Reviews for Seeing Double: Rough Draft |
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Water Block chapter 17 . 10/19/2006 Loved this! Eden is being a big jackass baby; I completly agree with Eric in that it isn't fair to punish Devan just becuase she only wants to be friends. Great chapter! |
Water Block chapter 16 . 10/19/2006 "“Could we… just be friends for now? Act like we used to, you know, until I figure things out?”"-Dangerous wording, that "Until I figure things out" makes it sound like she'll be his girl friend again, but she has to do some thinking first. LIke when she said "Take it slow" it wasn't very pacific enough-well, it was, but she didn't reiterate and make Eden listen to what she wanted, too. I loved how she sort of made up with Eden, though, and how she worded it. Great chapter. BED TIME NOW! I have class at 10am, and it's already 3:24 am. |
Water Block chapter 15 . 10/19/2006 "I-it’s okay… I just…” she stuttered. Devan swallowed and regained her composure before saying, “I’m fine… let’s just… uhm… sit and talk?” “No,” he answered. “We should be heading back.”"-Okay, I think Eden is being a real jack ass. Sure, he's trying to be "Sweet and romantic" but He's going way over the top, like he's trying to buy her love. Also, she said she wanted to take it SLOW. THey've been going out for what? A week? He's already taking her on picnics to make-out points. And-it's ok to stay out late and make out, but if you just want to talk, it's just too late? - "She gulped, knowing that it wasn’t right to be with Eden and at the same time think of someone else. She’d dove headfirst into a relationship she wasn’t read for. “Eden,” Devan began, hating that she was about to use such clichéd words. “I think… we need to talk…”"-Sad, but I think this is for the best. I was going to go to bed, but I HAVE to read what happens next. |
Water Block chapter 14 . 10/19/2006 Loved this. I agree with Eric's logic in the whole three way unfairness of thought faithless-ness. Also, loved how she smushed Eden and Eric together into Erdenic. Great chapter! |
Water Block chapter 13 . 10/19/2006 It doesn't matter if the "entire concept of this story is cliche" as you said; you make individual characters, put life into them, have wonderful grammer, and make this story your own. There are only so many ideas in the world. I can't remember where I heard this, but Cliche isn't bad. If it was bad, it wouldn't be done so many times. Okay. I really like Eden, but I don't think he's the right guy for Devan. He's way too possessive, he drinks (I know you covered this problem. But, my concern is that since he already has a great inclination to drink alcohol, when he's legally of age-he'll be more likely to drink. It seems pretty obvious that he's a violent drunk-or one with violent tendancies. And I like reading about light jealousy and what not in stories, but Eden's character is more, violent/scary, possesive-stalkery type of character, rather then the lightly jealous/possesive that doesn't really lead to big badness.) Basically. I love Devon, Eric and Eden, but Eden has too many quirks that phase together that could be very bad for poor Devan. I'm not sure where I was going with this. I'm glad Eric isn't getting back together with Denise, and I really loved how he screamed into his pillow like that. Poor Eric. And-I think Devan is already feeling like she does love Eden, but in brotherly/best friend way, and not in a boyfriend kind of way. Great chapter! |
Water Block chapter 12 . 10/19/2006 Oh god! That was awful. I think what she was really saying when she said "I can't do this...not now...I don't think ever..." wasn't necessarily just aimed at him. She's too skitish of any real intimate contact, and she doubts' she'll ever be able to be physically close to anyone, ever. Great chapter. |
Water Block chapter 11 . 10/19/2006 OOh. It came out, but really wrong, and mixed in with a time when he was at his worst. POor Devan-poor Eden. Great chapter. (There was that MINE! Thing again, though. I Knew he was being all possessive before, and I think this justifies my earlier theory a bit better.) |
Water Block chapter 10 . 10/18/2006 I liked this chapter-especially how Devan was dealing with the therapist. I have a very low opinion/tolerance for the breed. Wonder what's going to happen at the party. |
Water Block chapter 9 . 10/18/2006 I think it was Eric who was holding her hand/kissed her forehead. His voice was too deep to be Eden's. Also-Eden would have been the one out preparing the soup, not Eric. Great chapter. More is revealed. I LOVED how Nicole told Eric to take care of Devan. Loved how he saved her, too. Poor Eric, always getting slapped. |
Water Block chapter 8 . 10/18/2006 "“Really? Why?” she asked. He shrugged. “He did it for you, Devan,” Jenna answered for him with a wink and a mischievous smile.. Devan paused and blinked. “For me?” she echoed, bewildered"-Okay. This whole conversation, coupled with the fact that Eric knows Eden to be the jealous/possessive type, the time he got all defensive and violent to the guy at the play, and that he has the crush. Oh, and that weird memory that Eric has, I suspect that Eric and Devon were friends first, Eden came along and got jealous/possessive, turned Devon into his friend, and now is jealous that his brother and her have restarted this friendship that was so shortlived. I know, it's outlandish/unlikely, but this is the theory my mind came up with that would make it reasonable that Devon and Eric do get together (I have the feeling that that's the relationship you're pushing). Oh my. Who is this new girl? Is she an evil relative (I'm guessing evil as 1) bad relations with the bio family and 2) of how she just stopped and stared) Great chapter. Eden is acting weird. I love it when Eric blushes. |
Water Block chapter 7 . 10/18/2006 This was wonderful! I like how Devon is just clueless (or almost completly clueless) to the mounting tenstion Eden has about how close/the relationship is changing between her and his brother. POor Devon! I'm guessing it's the snow and what Eric did that's causing this jumpiness, and strong reminder of her past. Great chapter |
Water Block chapter 6 . 10/18/2006 Ah. Poor Eden. He senses a shift in feelings. I hope he doesn't get hurt! |
Water Block chapter 5 . 10/18/2006 Yay! I love how you elaborated on that memory in the last paragraph of the chapter a bit. Will you elaborate even more as time goes on? Loved this chapter. (Also-I like that Eric is the only one who seems to remember how they all met; well, Devon knows the mean things he said, but not the nice things-apparantly) Great chapter! |
Water Block chapter 4 . 10/18/2006 "He was sure that if Eden had wanted to get closer, Devan would have little to no qualm at all."-I sense some jealousy. I understand the horrors of a crappy cooking group-I'm sorry; also, hope they failed and you didn't! Great chapter. Poor Devan-bad memories! And poor Eric-getting the brunt of the memory re-livingness. (I bet Devan was afraid that it was her biological father at the door, and that's why she was so thankful/relieved that it was Nick) |
Water Block chapter 3 . 10/18/2006 Poor Devan! Eric probably did the worst possible thing he could've done when he played around with her like that. Also-I bet Eric overheard the phone conversation. Why doesn't she just go and sleep in her adoptive parents' bed? Great chapter! |