Hey, I'm dropping you a review after you've been through a hiatus, because I think that a nice, heart-felt commentary on your fabulous story would be just the thing to brighten up your day 3 Anyway, I'm glad to see that this story is Rai-centric; I've had a fascination with this character, even though he's more of a side character; then again, I've been known to have an affinity towards the minor characters and such (Matt/Mail Jeevus from Death Note, anyone?). Ha, sorry, Death Note is eating up my life right now, so I had to throw that comment there...but anyway, onto the story! I like how you're introducing tension between Nozomi and Rai, and how you've put insight into the rivalry between Protocol and Rai as the brother figure. I thought that it was well done! Spectacular as usual, Ake-chan! I always expect top-notch quality stories from you! But, poor Rai, though. I really feel for him, having the position where he's second-rate or about to be replaced. I hope that you write more of this; it's definitely a winner!

~Heather

Okay, seems like I've got a lot of catching up to do when concerning reviews, but this is a special occasion for you, considering its your birthday, so now I'm indulging a little more time to dedicate this whopper special of a review to you, since you're an uber-spectacular and all around awesome internet friend. Yes, it's been a while since reading any updates from you, but whenever I indulge into this story, it's like slipping into a comfortable pair of pajamas. It's the kind of story that just makes me want to curl up on a cozy chair and simply read the night through, a lovely story with great characters and action to keep any serious fan of anime style stories interested. From what we see here, this is a rather light-hearted chapter that shows the adorable relationship between Nozomi and Protocol, who inevitably become my favorite dynamic duo of this story. Their little antics at the beginning of the chapter actually made me chuckle out loud; it's endearing how close Nozomi and Protocol are. The best things about the characters is that they're quite multi-dimensional with their own quirky personalities, that's something I like, and the other zany cast members of this story are a delight as well. Wish there would be a little more screen time with Rai and Dragoon, but it's all right, because the storytelling in general has more than compensated for the lackage of Rai _~ Naw, just kidding with you, though seriously, it would be cool to have a few Rai cameos here and there. Also, here we get more in-depth with Nozomi's stepmother, and we see the interaction between her and Protocol. I think it's just hilarious, really, how Protocol is so obedient to Nomashi while Protocol is so rebellious. Oh, Gods, the things that Nozomi said about her! Lol! But I'll be getting to that, as I go to the entire overview of the chapter as I always do. Tee, Nozomi's so mischevious though; only ten pranks on the garden club, eh? Lol. I also like just how...just how blunt that Protocol always is. The names that Nozomi called her stepmother though; just, lol. I kind of feel bad for Nomashi, though, since her relationship with Nozomi isn't as close as she would like it to be, though I think that even though she's a little overbearing on Nozomi's individuality, I think that she is probably doing it out of good intentions rather than spite. However, I just can't imagine Nozomi wearing frilly dresses and just being girly girly; that's totally not Nozomi. The Nozomi I know is a spunky, precocious, kickass girl with a knack for mechanics. I just can't picture her as anything else, otherwise. Though it's true that Nozomi does show a deep interest for mechanics, I think that her mother might be worrying a little too much; (or it might be possible foreshadowing, I'm not sure...but I guess it's all up to reader speculation), but then again, it's in a mother's nature to worry, ne? I should know from personal experience...lol, and like so many other people too, I'm sure. Yes, hopefully, their relationship will get a little bit better, Nomashi and Nozomi, though for now, it appears that they have a bit of tension going around. Poor Protocol, though, being stuck in the middle. ;; I would certainly hate to be stuck in-between the mother and Nozomi; oh dearies. Though, Protocol's softer side and innately caring nature for Nozomi really shows here, and as I said before, he fills in the gap for a true familial bond in the void. Also, I think it's interesting with the scene with Nozomi and Suzaku; and, ohohohohoho, Suzaku has taken a liking for Nozomi-chan X3 Wonder how Minoru would react to that...ha.

Minoru/Nozomi shipper: 0 This is tyranny! We demand more Minoru/Nozomi!

*coughs* Kehehe. Yeah. It's interesting to see what Suzaku's perspective on the human race is, however. Yup, as you said, definite good, sugary fluffyness all around here, just like pink cotton candy. Oh dear, you mustn't puke up all that fluff, m'dear. It's quite unhealthy, you know. But yes, once again, happy birthday, and thank you for the very enjoyable read.

chibichocobo

Hey Ake-chan, I know just the thing to cheer ya up right now, and that's through one of my patented reviews! You look forward to those, right? Lol, of course you do, and I'm not gunna disappoint in this one. So let's get cracking and proceed onto the story! *cracks knuckles* Your characters, as always, are enjoyably delightful, and the interaction that unfolds before me in their adventures is just like popping open a well-loved storybook, and then I indulge in this fantastic world of robots (which is a shonen story with a shoujo twist, as you state _~)Now, we get to see Kenmei-chan, the loveable author surrogate of yours, is a great addition to the roster of characters that you display in this story. As I said before, your characters are the heart of your story, and you have this ability to develop realistic and three-dimensional (sometimes eerily four-dimensional) characters that begin to breath with a life of their own and have this uncanny sentience. Your dialogue is well executed, and though the description may be short, the saying goes that it's 'short and sweet' right? Besides, sometimes you don't wanna go overboard with description; that BORES the readers to TEARS, I tell you. Though I admit the language and sentence structure is relatively simple, I think it's still well executed; besides, Ernest Hemingway had a more short and plain style of writing, and he's considered one of the greatest writers. So, there's nothing wrong with that, nothing wrong at all. I mean, I'm used to overly descriptive works, and I'm a little biased towards them, but seeing your works is refreshing, because they are just descriptive enough without being overwhelming. Besides, you depict the scenes so that we're able to visualize the characters and their elaborate actions and such, and your characters are just awesome. You have this talent, along with still2twisted, and this is one of the greatest praises that I can give to somebody, on portraying sharply delineated characters. The robots, with their sapiance and diverse personalities, are always interesting personalities to read, such as Protocol, Dragoon, Minoru, and now we have Kenmei's Mermage, Nauticaa. Lol, also; I can see the yuri vibes between Nozomi and Kenmei! It kind of reminds me of Tomoyo and Sakura from CCS. Actually, Kenmei kind of reminds me of Tomoyo in general *cuddles a little Tomoyo plushie* She was so cute, and adorable; therefore, I adore Kenmei as well. Woo. Overall, good piece, and hopefully, I will be able to stock together more time to give you even more reviews, and read more of your wonderful stories, of course!

Muchos love, Ake-chan!

chibichocobo

My dear, this appears to be a lovely piece and everything, and I can understand the justification of the raving reviews for it. However, even behind the appealing voice, there are still some fundamental flaws that can be fixed. Since everyone has told you the good points of the story, now you need to know some of the bad aspects of it as well. Now, please forgive me if I sound harsh, and I enjoyed this story, I really did, however, as fun as it is, it isn't a product of sophisticated writing. Now, I understand if you probably wrote it for fun; a fine motivation for a writer, actually. I also understand that it is intended for younger audiences; though this isn't to say you shouldn't produce great writing instead of moderate writing because you are writing for children. However, as it was posted on the internet, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Besides, seeing that you have no experience with constructive criticism yet, it is about time that you learn, non? The style is somewhat immature, and there are various aspects that can be polished. I thought it was a cute touch, when you shift from the first person perspective at the beginning through the character's head; it's very anime-esque. However, in the very beginning chapter, I think that the italics and shift in the point of perspective was awkwardly done; it can easily be mistaken for character thoughts instead of a point of view shift from first to third. The first person perspective at the beginning of each chapter is fine, but for the first chapter of shifting in-between first and third throughout seems rather amateurish. Of course, there are other fine respective authors that can pull this off quite easily, but here, you can't differentiate first person italics from character thoughts (which are usually denoted through italics). Perhaps some other formatting might be useful when doing this? I think that a few other readers have pointed out this valid flaw.

Also, this work seems to be a little derivative of other original works such as Medabots or SD Gundam, but that's not much of a problem here, since you've managed to put your own spin on it. I have to admit, dialogue seems to be your strength here, but your weakness is definitely in description. In fact, it's rather plain, and it isn't anything special compared to other stories that I have read from before. The voice isn't that distinctive, and you have such nondescript lines such as 'Nozomi growled and raised her hand and slapped Dragoon in the face. She then jumped back and held her hand that was red.' and 'A helicopter appeared from behind the school. From the helicopter dropped a box' You see? You have various other descriptions like that, too plain, unadorned, and simply, well, lacking emotive quality. Now, I'm not saying that every line has to be sparkling, glittering prose everywhere you turn; that turns into what we call purple prose. No, but you should try more sentence variation as well, since you're writing is mostly choppy, bumpy, with all those one sentence descriptions. Also, descriptions of characters is a little weak. All that you describe about them is their attire, hair, or eye color. Now, it's natural that most authors do this, since those are usually distinctive features of people, right? However, you could have done better, such as describing Rai 'Nozomi smiled broadly as she looked up at a blond, pony-tailed, blue-eyed boy.'

Instead, it can look at this: Nozomi turned towards the directin of an adolescent boy with cool blue eyes that seemed to vaguely find the world amusing. His hair was draped back into a ponytail, which was done with the sloppy finesse of teenage boys, dressed in a black muscle shirt fitting across his slender form (with awkward limbs that had lost all childhood grace) accompanied by regular blue jeans.

Instead of outwardly describing it, you should reveal description of character through action, which is an easier method. We don't get too deeply into the character's emotive qualities either; however, as I said before, though, your dialogue compensates for your description. You don't seem to describe action well, either; example would be: 'Battox countered with another shot. This one veered off to the left and barely scrapped (scraped*) the robot's sheild. Nozomi's eyes widened as the blast came towards her. She screamed and ducked under a desk as debris flew all around her.'

This, of course, lies in the problem of your description. You got the core details, though you don't have more of the emotional layer or qualities that makes action exciting. Whenever you think action, you think of adrenaline-inducing, dizzying, heart-stopping, rollercoaster plunging excitement.

Modified version: Battox countered with another shot, and the force of the intensive energy ripped through the air. However, it had been veered off the robot's shield and barely scratched its metallic surface. Before Nozomi realized what was happened, her eyes had instinctively widened as the blast surged towards her. Through frightened reflex, Nozomi screamed and ducked under the desk as debris shrouded the air.'

Of course, this all depends on word choice as well. Instead of having 'neutral words like 'came towards' and 'flew all around', you can replace with more powerful imagery such as 'surged' and 'shrouded'.

I believe that I have said my piece, but don't take this review harshly, and I'm sorry if I offended you. However, I'm doing this because I genuinely think that you have potential; with a few refinements, you can become a rather good writer. If you would like a reference to some really, REALLY good writing, I suggest that you read Xandra, especially her work Dark Illustrations: Sketches in Blood. A fine piece, and shameless plugging for a great author. However, I hope that you take my advice and improve yourself; I look forward to seeing your progression as a writer.

~Random Reader

Hey Ake-chan! As promised earlier, I am here with my review for 'Battle Yuke Yuke!'. Due to work and fatigue, I only managed to polish off two chapters. Gomen! But, here's a conjoined review for what I've read so far. Okay, let first remind you that I wasn't a fan of 'SD Gundam' or 'Medabots' (though I saw enough of both to know where you're trying to to go with this story). Now that that's out of the way, let's get down to the basics. First off, it's nice to see someone else other than me who likes to reread and revise there work. The effort is apparent as the two chapters that I read (as well as the first which I reread to reacquaint myself with the story and characters) seemed to be fairly clean and error free. That's not say that some may have slipped past your notice (Lord knows that I continue to find mistakes in mine often enough even though I had already gone over and though them with a fine-toothed comb two or three times already!), so you should probably take another look just in case. As usual, I really enjoy your writing. It flows together so well and leaves plenty for the imagination to fill in with your beautiful crafting of words. Your characters breath with a fine anime quality (which is just perfect for a manga-based story) and allows the reader to perfectly picture both Nozomi and Protocol, as well as the other characters you created, in a vivid and animated way. You have a great talent with this and it makes your works all the more unique. You have also come a long way as far as spelling and grammar are concerned. I have noticed very few errors in either category come to my attention while reading. A mark of a serious author who wishes to improve what they write. Constant editing of your work is a must if you want it to be as good as it can be. So far, I love your characterization of Nozomi and Protocol. Their interaction is well-handled and makes me really want to cheer for the pairing as they face their opponents. Though it isn't as good or intriguing as your delicious and absolutely brilliant handling of Alice-chan in 'I Wish', it is still something that exceeds most of the attempts made on Fictionpress by other authors. You and Chi-chan are very adept at handling characterization and growth, and those are very good skills to have to be a great writer or novelist. In closing, I would like to thank you for the review you gave me for 'dreamSEED'. The next chapter is in the works and should be done and up as soon as tomorrow. But, I make no promises...LOL! I will try to review the rest of this sometime this week, but I don't know if the next review will be quite this long. As before, this a very good story wioth interesing characters, a good plot hook, and a fine handling of detail that doesn't drown out everything else. Keep up the good work, Ake-chan. You might convert me into a 'SD Gundam'/'Medabots' fan yet! I'm already a 'Battle Yuke Yuke' one!

See you next review!

Terryll Preston, still2twisted of Fictionpress fame...

Good news. Today, school has ended for me, and I'm ecstatic over that *parties* So, after class has ended for the year, I decided that I would drop a line to my very good friend and fellow Chibi, Ake-chan! So yes, here is the review for the third chapter of Battle Yuke Yuke, with the much beloved characters Nozomi and Protocol, the Dynamic Duo! *we hear a deafening round of applause* After this, I think I must drop a review for Danzaiver and read it again so I can get more background on our much beloved heroine Haku, aka Danzaiver! *another round of applause ensues for Haku* Anyway, I do get a little side-tracked, so please excuse me. However, I must say, this was another delightful chapter, and the relationship and interaction between Nozomi and Protocol is absolutely adorable, and it screams nothing short of 'KAWAII!'. The relationship of human/robot is very interesting, and the characterization is well pulled off. Everything about the story is very cute, and I'm sure that fans of SD Gundam would be very proud of your achievement.

Poor Nozomi has so many conflicts to deal with, especially with the Evil Organization and all, but it seems to get even worse when her rival, Minoru, is introduced into the scene, along with his robot Suzaku! However, I shall refer to him later in the review, as I've got other sparkly glittery praise to give you and interesting commentary on the side about the chapter. Whenever Nozomi and Protocol were discussing about their relationship, Nozomi mentioned with a keen analysis that Protocol worried about her, and this led to the comment about him being like a human, which deepens their relationship into something more. This means that she thinks of Protocol as much more than just a robot; she actually thinks of him as something much more, and Protocol fills in the gap as her brother figure. My mind turned fluff-ified from the sheer cuteness of the scene; you've turned me into a believer through fluff.

Fluff Lurve

I think it's interesting that each of the robots have diverse models and personalities alike; Dragoon and Protocol for one, are very cool, and there are others as well. Pretty soon, we are introduced to Minoru and Suzaku, a couple of shady figures in the background, but like the other characters, they make convincing antagonists against our heroine Nozomi, and they add to the conflict, as I've said before, along with the Evil Organization. I think that it's intriguing that Protocol has an unidentifiable OS; this adds intrigue, and I'm sure after you've hooked your readers from the beginning, they're curious about this as well. I know I am X3

The scene between Nozomi/Protocol vrs. Kazuo/Bodboy was awesome (lol, though the name Kazuo reminds me of my own character, Hiroyuki Kazuo, but that's beside the point...lol) From this scene, after Protocol was insulted by Kazuo, Nozomi opens up another aspect of their relationship, by saying that Protocol and her were an inseperable team, and her anger towards Kazuo was touching, in a way, all for the sake of Protocol. Then, in a demonstration of brains over brawn, Nozomi outwits Bodboy, and that scene was just awesome. The fight was not only action-packed, but it also held an emotional impact as well, deepening the relationship between loveable characters Nozomi and Protocol.

For now, I don't like Minoru, especially after what he did to Protocol, but perhaps in the later chapters, he might improve. But then, you know what they say; first impressions last forever _~ Lol, just kidding. Minoru is a convincing antagonist; arrogant, smooth-talker, powerful, and radiates badass. I think that Minoru, in some way or another, might help Nozomi out of a sticky situation, though this is only a hypothetical situation. I guess I'll just have to wait and see and determine whether there's going to be more to this blossoming rivalry between Nozomi and Minoru. For now, though, Minoru is an ass; he might be as bad as Helm, to tell you the truth, especially after he called Protocol a defect. I can't wait to see a climactic battle between them; and I can't wait to see Protocol kick Suzaku's ass sometime XP

So, overall, great story, and I wanted to thank you for reviewing my story Uprising Thanatos It is muchly appreciated, and I can't wait to see what you have planned for the Satoshi/Haku crossover thing. Also, wonderful job on this story, and I shall read and review more in the future!

chibichocobo

Hiya,

I know you weren't feeling that well yesterday, so I thought I would give you a review to cheer up. Of course, be reassured that this is one of Chi-chan's special deluxe mega-awesome reviews, one that is specially reserved for you _~ This is going to be a long in-depth one, so be prepared, brace yourself, get a nice cool drink, sit back and relax, and start reading the review.

First off, I mentioned that I loved your stories in general because of the characters that inhabit them. Nozomi is no exception to this, and I do like how you incorporated first person thought along with a third person perspective in the story, though I would have to say you should be careful with how you format the first person perspective mingled with the third person, because italics usually indicate thoughts in a story, but this is only a minor setback, nothing dramatic, nothing that detracts from the reader's experience, so don't worry. Whenever I'm doing something like inter-weaving first person and third person together, I use something that would indicate that it's different from the the rest of the text. Like, in Uprising Thanatos, I differentiated the various first person character quotes from the third person narrative by going like this:

...Blah blah blah - Insert Character name here

For Dreamscapes, I made sure the reader know the difference between the perspective of a person who doesn't know his identity associating himself with scenes that he is slowly starting to remember by going like this:_

Text Text Text Text Text Text Text Text Text Text Text Text Text Text_

Well, anyways, sorry for getting side-tracked on that, but I saw that Peace Writer made a note of that, and I thought that I would add my own two cents as well ;; Sorry for the nitpicking, but every writer makes a mistake, including myself, and I appreciate it when I recieve constructive criticism that points out things to me that I haven't noticed before.

Well, anyways, nitpicking aside, I said that it doesn't detract from the reading experience at all, and everything about it, the concept and the characters, are enthralling and unique. Especially after I have watched some SD Gundam, and now I have a further understanding about the origins of the characters and the story, and I my visualization of them is sharper, clearer.

Yes, the Captain was awesome X3 *insert fangirl sqwee here*

I can see the similarities and parallelism between the two, but you have managed to take the concept and make it your own, resulting in the birth of the delightful characters Nozomi and Protocol (who are underappreciated...bah) *holds up a support Nozomi and Protocol banner for the rest of the Fictionpress population to see* Protocol is just...so cute, with his relationship with Nozomi, his earnest nature, his formal and polite way of speaking, is just WAY too endearing for me X3 The mystery that surrounds him is also intriguing, and it makes the reader wonder why an evil organization is after this robot. Poor Nozomi was dragged into it along with Protocol, but she proves to be a brave, intelligent, and bright girl, and I know that she'll manage to pull through the situation, no matter how tough it gets (besides, she's the main character...where would the story be if she didn't get through the conflicts? lol)

Also, Protocol's cluelessness about the human nature and slang and idioms is just...so...ADORABLE! *hugs a Protocol plushie* His direct questions to Nozomi, especially when he asked if she would learn to not bump her head the second time X3 That just tickled my funny bone...ahem, anyway, his asking about the human nature is just cute, and everything about the story SCREAMS cute, especially after I know what to compare the story to, but this doesn't mean that the story is all fluff. Nope, with Ake-chan style brand action, we know that there's going to be excitement ahead in the future!

Final lines: Incredible.

I shall be reviewing more in the future.

~* chibichocobo *~

Woah...what the heck? I swear that I have reviewed this before? I can't believe that I didn't! Argh! *hits herself* So, I decided to grace this story with a review, since it seems to be underappreciated :( Well, I'll bring a fix to that! I don't want you taking any of these stories down, because I think that each of these stories are special in their own right, and they're enjoyable, fun little stories that are worth the read. This seems like a manga-esque title, so I decided to give it a whirl, and I wasn't disappointed. Well, lessee, teh author's voice is nice, and I like how we switch from Nozomi's voice to the third person narrative, and these two voices intertwine so smoothly throughout the text, and it simply feels like a manga would, in my opinion. Your definite strong point in your writing is the characters, and the characters are the gems of your stories. Nozomi is a wonderfully portrayed, chipper and precocious child with a knack for mechanics (a little bit on the clumsy-ish side, but this makes her all the more endearing...especially for the fact that she's a sort of tomboyish girl...and this makes her all the more charming to me)And the note to herself to not bang her head? Hilarious XDRai, her foster brother, seems like a very likeable person, and he's hard to dislike. It seems, that without trying, you effortlessly make you characters both charming and captivating, and the reader can't help but go on and read the rest of the story to see what happens to them. You're right though...this story needs more appreciation Yar. I think that these characters are wonderful, and I'm sorry that you don't have more reviews for this. This is one of the more underappreciated gems on Fictionpress, and don't feel bad because of the lack of reviews, because I certainly think that this is a wonderful piece, and from the other postive reviews that I've seen, I can easily sum up all the good points of this story; your talent is evident in the piece, the author's voice is fluid and graceful, the story was well-handled, the characters are wonderfully portrayed (give love to the underappreciated characters of Chibi-Akemi! Holds up baner for Nozomi, Rai, Dragoon, and Protocol). Overally, it's brilliance and awesomeness on a bun. It's true that there is still a bit of things to clean up, but they're minor things that didn't detract from the story at all. I still mistakes, even after I've checked over a story three times or more. Haha. The overall concept is awesome, it has a general appeal to an audience, and I love it. Need I say more? :)

chibichocobo

Woah: didn't even know you had started a new story!Well then, this story is pretty interesting. It reminds me of Angel Links or Custom Robo. So, her town is peaceful, huh? Looks like that's about to , I spotted some punctuation errors. When Nozomi's thinking, you might want to place quotation marks around it. What I personally like to do is place apostrophie marks around thoughts. You shouldn't leave thoughts exposed like that, as it's dangerously close to being confused with what's actually happening.I also spotted some missing commas and apostrophies. Other than that, this story's turning out well. I like the concept. I promise to read the rest of the chapters writing!Peace out!

I had to skip the last chapter, short on time (school's tomorrow .''). Anyways, I enjoyed this, but you need to add more punctuation (like there are some run-ons that need commas, etc). Like when I was doing my English paper, I found out semicolons are my best friend! Lol, see mroe from you soon -''

~Sumiko

There are a few typos, you might want someone to read over this. Other then that, it was an enjoyable read, very cute. Your writing always has that feel of a good old fashioned kid's anime (I miss those days, lol) Next chap -

~Sumiko

It's 12:37 and I'm exhausted, but this story has cheered me up. I like this so far...so I'll continue reading this when I have more energy tomorrow morning -''

~Sumiko

ah, first off, my deepest apologies for not being able to review sooner... beyond the fact that i had so much to do, and i bit off more than i could chew as far as school work is concerned, i recently just moved, and am stuck with 28.8 k online service until the end of the week before my ISP gets my broadband connection , this story does deserve the honest and unplifting both SD gundam and metabots... are shounen, in which i take great pride in saying that i have watched such shows, they were not my favorites as far as mech battle goes. however, that does not take away from the flair of your new can be geniunely said that you have talent, your prose is very fluid and i am content to follow through to this latest chapter, furthermore, to add to the lines of gratitude that i have experienced from reading what is here so far in this fic, i have to say that the characters and the story were not at all the turn off that the two anime you based this fic on had. you are a great writer, and to say that is a lot. however, i will add that i expect nothing less of your next time, and i will hopefully be delighted on the next read as much as i was this goes without say, one can critique your fiction, however, i don't believe it deserves such, for the best reason that can come to mind... everything CLICKED.

much in delight, and feeling no regret,

kakyou.

Good chapter. I hope Protocol kicks that Suzaku's butt!

Very good job. I like the whole robot thing even though it reminds me of medabots but still a good job.