|Reviews for A Picture Says a Thousand Words|
| Jareth Valentine chapter 5 . 7/11/2005
*watches the sparks fly* Woohoo! Marvelous! A very well-executed first kiss. And such a beautiful scene, as well. Whoever inspired such a setting must be a true genius. :PSeriously, great job. That kiss was excellently written, and built up to remarkably well. My only gripe is that we didn't get to read Livi's essay. It would have nice to see her impressions of the dance as well. Oh, well. Great chapter anyway. Keep it up.
| Knightmare Elite chapter 4 . 7/5/2005
This chapter seemed more like a break from the heavy emotions and questioning than an acceptiong/transitioning period. It was more about having fun and enjoying their company. But at the same time I would have thought if they were 'aware' then things would be more normal than before.
In the bathroom is was heading that way then it just turned in a different direction. Not complaining here I still liked the chapter. It just didn't turn out how it has seemed. Keep up the good work.
| Raven A. Star chapter 4 . 7/5/2005
w00t! Livi admitted she wasn't straight! _
/Yay, Normal conversation!/
lol. XD I love that.
/Livi gave her best George Washington "Never!" with a bold grin and grabbed her own pillow, bringing a good light fwap down on the top of Perri's head./
lol. Sounds like stuff me and my sister used to do. 3 When we lived in Ticonderoga, we'd pick a day of the week and take all the pillows and stuffed animals and stuff and throw them on the floor, make the room completely dark, and have a pillow war. D
/“ACK!” Perrine exclaimed, laughing. “Is that so? Well, I’ll have to unleash my squirrelly—uh, I’ll have to release my wrath!” She chuckled a little at the accidental Foamy the Squirrel reference, which her cousin had introduced her to over summer vacation, then raised her pillow again and got Livi on the side./
Love the Foamy reference! You got me addicted to that cartoon.
/"Aah!" Livi spun, giggling a bit at Perrine's expression. "Luke! I am your mother!" Laughing she swung the pillow, thwapping Perri's hand as if mimicking Darth Vader.
Perrine grinned, then playfully clawed at her eyes. “No!” Dramatically, switching ‘pillow hands,’ she got Livi across the neck in slow motion, then paused musingly. “Well. That would have cured his problems.”/
God, I am loving all of these references. XD
/“Another? What are you talking about?” Perrine asked, grinning. “After that first failure... all I want to dominate is the world’s bagel shops! With cream. Creamy cheesy creamy cheese creamy... cheese. And then possibly the world. If I feel like it.”/
She gets the bagel shops, I GET ALL THE FMA STUFF IN THE WORLD! Including EDWARD!
/The artist raised her eyebrows and pretended to throw a miniature fit. “Ten minutes? You did not just say ten minutes. Correct me if I am wrong, I think I heard you say ten minutes. That is complete bullshit. I already gave you two sets of five. That's ten! Can you count? Five, five, ten. Get your fat ass up and get me to the bagel shop!”/
OMG I couldn't stop laughing at that. XD
Dance? Tell me, are those two going to go to the dance together or stay in their room and have a little 'fun'? lol. I'm really looking forward to an updated. Great work!
| Netta chapter 1 . 6/20/2005
Hello hello :)
Good stuff: I like it very much, and it's been bookmarked in anticipation of the next chapter. I like how it deals fully with the issue of being worried about coming out as opposed to the normal pervy girl-on-girl action you get ins tories, and I thought all the awkward moments were beautifully done. It's mostly very well written and keeps you clear on the thoughts of both the characters.
Not-good stuff: I thought it was sometimes a little awkwardly written, like this bit - "the same girl that had protested to Livi’s note" - I'm pretty sure that people are "who" and not "that" and it's also unnecessary to say "the same girl" as opposed to just "the girl" - I don't know why this sentence jarred me as much as it did, it just seemed.. inelegant? (Apart from the phrasing it was fantastic, full of tense amazingness)
The main thing that bothers me, though, is that the impartial narrator is just the same as the characters. The girls have some superficial differences but their basic attitude to school is the same: They don't like the sluts/cheerleaders, they enjoy "sensible" conversations, they work hard and are good students. That also seems to be the narrator's attitude. The descriptive narrating voice sounds very condemning of the exact same things as the girls are - "slutty giggles" seems like something a character should say, not the narrator. I imagine at least one of you authors is in the same mind-frame as the charatcers in that you remember being at school and what you thought of all thse teenaged stereotypes but in my mind it's too.. evangelistic to really be good writing.
That is all, and apologies if it was harsh :)
| pumpkinskull chapter 3 . 6/19/2005
le whewt. I have been dedicatified for doing nothing. *does a half-hearted cheer, decides that is too lazy to complete, lets hand slowly fall down, falls asleep* _ z...
oh, wait, right. Ahem.
Good job. Happy story.
| blah chapter 3 . 6/14/2005
luv it so far! plaese update soon!
| Aruru chapter 3 . 6/14/2005
That's good. Nice job!
| Knightmare Elite chapter 3 . 6/14/2005
Really good chapter. The chronic inner musings of the girls were quite funny at times. Though I'm really wondering how things will go next. Since they are roomates after all. Look like they're headed for either a long talk or a night long awkward silence.
| Raven A. Star chapter 3 . 6/13/2005
/The teacher's last name, Poubelle, directly translated to English, was Trash Can. Her poor children, Livi thought bemusedly, before focusing on the class itself and what Mrs. Trash Can was going to say./
HAHAHAHAHAHA! XD Hehe! I love that! D
/“Hey!” Perrine replied cheerfully. “Thank God, I’ve been waiting for English all day,” she said with a wry grin. Partially because I get to see you in it, she added mentally. Of course, that shouldn’t be said just yet.
So have I, I've missed you. "Yeah, me too. This is the class with the awesome teacher you were talking about, right?" Livi twirled a strand of her hair around her finger idly, her little habit./
I love the little thoughts that have in this part. 3 Makes me all warm and fuzzy inside!
I loved this chapter! I am really looking forward to reading more! Update soon! I order you to!
| Raven A. Star chapter 2 . 6/13/2005
/About halfway through breakfast, the cafeteria burst into noise as all the cheerleaders occurred, “fashionably late,” in their rolled-up skirts and barely buttoned shirts, the vest slung over one arm. All at once, the room burst into slutty giggles.../
Why does that make me think of Kyleen Ellis? O_o Oh dear...she's not even a cheerleader! _
/The Regents were the New York state tests, and the English one was known to be grueling— six hours, three essays, reading, listening, multiple choice… it was bound to be painful. /
Ugh...don't remind me. x.x
/Once everyone was in position, the shrill whistle signified that the time had come… that Judgment Day had arrived… that the Apocalypse was coming. Without looking (much), she ran straight forward to try to get the flag… then all of a sudden was face first on the ground.
… No, not the ground. Whatever she was on was significantly softer. Her hand twitched lightly and squeezed what she was on and she opened her eyes… Ohshitohshitohshitohshit
She had fallen on top of Livi. And what she was squeezing had been her breast./
*grins insanely* I love that part! D I love it I love it I LOVE it! XD Off to read the next chapter!
| Raven A. Star chapter 1 . 6/13/2005
Here I finally review after much nagging by you. xP
Great start! I'm actually glad that you pinned me down during band and forced me to read it. D It's highly amusing with all there thoughts and all. _ Ah...gotta love it. D Off to read and review the next chapter. )
| Motif chapter 3 . 6/13/2005
Ruh Roh! :o
The only good that could come of this is sex. :3
| NotA-Frayed chapter 3 . 6/13/2005
YEY! now, just write more, kay? Cause this roxxors. I can't wait for the juicy parts!
There was, of course, one thing that slightly bothered me. Sence the story sheds light on both of the girl's POVs (point of veiw), somethines it gets confusing about who thinks what. Try to replace some of the "she"s and "her"s with names.
BUT GREAT JOB KEEP IT UP!
| NotA-Frayed chapter 2 . 6/13/2005
| NotA-Frayed chapter 1 . 6/13/2005
GOOD START! yey, I just love this kind of story, and there are so darned few of them, na no da? anyhow, sweatdropping is the coolest thinge ever. Keep it up!