Okay, well, I really didn't think it was so bad. I liked it to be completely and totally honest with you. If you like Anime, do you write fan fiction? If you do I would like to know. I really like the mystery part of the story, mystery is definitely fun to play with. Some things at first are never clear but eventually are, I'm guessing that's what you're going for. You definitely hit the nail on the head! The only problem I had was the over-use of the word "Orb". Not a big problem and something easily fixable. When a writer gets a favorite word for a little while, it's hard not to use it too much (mine was "indignance" :)). Overall, GREAT STORY! UPDATE SOON!