Krad-Vhisinity chapter 2 . 6/12/2005

Nice work, I see you have been fixing it.

Just another note though. Try to describe the weapons in the story and all that instead of after the chapter. It makes that alot easier to read and it doesnt leave the readers wondering what they look like and stuff like that.

But it still seems a really interesting story.

PS. It is Krad-Vhisinity ;)
Krad-Vhisinity chapter 1 . 6/1/2005
You seem to have a really interesting concept on paper.

But I have to say, you use too many "I said" Chance 'said' occasionally so you dont have too many repeating words in a section.

But like I said, it is a very interesting concept, just try to fix it up a little here and there.
aruora18 chapter 1 . 6/1/2005
wow, great first chapter. Keep it going!