with Nora's mother's poetry?). It was a good kick, but... you kind of let it fizzle into nothing. And really, if Nora had seen a little boy run over by a truck as a child, she'd have had so much therapy... anyway, another thing: Gideon may be Nora's foil, but he cannot, cannot, cannot be perfect. He's human (I think) and you have to let him have faults. And give Nora some self esteem. Another thing (I feel like I'm being really mean; just remember I love the story!) Randy: his dribble thingy, you can't bring that up and not explain it! I feel like he should get some more screen time, both he and Liz. And for goodness sake, explain Meredith. Give her a job, or a charity committee, or ome kind of defined activity to explain why she needs a babysitter. She could even go to a romance novel convention or club or whatever, just a defined activity. This story is really good and I like it a lot. The characters are great and I think it does have staying power, but you just have to fill in some holes and give it a solid base to build on.
| Gingerly chapter 18 . 5/13/2005
I luv this story. Wow i'm taking AP English next year. I hope it isn't that hard.
| The Bostonian chapter 17 . 5/13/2005
Don't know if you've decided yet, but I reccomend White Fang and The Call of the Wild. They're both pretty easy, I read them in middle school. Depending on the kind of response you have to do, they seem like the easiest on the list to me.
| Useless Art chapter 18 . 5/13/2005
Alright, here's my bit of criticism. First of all, you don't need to rework the entirety of the story. You just need to reimage it a little. Get rid of Harley's call and his poisoning the father unless you're willing to make him what that action would imply- a psychopath with sociopathic tendencies. In that case, you're going to need a lot of research and this story will take a very dark turn. Or, you could just get rid of what he did. But DO NOT make her father a diabetic. All you've done there is to replace one piece of strange drama with another, more normal piece of drama. Either way, it's still drama. Make it a serious food allergy or something. I know a lot of people who have allergic reactions like that to certain foods.
As for Nora forgiving Gideon, I've thought about it and it might make sense after all- moreso with Harley gone. After all, she might have been so far gone that all she really needed was an excuse to forgive him. Infatuation can work that way.
Take a bit of the drama out of Nora's life. Yes, you want this to be interesting, but it needs to be believeable as well. Not many teenagers have that many outlandish tragedies encircling their lives. With the rest of the angst shadowing the other characters, too much angst with Nora is suffocating. Tone her down, or tone the rest of them down. You don't need to prune much, just try not to go crazy with the angst. We all want to project our feelings on to the page, but it's a habit we must try to break when it overpowers our talent- and you have a lot of talent.
If you want depth, don't go and add more angst. Too much angst can make a story shallow, not deep. Add more realistic forms of conflict. By making this story like a snippet of life, you can truly achieve depth. Angst happens, but not is never quite so clumped unless you're talking about some widespread tragedy.
Well, that's all I can really say except for this: Don't give up on this story. You started out with a bang and only fizzled out recently. You still have plenty of ability and opportunity to fix the plot before it spirals into a neverending plothole. I believe that, with a little effort, you could really make this story a resounding success. Just hang in there!
Caitlin, fellow Latin obsessor
| Maroon chapter 18 . 5/13/2005
lol girl just get on an write the bloody story!
I hope that my comments weren't to harsh and that you didn't think that I was one of the reviewers telling you to stop writing with a smile. No, no I want you to keep writing you daft sod!
Anyway I think your decisions are good specially with the whole harley thing. Also you think to much, just get down and start typing/writing and let it flow like it previously has done. There doesn't always have to be an amazing plot with high drama and twists and turns because as long as it is written well it doesnt matter.
A fine example of this are a couple of Endless Darks fictions. Which you could so very easily rival!
Anyway put away your red pen, delete all these random authors notes and interuptions and post up the next chapter which im sure will be amazing!
Again you are very talented! Just go with the flow ( see what i did there!).If i didnt like this fiction i would not have bothered! If you need any help ( someone to give a first opinion before you post or something or even someone to do whatever...well I'll be happy too, not that I'm anything amazing pretty average.)
ANYWAY keep it going and I excitedly wait more!
| Madcow13 chapter 18 . 5/13/2005
I think rewriting and not including Harley would be a good idea as it became a bit extreme when he entered. A jealous cousin is one thing but I doubt he would be so openly jealous... Well, I don't know. It just seems a little odd. I'm sorry about your teacher and it is perfectly understandable to be a little different with the story. Even if your new teacher is terrible (which I'm sure they won't be) then just remember that I'm sure Mrs Ingram would have wanted you to continue with Latin. If you like the language don't let anything hold you back. Don't let criticism hold you back either, because hopefully you are getting constructive criticism which is just everyone trying to help you out. If it isn't constructive then it is best to ignore it. Anyway... I'm sure whatever you decide to do will be good as long as you work at it and do your best.
| XXX chapter 18 . 5/13/2005
I agree, the thing with harley was silly. If you're cutting that part out, I'll like the story a whole lot better. That part was making the story too dramafilled and that just doesn't work. I like your new idea about cutting out chapter 9 and up but leaving in the scene with Lucian. That's where the story started to go wrong and you're nipping the problems in the bud.
| AngelaSolis chapter 17 . 5/13/2005
Quote of the day! "CrapXXor! We got PWND! some kind soul translated the trailer for Star Wars into 133t. Hilarious. Enjoy! video/2005_apr/apr09_star_ .
"DE GUSTIBUS NON ES DISDPUTANDEM" Riight! I don't get why some reviewers are 'getting confused' by the introduction of Harley. (And things in general!) A published novel is about 90 thousand words usually, and this is only 21 thousand so far. So ... IMO it's perfectly acceptable to introduce new characters out of the blue, and add some fluff here and there, and some background stuff etc. I mean that's what keeps it interesting. If everything was made clear too soon, why would we want to read on ... ? Things have to be dropped in slowly to build up the bigger picture. And it seems to me, that is what is happening. So carry on! It's good! I still love it (and you! always ;)). I want another Ella chapter soon please! Oh and regarding the AP books ... that's a helluva list. You read 'White Fang' and 'Call of the Wild' when you were 11 I expect, so don't read them! Of that list I have hardly read that many strangely ... but I guess my two choices would be 'The Fountainhead' ... because it's a great book, and 'Tender is the Night' ... because I have a soft spot for F. Scott Fitzgerald. Lol ... choose ones that aren't too taxing, make it easy on yourself! *hugs*
| spikedmango chapter 18 . 5/13/2005
I approve, if you let me adopt Harley.
| Crime chapter 17 . 5/13/2005
Cute story so far :)
So you're going into AP Lang and Comp next year? It sucks. However, you do learn how to write in that class, although that's variable by teacher. You learn rhetoric in that class, which I think is absolutely vital to a good story. Scratch that. It is.
I've read some of these books, and they're all quite lovely. I'm surprised there aren't books by Virginia Woolf on the list... she's a popular author, especially good with stream-of-consciousness, although I loathe her. One book I absolutely recommend from the list is The Turn of the Screw by Henry James. Although just a novella (less than 100 pages, the edition I read), it has SO MUCH hidden detail that it will overwhelm you. Any kid can read it and be "Wow, cool ghost story," but once you start to analyze it, it suddenly doesn't sound so little kid anymore...
Good luck :)
| spikedmango chapter 16 . 5/13/2005
(Note: This review is written in real time, as I read)
Seth is mine! *hiss* First reaction, sorry, couldn't hold it in, haha. Oh wow my dad makes potato chip sandwhiches... anyway.
Ah God spin the bottle? He's nine years old! And he's a player! *faint*
...*sobs* You killed Seth! You can't kill anyone named Seth!
Darn you and your power of killing fictional characters! *sniff*