Reviews for Rahzthalt
Moose chapter 11 . 8/24/2005
Chapter 11 now, right?

I don't have a whole lot to say about this part, as it wasn't very long and it was solidly written. I do wonder, though if I missed somewhere Vikashar's interest in Thalazzy. I really should look over previous installments before I read new ones, otherwise I feel I may be missing key plot points.

I was a bit disappointed that under Thalazzy's gloves is a wound of some sort, because I saw that coming. Sorry, I have to realize it isn't your job to pump excitement into my jugular vein like Dan Brown.

The only real comment I have is that Vikashar's "Take off all your clothes" comment sort of goes unnoticed by Thalazzy. Or if he does notice it, it's a bit strange that he wouldn't comment on it as he had on Vikashar's statements earlier in the conversation.
Moose chapter 10 . 8/20/2005
Er, yeah. Onto the second-to-latest installment.

The paragraph that begins "As if reading his thoughts" where Kerdifplaron talks about magic and power seems a little too convenient. Why would she steer the conversation back to that subject, unless she really can read his thoughts?

I might have missed something, but why is Vikashar so focused on magic all of a sudden. Eh, it's probably just been too long since I read the previous chapter.

Pardon my bluntness, but what's up with the story of how Amck killed then thousand people? There are some things in your stories that I would say are strange, but that was just completely off-the-wall bizarre. He kidnapped them off the streets one by one? And then he made a monster out of their body parts that feeds off their pain? I'm really sorry, but that doesn't seem like your style at all.
Todd chapter 11 . 8/17/2005
What to say about this...so many things...

Vikashar was pulling off Scarlett O'Hara quite well, until "So. Did you fuck her?". I suppose even southern hospitality will have it's chinks.

I'll admit, when he wants something, he works damned hard for it. I guess the idea behind his indirect approaches was good, given how aloof Thalazzy is. One would normally be afraid of overwhelming or chasing off someone like him, with many direct advances. Unfortunately for Vikashar, nothing *seems* to work on Thalazzy. It's quite interesting the way Vikashar has decided to mix business with pleasure. Try to get in some flirting, then be helped on the road to gaining power by the object of the affections. Vikashar really knows how to save time. I think if I ever have to attend a funeral on a Monday, I'll bring a laptop so I can do my QA in between paying my respects. I will accomplish twice as much in my life, by doing things Vikashar J. Stevens style.

Speaking of which, given his appointment with his sister and Thalazzy's growing impatience - Vikashar strongly risks missing out on either his spellcasting or swordfighting lessons, if he continues goofing off. He acts like Thalazzy has all the time in the world, which he does not, and that Thalazzy will waste so much of the time he has satisfying Vikashar's every whim.

Thalazzy is right about Vikashar though, in my opinion. Because Vikashar does not much look outside of his own viewpoint, he is not good at hiding his intentions from most people, and they are thus able to see right through him. Kerdifplaron appeared to have him all figured out, last chapter, and now Thalazzy.

Thalazzy is such an aloof man, or at least tries to be(believe I said as much in another review). I really thought nothing would get to him, until I saw his reactions to Vikashar's personal probing. He may indeed be ashamed of his past, or...

Or those past events were too traumatic to be aloof about. Given his responses to the bits about cowardice, I theorize that he values survival and related skills above all else, currently. That would explain why he doesn't give a shit about courage or cowardice. As long as you get the job done, and survive, right? Perhaps this is why he granted Vikashar a lesson in swordsmanship, eh? Swordfighting is a skill for survival, and Thalazzy may respect that enough to give such a thing to Vikashar. Er, though I'm sure he knows Vikashar has aspirations of power and domination, not just survival.
Todd chapter 10 . 8/17/2005
That Alchemaestrius. I bet he meant Fyree's death is the beginning of *his* new life with Snooks. And he's also apparently amused that Amck got Fyree, and has forgotten that he must not take one damned step out of the area himself,to avoid such a fate. To top that, it looks like he thinks he's going to make Fyree's daughter forget about her, and embrace Alchemaestrius as her other parent. He must feel on top of Ansana. He's stolen Snooks from Fyree(whom he'd been jealous of), Fyree is dead, and he thinks he's won her daughter. If you're amoral like he is, I guess that would be one of the most satisfying triumphs over a rival in romance. You steal your rival's significant other, your rival dies, and then you get the chance to make their child your own.

Snooks slept with Alchemaestrius shortly after her death and before her funeral, so he has even more reason to feel and look grim. I'm glad he isn't acting like Al.

"No, I'm not." Stlive touched Fyree's face. "I'm sorry for her." She looked around. "I'm scared, too. It's too dark."

What a rapidly working mind Miss Stlive has! That or she doesn't feel for Fyree. Kidding. I know she's a young child and all.

Early life crisis for Vikshar. Has he really been considering the Wilds as a back-up plan all of this time, or is his sister correct? Or perhaps he thinks of *Urih-teliean* as the fallback.

Kerifplaron is correct about him, in my opinion. He's very good with persuasion. Why not teach him magic, and give him one more strength and/or defense? In fact, intelligence is quite handy in the Wild Lands. If you become high up or even the boss, you need to be more than a great fighter. Vikashar can learn spell casting, yet still retain his swordsmanship, giving him further potential as a gang boss.

Ah, but yeah, he played his sister like a violin. Yet this chapter makes it look like she knew what he was doing. It takes talent to be pursuasive, and just as much or more to resist it, in my opinion.

I guess puppy eyes worked even better for him than showing his unique cheek flesh
Sept. Rose chapter 11 . 8/16/2005
Sort of a talky chapter here, and you end on a cliffhanger. I suppose there is always a need for some chapters of exposition, but I'm glad it didn't drag on too awful long.

Next I guess we see what's up with his hand. I would guess burn marks or scars of some kind, but you are usually more extreme than that. Keep it up!

ASR
Sept. Rose chapter 10 . 8/12/2005
Still pretty quick to get these chapters out, huh? I noticed a couple of typos this time ("could" instead of "cold," "donwfall" instead of "downfall") but nothing too distracting.

I suppose we are leading away from the funeral into Vikashar's magic lessons. He seems to emphasize the importance of magic a little too much, and I have a feeling he might be disappointed once he actually starts learning. We'll see.

ASR
Moose chapter 9 . 8/9/2005
Er, just a question: why do Vikashar's blood siblings all refer to each other as "brother" or "sister"? No offense, but it reminds me of the Berenstein Bear's Brother and Sister Bear. D

My only other comment regards the long string of description after Nollika says the drink should be alcoholic. Your style does seem to bring about these sorts of sections a lot-several paragraphs of description between certain dialogue. In many cases, it isn't a bad thing, but it easily can be. I'm not saying that that particular stretch of description was bad, but it may be helpful for you to keep it in mind and make sure you don't stray too far from the topic.
Sept. Rose chapter 9 . 8/6/2005
Sorry to have slacked off. I wasn't the first reviewer this time (gasp!) but I will try harder in the future.

More setup for the funeral. I like meeting Vikashar's family, because I have a hard time remembering characters unless there is a scene to remember them by. There is a good contrast to the sisters, yet not too much that they can't still associate with each other. Of course, even in the midst of something as serious as a funeral, V still finds time to compare his features to others, reminding us once again of that particular personality trait. I like how the characters' personalities come out even when the action isn't necessarily about them.

Keep it up!

ASR
Todd chapter 9 . 8/5/2005
I wonder if Ashhker will deliver a eulogy...

Wow, Vikashar sure does hold mixed emotions for his older sisters. Admiration/envy, jealously and contempt.

"To Vikashar, it seemed that anyone who ruined herself so much should not only be a loser, but she should know that she was a loser, and she should be immensely sorry. She should have come home to Fasia crying, but she had not done that."

Jehosaphat, boy! I don't think your parents hold *you* to such standards. Could you be anymore unforgiving an cold about it? *laugh*

Of course I know this all stems from his jealousy. 'People shouldn't have the ability to raise themselves up from self imposed ruin', or rather, Vikashar doubts his own ability to do so, were he to ruin himself. So Nollika's resilience is yet another potential hammer blow to Vikashar's worthiness. He's afraid he won't pass the test either, except that he worries he cannot do it *sober*, which would be worse in a way than Nollika's failure to pass. Could he recover from that? Vikashar likely doubts it. Though I heavily note that such recovery on Nollika's part would have been *much* more difficult, without the monetary resources her mother provides.

I must say, I *am* impressed with Nollika. She has made such monumental mistakes, but also fashioned herself into a well known success. I wouldn't call her Urih-teliean foul up to be a complete failure, or at least not a personal failure. Despite having academic talent, her *interest* obviously lies elsewhere. She has talent in her inerests, and has accomplished alot there. I admire anyone who can do that. Were it not for Fasia's scheming and pressure on her daughter, I doubt Nollika would have even flicked a passing glance at becoming a Urih-teliean figure. When one so young is pressured, they can easily become confused and think the pressured goals are what they really want. Actually, Fasia seems to do this with a few of her other children...trying to encourage them to be something before they have a chance to figure out their goals for themselves, then witness said child coming into who they truly are. I guess Fasia's plans do not always match up with her progenies' true identities. I'm sure she isn't harsh nor punishes her children for that, however.

Speaking of, I wonder why no such encouragement was pushed Kerdifplaron's way? Fasia either felt she would amount to nothing, or she took to her calling early on and Fasia saw this. I have a feeling it is the latter. I wonder whether or not Kerdifplaron's various pursuits serve Fasia's goals at all(I actually do know the answer to this, but I do not want to spoil anything for others).Were I ever in need of an ally in a suited endeavor, I would take Kerdifplaron over many others(in your story). She sounds quite disciplined and honor bound. Skilled as well, but one will not always find that accompanied by such discipline and honor.

I do ponder as to whether or not Kerdifplaron respects Fyree(if she knows much of her former career and of her skill), and/or views her as an equal. If Kerdifplaron learns of all the circumstances leading up to and surrounding Fyree's murder, I am doubtful. Sure, one would normally not expect someone to return from the dead once they are...you know, dead. But there are obviously resurrection techniques in existence, and Kerdifplaron would likely criticize Fyree for not keeping herself completely on gaurd all of this time. Kerdif would not be so easily surprised by an enemy, after all.

Aside from all of that, it's nice to see how warm Vikashar's older sisters can be toward their family. Sometimes people can be too consumed by their endeavors to be very friendly(like Thalazzy), and careers like those of Nollika and Kerdifplaron could easily do that to certain people. Family values and professional success, what a combination.

Oh, and why was Stlive ignored so much? Well, I suppose there are certain reasons. Largely, Vikashar witnessed the murder. Stlive is the youngest sibling, however, and the 'baby' typically either receives enormous amounts of attention, or is ignored for the most part. Add to that, Stlive is fairly quiet and reserved, while Vikashar...yeah. Still though, Stlive is equal to Vikashar in height, so she is not less noticeable, visually speaking. I just wondered why Kerdifplaron and Nollika did not at least verbally greet Stlive as well, and ask her how she was, as they did with Vikashar. As it is, Kerdifplaron merely made a noise at Stlive, and only hugged her when she persisted in receiving one. I'm not necessarily criticizing this, but I'm quite curious. I theorize that perhaps they view Vikashar as more accomplished, and speak to him more due to this. I don't know
Moose chapter 8 . 8/1/2005
My biggest complaint-although it is one of few-for the latest installment is Stlive. No offense, but I was a little disappointed to find that she's girlish and calls Vikashar "big brother".

The only other comment I have is about when Vikashar says "How did you know?" It seems to be sort of a climax, but the paragraph of description above it takes the edge off it and makes it seem awkward. I couldn't make the connection between Thalazzy's dialogue before that an Vikashar's reaction, either.
Todd chapter 8 . 7/28/2005
Guess I'll begin with the new people, then move on to Vikashar's actions.

Thalazzy *sure* is aloof. Or he at least seems to be. Actually, I'm sure he has feeling and reaction to things, but he chooses to hide that. His reasons for doing so, I cannot say for sure. I think he wants to appear apathetic...yet if that were true, he would not have made the effort to point out his apathy. Whenever Vikashar spoke as though Thalazzy had some feeling about their conversation, Thalazzy pointed out how he didn't really care. Yet by doing so, he obviously cared that Vikashar think that about him. If one is so apathetic, why make sure everyone perceives that? Does a completely apathetic person care whether or not other people know that about them? I don't think so. Well, he shows feeling in his opinions, but he strives to appear overall aloof, I think.

I'm not going to assume he's protecting himself somehow, but it's obviously important to him to give off an apathetic, blank aura. He's done a fine job at physically portaying this, as well. Vikashar noted multiple times that Thalazzy did not react either positively, negatively, or at all.

He's very insightful, though. Perhaps he has just known Fasia long enough to know she cares, but...I get the feeling he looks deeply into people, or has a knack for reading them. Sure, the Snooks thing was obvious, but Fasia's caring is not (judging by her actions during the 'viewing' of Fyree). He can be condemning, but it looks to me like he has at least understandable encouragement when he is.

Man, remembering the viewing of Fyree, I have certain thoughts. Snooks did not truly love Fyree romantically, but he was very saddened by her death. He put his head besides hers, gingerly...and I love you in many ways, including the way which Snooks did not feel for Fyree. So I hate to think of how I would feel, seeing your cadaver lying before me.

Stlive is such a sweet person. She seems so caring and not judgemental, no matter how what her brother's endeavors. She wears her heart on her sleeve, judging by the way her mood visibly changed at the sight of her brother's injuries. I hope Vikashar values Stlive's wonderful nature and views towards him, as he values those of his parents. The thought of Stlive retaining her nature into adult hood...is very comforting and hope inspiring.

Ah, two of Vikashar's brothers can be assholes. Yu-Yew criticizes Vikashar for insulting him, yet he fired off the first insult unprovoked. I don't care how eloquent his manner of speech. An eloquent insult is still an insult.

Mi'Ony, eh. He's obviously an overall jerk, but I suspect this increases during winter. He's stuck for months in that structure, while others, including Vikashar, are able to go out and enjoy life to it's fullest. So when someone else has an exhilerating time, he of course attempts to bring them down.

Well, isn't Vikashar the little flirt? Yeah, I'm also glad he did not give a cute giggle, as I do not that is befitting as someone who tries to appear so mature and badassed. XD

Mm, Vikashar is so distraught over the knowledge that Thalazzy is aware of what Snooks has done to him(though who knows if he is aware of how long it's gone on?), as well as the possibility of Thalazzy telling his parents. I wonder if Vikashar will be stricken later by Thalazzy's other statements, since they indicate that others most likely 'saw' and know. Those others obviously haven't told Fasia, as Fasia has done nothing about it. But still, pondering as to whether many others in the valley know...that will likely bother Vikashar. I wonder how he may handle such stress.

Nollika and Kerdifplaron have arrived, then? I hope they have good explanations for being late
Sept. Rose chapter 8 . 7/27/2005
I like the introduction of Thalazzy, he seems like a pretty stable guy. Vikashar's thoughts about the funeral are very in character for him.

Other than that, I don't really have any c&c, so I'll just say it's good and move on.

ASR
Moose chapter 7 . 7/26/2005
On to the final part now.

I know that Vikashar is a teenager and therefore can be angsty, but it seems like he's just spewing information. It's much more interesting for his opinions and worries to be illustrated in his actions rather than simply be stated.

Also, Vikashar's version of angsty seems to be a little bit generic. He presents himself more as a character that would be slightly smug or annoyed even when he was in teenager mode Er, and sentences like "Perhaps words are power, indeed," sort of stick out.

Lastly, I realize it's trivial, but Treiyon seems to say "my boy" and "my child" quite a lot.
Todd chapter 7 . 7/25/2005
Given that I have posted introductory thoughts on both Treiyon Darkall and Vikashar before, I shall focus less on idividual traits, and more on their father and son moment.

It's nice to see Vikashar is pleased with his features, despite being uncertain of how the outside world would perceive them. Ah, but I guess his OCD rears it's head in this area as well, aside from sanitation, clothing and such. He just dislike himself or his abode being a mess. Well, he wants them *perfect*, rather. I hope he's alright without that clump of hair, until it regrows and any damaged follicles regenerate. It actually struck me oddly that he did not seem to mind that. I suppose with his hair positioned as he prefers, it's not a visible loss, and so he's alright with it.

Treiyon Darkall and Vikashar's talk was very touching for me. I know the extent of how much Vikashar wants to appear nothing less than perfect to his parents, so the fact that Vikashar opened up with his true feelings and revealed his angst, imperfections and sadness to his father, tells me Mr. Treiyon Darkall did something very right. That, or Vikashar is aware of his father's...trying to prevent spoilers for others here...information connections, so he thought 'What the hell?'. I'd prefer to believe the former, however.

Despite being largely unfamiliar with human culture, Darkall does seem to adapt well, and already know some key bits. I thought his evaluation of closeness was good, but I think using family blood would have been more poignant. However, as he pointed out, he is still new with human behavior. Er, and I guess the family or love connection thing might have been cliche(ala Tea of Yu-Gi-Oh, maybe?).Either way, Darkall obviously sensed his son's emotions well enough, and concocted wonderfully touching and supportive words for his son. Mr. Darkall has the power to make his son happy, and he uses it very well.

Ah, and the whole 'being away' thing. It's now apparent that Treiyon Darkall had his son's pride and dignity in mind in his lack of direct assistance, and so I hope Vikashar can grow to appreciate that. Vikashar's dignity is one of his most vulnerable areas, and so for it to be wounded is for him to be deeply wounded.

Mr. Darkall does not dismiss his progenys' woes and choices as childish things, the way I think Fasia does. He has gained many more father points, on my scorecard
Moose chapter 6 . 7/25/2005
Again, very nice.

I have to admit that the ending completely threw me off. Especially the fifth last paragraph. Is Snooks opening the doors to Vikashar's room, or is Vikashar opening them? And if Vikashar's face is bleeding so much, why isn't he trying to stop the flow when he regains conciousness? Why is Alchemaestrius using a piece of glass as opposed to a weapon?

I'm afraid to comment on much else, as I think I'm missing what's entirely going on. Sorry.
101 | « Prev Page 1 .. 2 3 4 5 6 .. Last Next »