A good introduction, I liked it. But please stop with the unnecessary ellipses!

It's great John, enjoyed it! Yes, finally got down to reading the whole story.. and i was disappointed when it stopped where it did. What happens next! Don't leave me hanging! By the way, I like the girl, she has attitude :D

Great story! I love the expressive language you use! Its getting better! the 3rd chapter really sucks you in! Keep up the good work!

heyy! sorrie just now! i was doing some project. din see your msn. aniwayy, i met your dad. hes really nice! ((: do u miss him? haha its like i traded my sis for ur dad. aniway haha .. who is the gal? yups.. suspense ish good. perhaps can have more conversation or action to draw reader into story. yups. good english as usual. great expression. haha x)

Wow! I like this story; you've got me very intriqued. I must say that this is really good, especially for an eighteen year old. Keep writing, man, you've got talent.

hey! you have a really good command of english.. ur usage of language is strong and it makes the story good to read. however each chapter should be longer? and the paragraphing should be done properly so it is easier to read. yups. well done on the story. cant wait to read more.. tell me wen u update!