|Reviews for Coming Up Quickly|
| MACKER da PACKER chapter 1 . 9/23/2005
yo my man! i read this na... nakapost pa sa friendster ko... naka paste pa sa project ko! you rock! my mama bear is da best!ULALA IS STILL HOT!SAGAD!
| Currents chapter 3 . 6/11/2005
here be teh promised review. XD I like how the story's going and how you started things off so that sooner or later there'll be a flashback chapter. And you're really great with narrating, 'cause you use a lot of words to make sure the reader knows what you know. Sometimes, though, the grammar tilts or the sentence becomes too flowery. Don't overpower it na lang, I guess. :)
(Swerte mo ah. This is the first review I've written in like, years. XD)
| les petits bateaux chapter 3 . 6/5/2005
A great introduction, not to shabby and it's very deep but there were some errors grading for me, I simply loved it.:)
| ClareJ chapter 1 . 6/3/2005
I like your fic and please dont be disappointed or angry or whatever when i correct your fic.. haha.. i have this habit of looking for the smallest mistakes. So far this is what i have noticed in your fic.
seem to forget to put commas, periods etc.:))
you said,"wasting the hours of stupid questions...".. isn't it supposed to be wasting the hours WITh stupid .
.. I'm not sure but i think saying "I'm bound to you" is better than "I'm binded to you".
4.I noticed that in some paragraphs, some sentences have little relation with the sentence that preceded it. ..- keep it up. You're really a good writer.
| Cashews chapter 4 . 6/3/2005
Freaky and haunting. Very nice job!XD
By the way, try using the right and same tenses throughout your story (I think it's called shifting tenses). For example: "Maybe she was a nurse, he can’t think straight, his vision started to blur." I think it's supposed to be "couldn't" instead of "can't". It sounds better that way, ne? Then again I'm not an English teacher but I think it's supposed to be that way. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm right! But if I'm the first, wouldn't that be an embarrassing moment? XD
But those are just minor corrections, you can fix 'em in no time flat!XD Continue writing even better and LONGER chapters 'kay? I'll be waitind for
| Spinx chapter 1 . 6/3/2005
Dark...deep...sad...sensible... very nice though, keep it up...can't say anything further...except for the fact that you're really good.
| starzdream chapter 3 . 6/1/2005
col.. i need a friend too :p
| battousai24 chapter 2 . 5/31/2005
Good start. I like it. It's not usually my type of story, but this is interesting. I might just keep on reading. I love the intro, the previous chapter. It was great.
| battousai24 chapter 1 . 5/31/2005
Great story, although there are still some typos and some grammatical errors. I think you should check on them, but despite that, it's great. This is a very interesting piece... definitely a good read.
| Cashews chapter 2 . 5/31/2005
That was great! Seriously. Sure, I may not be the person to go to for the best constructive critism this side of the literary world but hey, to me, that was one heck of a story. I wasn't kidding when I said it was great, it is. Trust me on that okay? XD
You did a wonderful job in writing the second chapter. Like I told you, it seemed like it was pulled out straight from a novel made by a famous writer. The second chapter was something new for me. It's a completely different writing style to what I'm familiar with. That's a compliment by the way. XD
Can't really find anything that needs to be improved in other than the plot is still kinda hazy. But you can work that out! You of all people should
Another nice thing about this is Ben and Maurice's conversations. Yeah, I felt them. Haha, it felt real to me. You know, like spying on your neighbors or something like that. XP It's as if like you really knew them! And to think you're a teenager with her life ahead of her and nowhere near her prime. XD
Oh yeah, before I forget, you liar! You told me it sucked on ice! That's the last time I trust your word when it comes to your work! Wait, I never did believe you for a second on that. XP
Well, hope you feel proud of yourself coz you should. Other people would kill just to be able to write as good as you. Consider yourself lucky to have talent and have a friend who can whack you in the head when you think
Hope this isn't too long for ya. XP
Write more and soon alright? I'll be waiting! XD
| starzdream chapter 2 . 5/29/2005
hi XD i signed up just to review you :p your story's okay. just don't understand the plot yet. XD
| Johin chapter 1 . 5/19/2005
Ah first of: (prepare yourself XD)Try to sound not too melodramatic. I know it's your forte but sometimes it gets carried away :)
The words you choose, try for them not to sound like each other or repeat each other too much since it's not a poem. Remember it is NOT a poem. (Love your poems by the way :D)
I think there would have been a better way to execute this prologue(?) Maybe if it was shorter or the introspection flitted in between something really happening to the story. The idea in a prologue is you're giving some sort of teaser or premise. With this prologue it's like your giving away the whole package in a sampler. Get the idea? This already has the keypoints on how to psychoanalyze the main character, which, will make how the person react quite predictable in most cases.
It's okay for a stand alone actually. Minus the repetetiveness (sp?) of it. Oh and there were some contradictory statements. Try avoiding it in an introspection, it could work in dialogue .
Though I did say cut back on the melodrama, I still like the fact that I can feel the character. If you get what I'm saying. :D It's great.
I like this line a lot : It’s not a question of sanity, neither is it a question of perfect submission to your deadly web. hehehe
On a last note, I don't really get, what's about to happen in the story, I don't know if that's a good thing or bad thing, but keep it up!