Reviews for Legend of Ejian
rvtolentino chapter 5 . 8/14/2006
oh! sorry for not dropping by earlier, RinI, but here's your long overdue review!

finally. my guess is right... so Dasan really is something. i've always thought his person is something much greater, as his words are always wise and knowledgeable, and he seemed to know a lot of things pertaining to the mystical realm. it was no surprise then that he was immortal; but i've never thought that he considered Hoiya to be something like a daughter. or am i thoroughly wrong?

at any rate the appearance of Seriss is a nice addition to this chapter, especially when i thought she was one of those goody-goody queens with maternal instincts in overdrive. she was actually the opposite and she seemed to be an evil witch, and extremely powerful (both in her following and magic, i think) besides, so i'm on my toes waiting for the next update.

especially as 'ensnaring the great Rahan within that child'. WTH! a god was sealed inside a mortal? or at least, a human? this is getting pretty exciting.

as usual i can't find something to complain about so i'm cutting that short, and going straight to the request of you updating. please write more soon and i'll be standing by!

(and oh, sorry again for being overdue X_X)

rvtolentino chapter 4 . 7/29/2006
i've never read a story so... wise and filled with lore as this one before in Fiction Press. with that done, i think you deserve to be in my list of closely-watched authors as you update. i will be reading your other works also, and if they are as good as this maybe i'll add you to my favorite author list as well. XD

anyway straight to business. normally in a typical review i'd cite the most powerful chapter in a story, but in here i probably can't do that-all chapters are more or less equivalent in beauty. the first one starts in a really unique way with the hawking cry of a merchant/magician or whatever, and what followed was even more intriguing with the noisy and the seemingly inquisitive Hoiya and the unnaturally knowledgeable innkeeper Dasan (although at first Hoiya started out as a plump, homely middle-aged woman in my mind, though).

the succeeding chapters moved at the same good pace, introducing a lot of concepts but giving enough time to explain what these ideas were, and effectively at that. the history of the world is a good tapestry that stays in the mind of the reader; although it was i believe intentionally vague (but not that vague) from the outset it was sufficiently covered during the third chapter. i must admit that the names were not my cup of tea, but as it stands the names are not important; how you portray them is, and so far, you've done a marvelous job. also, the setting is well-constructed and doesn't appear to be flimsy and insubstantial; you give out the impression that you know where EXACTLY these places are, how they look like, et cetera. there are few bigger turn-offs for a reader than an author who doesn't know where his/her story is set.

what i like best in this story is how you put wisdom in the words of your characters, especially like Dasan-who would think of making a wise innkeeper who i suspect is hiding more than he lets out? the enigmatic boy-girl and the Derthan giant are the same; they speak cryptically, like the truth is hidden beneath their deep words. it is the stuff of really experienced writers to have something like this in their stories, and i take my hat off to you for injecting an elusive sense into an oversaturated genre.

the feel of the story is just like a history lesson, though-like the dry tomes you obtain and read in Dungeons and Dragons games like Baldur's Gate. although infused with knowledge, these books offer little entertainment unless you're a die-hard D&D fan. not to say your story is not entertaining, or has little to nothing of it, rather, the narrative voice is dry and stark. the setting even seems a bit like the Forgotten Realms, and Hoiya having the ability to see 'auras' lend a Wheel of Time subtlety to it (like one of Rand's concubines XD).

the detail of your story is impressive, though, especially concerning the actions of the characters. they are elaborate, and leaving little to the imagination; they are eloquent, for short. your flow of words is pretty elegant and refined, like you had just read a week's worth of classical books and their smithing of words rubbed off on you. you have an excellent command of language and it's simply magnificent, although of course you'd do well with a little more editing-some errors in grammar and typing glare at me from the text, and they mar the otherwise delicate style you have penned. also, the conversations and interactions among characters, while pitifully short, are direct and blunt-they are a balanced counterpoint to your expressive writing voice.

the pacing looks to me like this is a shorter story than i am accustomed to, but it's not a complaint. the plot is gradually being revealed, and i like how it is being exposed-little by little. i'm just a fan of not knowing what happens next.

overall you have a very great story that few writers can achieve. the plot is not exactly original, but the take is very much so... and i sense a big twist coming soon. please update soon!

PS. and i saw your dA. God, you're amazing! also, if you don't mind, email me what you think of my review, or give me a review of your own-i'd love to hear from you!
Tenou Amaya and Sanada Sayuri chapter 4 . 3/9/2006
Ohh... Wonder what's going to happen next?

Update again, please!
Tenou Amaya and Sanada Sayuri chapter 3 . 11/8/2005
Well done with the story so far. It's been a while since your last update, so please, update again soon!
JaveHarron chapter 3 . 8/8/2005
Good story so far! The fact certain 'studies' were banned seems like a very blatant attempt by the status quo to control public perceptions and power distributions. The story seems 'anime like' so far.
Rhea Valente chapter 3 . 8/2/2005
Ooh! That plot thickens! _ I LOVE this story so far! Update soon! _
RhyneHart chapter 2 . 8/1/2005
hey this is one of the best stories i've read on here so far...if you kee[ them coming then i'll keep reviewing
Rhea Valente chapter 2 . 8/1/2005
Great start! I love it! Can't wait 2 read more and find out where this is going! Update soon, okay?
josh chapter 1 . 6/6/2005
good story, please write more
Jave Harron chapter 1 . 5/16/2005
I must say, quite a way to being a new epic. It seems the main character is born in the ruins of some long lost, ancient civilization. Perhaps the reasons for this lost culture's collapse (greed of a few) factored into the boy's powers? Anyway, I've started a new epic myself, "Daughter of the Machine," which I think you might find interesting.