|Reviews for In the Darkness|
| sunflowersing chapter 1 . 3/3/2007
I like it. It could use some editing however. I think it would be good to maybe describe the dead bodies. You could say something like:
The dead bodies of her family littered the ground. Blood was seeping through the two puncture wounds in the neck, where Everest had bitten them, and fed. A girl sat crying over her family, that was now dead, fallen victim to vampires.
And/or, you could breifly describe the fight, or 'show' Everest leaning over and draining one of her family memebers.
Good work. Keep it up! :-D
| Knightmare Elite chapter 1 . 4/30/2005
Ok so I read your story and I have to say your take on vampires is VERY different from mine. I try to stay away from the generic vampire traits because I don't like how they're portrayed as savages many times.
It's cool you're doing your own thing. The story's not bad I guess. So um thanks for showing me how it should be done. I'll definately take that into consideration for later.