i like this. But I don't know what's wrong with trains, then again, I don't go on them much. But I like this. I little happy ending tucked in there too. :)

A bit too abrupt of an ending for so marvelously loquacious of a story. Or maybe I'm just praying for fluff after the storm of angst.

"You’re my new romance, I think to the phone." - What a heart-breaking line, stark and poignant against the rest of the poetic rambling, and really stopped me for a moment, made me really -think- about what it meant.

The stream-of-consciousness was disorienting towards the beginning, but the weary, dejected aura it created works.

I heart this extremely.

WOW!

Omg. I am speechless. Really. Wow. Do you know how amazing this is? You are such a great author. This is truly and really beautiful! And I'm not just saying that! Amazing. So good!

Wow, well written. Good, consistent mood and atmosphere. A couple sentences are kind of long, and a bit confusing..."A thought on the tube on the way home in the middle of the crowded suits will never lead far." Maybe it's the 'on the, on the, in the, of the' repitition. An interesting technique to evoke the ride on the 'tube' (a subway, right?), but confusing. Or maybe it's just me.

A couple more confusing sentences...

"...asks whether she's going to right way to somewhere..." did you mean 'going the right way to somewhere'?

"...cause no one notices. They’ve not very perceptive..." 'They're not...'?

that was one of the most amazing and well written one shot's i've ever read and i've read quite a few. keep it up...this is good...

Amazing piece of work. Intricately pieced together in a flow of thoughts that manifests into something beautiful.

[Due to sleepiness with it being 2 AM, review shall be continued at a later date. Hopefully tomorrow]

wow, you have a great style of writing! it's like a stream of thought, but well organized. My favorite line is: "“Hi,” I whisper, reaching out the pull the phone on my ear and holding it like it’s the earth." really awesome stuff.

-L-

again i love your style. i love the details you use and everything about the story. sorry i didn't review this the first time i read writing :D

...That made me want to cry.

Really intense. Gorgeous.

O.O wow. that was beautiful. so..nice. :) very well written- i really got into it, the tone the imagery... everything. i just got dragged in. great write.

i freaking LOVE this. it's just so real and non-cliche and atypical. you use such normal things to talk about his pain (going to work and coming back, weekend, TV... ) but i really feel for him. its like... in a breakup it's the tiny things that matter, yeah? i loved the whole thing with the phone, how he kept sleeping with it etc.. and the way they seemed to understand what the true meanings behind e.o.'s words were when they spoke on phone finally. yey for happy ending! i would have been so depressed if it wasn't...

I really like it. You just get better and better.

AW.:3

I love'I trot the steps and I'm tired at the top.'

It's so pretty.I have nothing constructive to I read it; be proud of me!I enjoyed it, too :O