Reviews for Pha'dora: Green Eye, Blind Eye
Ericng chapter 1 . 7/18/2016
I read this story up to the point where Nichara ran away through the tunnel and boarded a Mummer ship. I found the story riveting and satisfying. I like the way Nichara was portrayed. So was so real and so human. Especially in the way she may think and say one thing and later to the opposite. She is at once brave and defiant, as well as frightened and lonely. For eg. she may hate a man, love the same man, and hate him again later. Such is her paradox and her mystery. Keep up the good writing.

The author is transparent in showing that she has received many helpful comments, and following such comments, she has edited and improved on her writing. Obviously, her first part of her story was such a product and it shows the wonderful work that this process can produce.

The story continues with Nichara on the mummers ship. This is where my interest fell away and the story seems to meander. I do not know whether the author is giving us background to the mummers, or the specific boy mummer on the ship, or the sea creatures so as a build up to some great adventure later on. But with this sudden drop in pace, my attention starts to waver. Perhaps the author may find a way to keep the tension and fear factor alive, even though Nichara has found time to relax on the ship. For eg. there may be short scenes of how the King and prince are reacting or vowing to catch her back in the main land? or scenes of enemies already plotting her demise in advance at the destination that the ship was heading to. I hope the author will edit the chapters on Nichara fleeing on the ship and let me know so I can come back to read the new version.
Disney Is Hardcore chapter 42 . 5/7/2012
I've been going along with this story for a while, but there's been something off and I've just figured out what it is. I have no clue what any of the characters are feeling, at all. Even the main character, I still don't know why she crippled her sister or said she loved or didn't love her. and emotions at all just seem like they are informed emotions- for example, it is implied and stated that she loved the king for a time, but I never saw anything to back this up. All I know she felt towards her mother was mild distaste, I think she likes the bard but I'm not sure... it just seems like a narrative with nothing to connect the reader to it. also, I don't understand the plot or where it's going at all, it seems completely random. a final thing is that I am finding it very hard to keep up with all the names. there are 3 mummers whose name begin with S, and every time I see one of them, I have to stop and figure out who they are. my advice would be to either use less names (for example, you didn't have to name the healer and her apprentice, she seems to have had a fairly minor role, so it just seemed that the named was gratuitous). I am not leaving this review in hopes to crush your spirits, I just thought that criticism is better than nothing?
Let'sGoSquirrelLetsBeAwesome chapter 44 . 8/5/2010
i love it! when are you going to write more :[ ?
Jack Lace chapter 1 . 2/21/2010
I liked how you are leaving the story open so that you can do what you want. You have to be careful about giving too much detail and then running out of ideas.

The plot doesn't seem very plausible however. If you say more about the setting and the culture of the island/mainland, maybe I will understand why she is being sold off. Make sure that you only name charachters that will play an important role. Will Sian/Ionna be a main charachter. What about Talitha?

This is a good story and has a well thought up world. Plan ahead though, because a twist would make this good story a great one.
Someone chapter 44 . 2/16/2010
This is a very good, interesting story. Any inconsistencies are small enough not to be noticed and the plot is new and different-a rare thing nowadays. Please keep writing it! It is excellent.
Juliet adropofromeoyahoo.com chapter 1 . 1/10/2010
Hey there! It's Juliet from the romance site, A Drop of Romeo, and I picked you out to put on the site. Here's your raving review:

The story has a grand epic style that it’s written in. The Mummers only hooked me more to it. The characters were most certainly interesting and had their set qualities kicking in all the time. The rivalries and all kept me on my toes-even though sometimes it got confusing. The way the author placed the words together is flawless.

XOXO,

Juliet
Le Meg chapter 44 . 9/23/2009
Took me a bit, but I caught up! Got this through Undiscovered (I think) and I've been pleasantly reading it ever since. I love the politics in this more than anything-the larger national ones, with Cedric against the Pha'dughnain, and the smaller, personal ones between the characters. Still trying to keep all the nationalities straight, but I think I've got it down now.

When you/if you revise, I would suggest going over the first few chapters-I think it's one of the most difficult things, to have to know all the intricacies of your own plot so that you can pace the story properly, dropping enough hints to keep the reader going without giving too much or two little. I think you give too little. I know that's vague and probably not very helpful, but I found myself confused for much of the first part of the story. A couple more lines about the different cultures and the grudges between them early on might be all that you need to make some of that clearer without giving away the secret fight of the Mummers, various character heritages, etc.

With that said, I think this is a really great story-it's broad and has an epic quality to it, and the addition of the Mummers especially made me really get into it. Nichara is an interesting character-she's a very jealous, selfish, spoiled girl and you've detailed that well throughout the entire story. I don't always like her, but it does seem like she's learning, finally, and that gives me some hope. She seems very dependent, and I'm never sure what her purpose is, who she's supposed to be-I don't think she knows either. That's an interesting journey to take in a story like this, so I'm looking forward to reading more about her.

And on a slightly related note... have you read any Guy Gavriel Kay by any chance?
Bookstalker chapter 2 . 9/19/2009
Hmm... I like what you've done with the setting and the characters, but it's a bit confusing sometimes... maybe I just need to go back and reread it again. But otherwise, I like the tone of this!
euroweasley chapter 44 . 12/28/2008
This is an amazing story; it's not often that I find a story on fictionpress and read it all day, non-stop. And 44 chapters, no less! The plot is enthralling and suspensful, and every minute I was living vicariously through Nichara. I'm hoping to read the next installment soon (and crossing my fingers that Nichara manages to re-join Lochan, and hoping that they can finally be together :))
faery tragedy chapter 44 . 6/24/2008
AH! You're back! I'm ecstatic.

I have to admit, I had to re-read some of the last chapters to plunge back into the new one. Anyway.

The comparison to corpses was macabre. And not just because they resembled corpses, but because strange, masked mummers are sort of mythical and creepy to begin with. The first scene is totally palpable with suspense. I can't say exactly what it is-a mixture of hurried dialog, concise but perfect descriptions, the point when she forgets her mask...I've said it before, but you have outstanding talent, a way of controlling your prose so finely and beautifully that it seems easy to read as thoughts. Or pictured like a movie.

Naphtali, sort of playing a mischievous Merlin character, always has such epic dialog.

I think you mean to capitalize Merrow about 3/4ths the way down.

Another confession: I'm a little lost with all the political intrigue. It's not because of lack of clarity on your part, but just because you've been away for awhile. Maybe a quick author's note would help?

*faery tragedy
faery tragedy chapter 43 . 3/17/2008
I'm sorry it's taken me so long to review! I've been so busy and irresponsible. Anyway, this chapter was good. The breaks seemed to move the story along effortlessly without feeling too contrived. I liked the "paid mourners" comment; it made me think of ancient Egyptians who paid people to mourn for their dead. It gave the chapter a mystical, ancient feel. I liked the description of the queen. I could picture her perfectly. The confrontation between Nichara, Naphtali, and Juhana was pretty intense. I think you wrote it really well and convincingly. I'm excited to see where you'll go with this, especially since it's so intriguing right now. *faery tragedy
faery tragedy chapter 42 . 2/14/2008
I like how you inject little details that show instead of tell, like the hoarseness of Calliope's voice. The talk between Naphtali and Nichara was certainly a bit...mysterious albeit surprising. You wrote the scene very well. It explained everything without giving everything away in a total frank, boring manner. "There is a little murderess in you" was such a great line! And the last line, like many of yours, certainly sets up a cliffhanger. I hope you write more soon! *faery tragedy
Satar chapter 42 . 2/13/2008
well this chapter was certainly worth the wait, finally some light was shed on what the mummers are and who Naphtali actually is, all in all a great chapter! Can't wait for the next chapter! things are really starting to come together now.
faery tragedy chapter 41 . 12/6/2007
Woo! A new chapter. I knew I could count on you :). The description of the physician blew me away. I expected you to mold her into the death-crone stereotype, but you didn't. Nice job. "Brushing past his wife..." was a precise simile, and it really worked there. Danikka's ignorance and stereotypes of the Marajan is neat too. I'm sure a lot of people can relate to being branded like that, and it shows what kind of superstitious people they are. Seren really gets on my nerves sometimes, but I guess that's what you intended lol. The latter part of the chapter was a little confusing, but I think the dream segment was sort of meant to be that way. Anyway, I don't have any complaints except that I hope you write more quickly! *faery tragedy
Melly chapter 41 . 12/1/2007
yeah an update so happy :D

but y does naphtali want to start a war?

and is daniyel the one that is dying?

u haven't and nachara interact with him in awhile

Well anyway great chapter, u awesome writer .
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