Reviews for Death in Details
Rosie McGartner chapter 1 . 6/8/2005
i really like it alot but if it was meant to be a haiku i am sorry but it isnt haikus are arranged 5-7-5 not 7-5-7 i still really love your work though! ~rosie
Moonbeam Elegance chapter 1 . 5/30/2005
i actually quite like the bs in the last line-the first reviewer is a bit harsh! maybe not brillaint but i still like its depth,the first line is my fave...

write on

Moonbeam E
Clockwork Angel chapter 1 . 5/29/2005
I don't really have an in depth knowledge but...Yes haiku poetry is usually done in a 5/7/5 japanese Onji...But japanese Onji is not the same as english syllables...from what I've READ...An English adaption of Haiku structure would mean having to write a total of three lines with 17 syllables or LESS...In a sense you can write three lines without having to follow the 5/7/5 rule so long as the total number of syllables are 17 or less...Because the 5/7/5 rule is originally for Japanese written haiku which was carried over when english adapted this poetry type...Yeah this poem has 19 syllables, But that's alright anyway because it may not be a Haiku...still it has that uniqueness! _ It's not like everyone can write a haiku very well...I sure don't write Haiku well haha _...It was a surprised when I've read about the 5/7/5 rule and the 17 syllables or less...Guess I have too learn more...Keep writing it helps you learn faster!
vague shadow chapter 1 . 5/28/2005
Don't listen to the first reviewer. They don't know what their talking about...

I liked the repeating D and B sounds. Reviewer 1 obviously has never heard of alliteration...

I liked the last two lines because the message both clear and a bit vague. (I know, I contradicted myself) Its clear enough that you don't have to wreck your brain trying to find the message, but vague enough to cause the reader to think about what your saying.

However, the first lines seems a bit out of place. To what "voices" are you referring? Company management? The Feds? The government?

I would like to know that. _

Moi chapter 1 . 5/28/2005
nah too many b's in the last line I'm sorry but it just doesnt flow at lines fine but the other two-scrap 'em! pretty rubbish.