|Reviews for Daughter of the Machine|
| Chagan chapter 37 . 1/3/2006
JUst finished it. It's good and all. Only problems Ihad were that it really does go too fast- peoples'emotions seem to fluctuate so fast its almost unrealistic, and you really dont allow any sort of mood to build. Dialog coulda used some work ("NO"), and finally, you need to do some editing- lots of spelling and bold/italics , the plot was good, and I like howi t ended with the perfectly manufactured society being the one that failed. Good stuff.
| Chagan chapter 32 . 12/24/2005
Quick note: Jokes about 'being in a book' and the like really tend to kill suspension of disbelief.
| Chagan chapter 5 . 12/24/2005
So far it works well, 'cept for two things that bug me in this chapter. First and foremost... I know he's not supposed to be emotional, but Scope's attitude right after his son's death is just silly. Its not even cold and withdrawn, he's acting like nothing happened at other one is more a matter of taste- the evolution discussion. Goes too much into the HEinlein thing I was complaining about earlier.
| Haku chapter 37 . 12/13/2005
Alright! Go Marlene! Way to go on blowing up Marduch, too.
| Kreen chapter 37 . 12/13/2005
Some errors, but sweet story, man.
| Arkash chapter 37 . 12/13/2005
The site had just wiped out my review, darn.
OK, I'm glad she uploaded. You scared me there for a few seconds.
I like the Mythological allusions, the name of her craft and the whole plot.
Very good story. Marlene is still my favorite. I hope you'll do another story with her. *_* Thanks for sharing this with us.
| Arkash chapter 36 . 12/13/2005
Good shooting in the air.
What a horrid place the Polis had become under Marduch.
Good description of the warped lab.
Good riddance, Beppo.
I hope you didn't kill Marelene, cause I'd sic my nanobots on you.
| Edcrab chapter 37 . 12/13/2005
Wow, so it's all over... feels a little abrupt, almost, but that's probably because I hadn't been keeping up with your updates.
I get a feeling of perfect closure though- although I'm satisfied with this story's end you could easily return to tie up loose ends and check up on the progress of the Regency et al.
Marduch's fall was suitably dramatic and Marlene's ending (while a mite predictable) was thoroughly reassuring as she's such a solid character!
As ever, I like how the Machine seems to mix cold logic with distinctly human characteristics: how he dealt with the Polis, for example, might have been seen as cold and dismissive but considering its state it was the only real option. The villians certainly got fittingly violent ends...
Feel free to send an email my way when you come up with something else- I look forward to reading your future projects, especially if they involve the return of the Machine and his daughter! Kudos to you!
| Arkash chapter 35 . 12/11/2005
Great chapter, great plans.
Is the Machine going to sacrifice himself in the coming battle?
I like the Mythological and religious allusions.
Good job, as always. *_*
| Arkash chapter 34 . 12/10/2005
Quick thinking there, going into the creek.
Scared me there for a second with that nano vial.
That was a surprise, Harron popping up again.
| Arkash chapter 33 . 12/4/2005
I love this chapter-Marlene is great.
"She [apparent] had a decent vew..." did you mean apparently?
"There about organized side had about a dozen soldiers,..." this sentence needs to be fixed.
And, in the first part of the Marlene - Machine dialogue you use bold letters for both of them and you change it further down.
Jessica better dies. Don't wait too long with the updates. *_*
| Cam S chapter 10 . 12/3/2005
You have a fairly compelling story, but the characters seem like mere vehicles to carry the plot forward, instead of individuals. If you could possibly "show" a character's personality through their actions more than simply coming out and stating it, that would probably be better. For example, you come out and tell about the character of Jessica. I think that if you didn't, and left certain aspects for the reader to determine, that might be a little better.
Also, I've noticed that your average chapter length is rather short...while this isn't a terrible problem (it makes it easier for me to get through quickly), if you ever want this to be published in any form, it'd be a good idea to do these as "subchapters", similar to the format Frank Herbert used for Dune.
While these might seem like large problems, I do like the story, and I would enjoy learning more about the society, I'd enjoy doing so through a character's actions and perspectives; What you have here reads something like a parable.
I'm going to read the rest later; Hope my review helped.
| Edcrab chapter 32 . 11/28/2005
Wow, this really does get better- finally read all the way up to "Reunion" (since I have some time on my hands now ;) ).
Character development continues to enthrall me and the introduction of Marduch (and his relationship to the others) was a brilliant move. I love how we're getting to see another angle of your universe with the quite unexpected role-reversal- seeing how the Machine copes with being ousted from power...
Marlene is a fine character to me, and I personally didn't think she was too much like her father. Logically you'd expect her to be remarkably similar- and she's a little less restrained than her cybernetic patriarch!
And as for the sudden "epic" developments in the latest chapters- makes me realise just what could've been going on outside of the Polis and Planet Earth- Brilliant!
| Arkash chapter 32 . 11/27/2005
So Spoke had been uploaded into a new body?
I like the weapon name Tesla.
Well, now that she's prepared, let's have Marlene kick some asses out there. *_*
| Edcrab chapter 3 . 11/16/2005
Good grief- it's criminal that I ignored this for so long!
This caught my attention after the author's UC:ML review, and I must admit my interest was caught: and although I've barely read the first six chapters, I'm already hooked!
Jave: this is, quite simply, fantastic. Unless the quality takes a nosedive later in the novel (although I doubt that: I really must read further ahead), I get the feeling that the Polis is so well realised that you can physically picture humanity's future there. I am, as you obviously guessed, a huge fan of AI's in fiction, and I must say the Machine gels as both a concept and a character: to say nothing of the actual book's premise!
And to touch on "the" point that people are obviously going to stumble across if they read both our works: all I can say is great minds think alike! Honestly, I haven't been ratching in your bins or anything... ;)